Would you go?

GobbledyGook

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Why? It won't be their fault if she comes round.

Sorry, I meant more if she comes round and they let her in.

Lotus-eater

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Sorry, I meant more if she comes round and they let her in.

Well I think they will and it may even be a bit of the "'lets get them together and try to sort it out' way of thinking, which I don't think the OP deserves (by the sound of it, we only hear one side).

It should be sorted out OP and in my mind, she assulted you, it's not your place to make apologies and hope they are repeated back.

GobbledyGook

It might be that, but if the OP sees herself with her BF long term then she's got to (imo) give his Dad a chance. The Dad hasn't done anything wrong and it's obviously important to her BF. I'd just make sure they are crystal clear that if she comes round and they let her in then that's it. No "we just let her in to apologise" or "we thought it would be ok". Christmas Day is not the day to be playing with fire trying to be peacemakers. If the sister wants to apologise then she will, if not they need to accept that the OP won't want anything to do with her and they need to stick to her word of not springing the sister on them.

Lotus-eater

GobbledyGook wrote: »

It might be that, but if the OP sees herself with her BF long term then she's got to (imo) give his Dad a chance. The Dad hasn't done anything wrong and it's obviously important to her BF. I'd just make sure they are crystal clear that if she comes round and they let her in then that's it. No "we just let her in to apologise" or "we thought it would be ok". Christmas Day is not the day to be playing with fire trying to be peacemakers. If the sister wants to apologise then she will, if not they need to accept that the OP won't want anything to do with her and they need to stick to her word of not springing the sister on them.

That may work, or the Op may sit there the whole day and stress whether she is coming and will they let her in.
If she does turn up and they start to pressurise the OP into letting her be allowed in, it could be the end of the OP's relationship. I don't think it's worth the risk.

the_cat

It sounds to me that the real issue is not trusting the dad and boyfriend to stick to the agreement of keeping the sister out. After all, how likely is it that she is going to be able to overpower a shut door, 2 men and a grown woman all intent on keeping her out of a property in order to assault the OP?

I would probably agree to go but only if I had talked it through with the dad and boyfriend all together, so that no misunderstandings can come about. If the boyfriend is not 100% supportive of your desire to be safe, then his prioriy is not his girlfriend, harsh as this sounds

GobbledyGook

Lotus-eater wrote: »

That may work, or the Op may sit there the whole day and stress whether she is coming and will they let her in.
If she does turn up and they start to pressurise the OP into letting her be allowed in, it could be the end of the OP's relationship. I don't think it's worth the risk.

Not visiting his Dad on Christmas Day is already causing rows so not allowing the BF and his Dad the chance to show that she can visit without them letting the sister in could end the OP's relationship just as easily as not going.

It's a horrible situation.

meritaten

OP - I think the reason your OH is getting angry is that despite his repeated reassurances from him (and his dad) that you WILL be safe - you are digging your heels in and refusing to go!
I think you have to see 'their' point of view - they obviously believe that they have 'sorted out' the matter by telling your SIL to stay away. They think that they have protected you - and now you are saying you wont go as you dont feel safe enough! they are now feeling that you dont TRUST them to protect you!
I think you SHOULD go! you have two men who obviously dont want a repeat of the violence. Trust them! Your OHs dad has done nothing wrong and neither has OH. at least give them a chance to prove theirselves to you!
SIL is prob going to be with her own family anyway! and if she DOES come round spoiling for a fight - Then a bucket of water chucked over her will prob make her change her mind!

BlueAngelCV

I don't think that you should go. It's obvious that you fear for your safety if you do and even if she doesn't turn up you'll be stressing about it the whole time.

If she turns up but they don't let her in that is still likely to turn into a fairly aggressive situation which I wouldn't want to be involved in.

IMO your OH should try and be much more understanding about how you're feeling. You're not stopping him going round to see his Dad so I don't really see why he needs to turn this into such a big deal and you certainly shouldn't let him make you feel bad about it

meritaten

BlueAngelCV wrote: »

I don't think that you should go. It's obvious that you fear for your safety if you do and even if she doesn't turn up you'll be stressing about it the whole time.

If she turns up but they don't let her in that is still likely to turn into a fairly aggressive situation which I wouldn't want to be involved in.

IMO your OH should try and be much more understanding about how you're feeling. You're not stopping him going round to see his Dad so I don't really see why he needs to turn this into such a big deal and you certainly shouldn't let him make you feel bad about it

Sorry, but I totally disagree, not just for the reasons I gave in my post about why I think her OH is getting angry...........but, because:
Is bagginslover going to avoid going round to OHs dad for the rest of her life?
Is she going to give sil the satisfaction of knowing that baggins is dead scared of her? The power she gives that woman by doing that is going to haunt her.
OH and DAD cannot do much more than they have done! short of getting sil sectioned for the day!
I think I would be upset if my OH refused to enter my mums under these circumstances - I would think he doesnt trust me or mum!

Mojisola

bagginslover wrote: »

We are going to my parents in the morning, then he is supposed to be going to his dads in the afternoon. I'm not going with him as his sister lives just round the corner from his dad, and last time I saw her she physically attacked me.

He is saying i need to make an effort and come as its xmas, and that his sister will be told to stay away if I'm going-problem is, the day she went for me, she was also told not to come over..... She can't see what she has done wrong, and refuses to apologise (which is fine, I don't want an insincere apology)

bagginslover wrote: »

That's what I'm trying to do Lotus-Eater, but my boyfriend is getting more and more angry with me over it all. His dad has apparently told her he'll cut her off completely if she comes round, but I just don't trust her, I'm quite scared of her now actually.

I wouldn't want to go on Christmas Day itself because it could make the situation escalate. If his sister is angry with bagginslover now, isn't she going to feel even more aggrieved if she is banned from her father's house on Christmas Day while bagginslover is welcomed in?