Would you go?

bagginslover

My Boyfriend and I are having a bit of a set-to about xmas this year.

We are going to my parents in the morning, then he is supposed to be going to his dads in the afternoon. I'm not going with him as his sister lives just round the corner from his dad, and last time I saw her she physically attacked me.

He is saying i need to make an effort and come as its xmas, and that his sister will be told to stay away if I'm going-problem is, the day she went for me, she was also told not to come over..... She can't see what she has done wrong, and refuses to apologise (which is fine, I don't want an insincere apology)

I don't feel its a case of me making and effort or not, its a case of me wanting to stay safe, and I don't feel safe going there when I know she is home (I do go over with him when she is away). My boyfriend is getting quite upset at my refusal to go, though he is normally quite happy (he goes over every sunday at the moment as he is doing a project with his dad over there).

Am I being unreasonable? Would you go?

rachbc

i would go under the strict understanding that she not be allowed in the house when you are there - if she turns up presumably they don't have to let her in?

DS4215

What was the reason behind the attack? - is it something that she has history for (attacking people randomly) or did she perceive that you had done something wrong? Not saying you have, but it might help to know how likely it is to happen again...

flutterby_lil

Erm don't think I would be going either. Did you know she didn't like you beforehand or did something happen there?

Person_one

I might give them the benefit of the doubt this year, but if anybody lets her in you need to get up and leave so make sure you've got your car and car keys and aren't relying on your boyfriend for a lift.

If he doesn't leave with you, dump him, but hopefully it will go to plan and she won't turn up.

Bear in mind though, she'll always be his sister, decide now if you want to deal with her long term!

bagginslover

We did get on very well, but she cannot cope with the fact that I am not all gooey over her daughter.

I had to terminate a much wanted pregnancy 4 years ago, and ever since (quite understandably I think!) I have found it very hard to be around babies and heavily pregnant women. She decided that was a sleight against her and her baby (despite me telling her very early on about my loss) and tried to tell me to 'get over it' (her actual words!) I told her, not so calmly, that she doesn't realise how lucky she is to have a healthy baby, and she went for me. Landed a heavy kick to my elbow (I was seated so wasn't threatening to her in any way) which I then couldn't fully straighten for a few weeks, and the bruise was something to see! She was dragged away kicking and screaming by her dad. This followed weeks of her complaining to her dad and my chap about me, and them repeatedly explaining my position.

Kay_Peel

Couldn't you/your boyfriend's family have sorted out the risk of violence towards you before Xmas?

This is traditionally the time of year to bury hatchets (not in each other's heads!), make up, peace and goodwill. Your boyfriend's family have got a couple of weeks to come up with a peace treaty and to start the new year off on a better foot.

Tell them to get on with it, and to let you know when it's safe to step across their threshold.

bagginslover

They have been trying, but she cannot see that she is on the wrong for reacting the way she did.

balletshoes

bagginslover wrote: »

We did get on very well, but she cannot cope with the fact that I am not all gooey over her daughter.

I had to terminate a much wanted pregnancy 4 years ago, and ever since (quite understandably I think!) I have found it very hard to be around babies and heavily pregnant women. She decided that was a sleight against her and her baby (despite me telling her very early on about my loss) and tried to tell me to 'get over it' (her actual words!) I told her, not so calmly, that she doesn't realise how lucky she is to have a healthy baby, and she went for me. Landed a heavy kick to my elbow (I was seated so wasn't threatening to her in any way) which I then couldn't fully straighten for a few weeks, and the bruise was something to see! She was dragged away kicking and screaming by her dad. This followed weeks of her complaining to her dad and my chap about me, and them repeatedly explaining my position.

I'd go, but I'd be telling my boyfriend and his family that if his sister shows up, you're leaving - immediately. That way they are in no doubt as to how you feel, and how you will react if she turns up (invited or not).

Lotus-eater

bagginslover wrote: »

They have been trying, but she cannot see that she is on the wrong for reacting the way she did.

Then they are in the wrong for validating her actions.

She knows she's got away with it now, what's to stop her doing something else. Nothing I can see. She's obviously going to hate you from now on, unless she has a major change of heart.

I wouldn't go there and I wouldn't let it bother me.

Person_one

Has she got PND or something? That is so far from normal behaviour that if the rest of your boyfriend's family are rational normal non-violent people I'd start wondering why on earth she was so drastically different.

Not your problem of course, but maybe a reason to give someone another chance if they apologise and explain at some point in the future.