Daughters dont get on- Spoiling Christmas

Bumpmakesfour

marleyboy wrote: »

Completely agree, however as I was quoting another post.......

I have already said that as siblings Me and my Sisters do not get on, yet we are ALL proud of our Mother, at least enough for us to grant her a wish of spending Christmas day with her.

Any arguments that we have with each other, we tend not to take it out on our Mother by burdening her with our own problems, or making her choose who to have or rearranging Christmas just for our "Im not going if she is" CHILDISH attitudes.

We leave our issues to one side and concentrate on the wishes of our Mother for that 1 day. The same applied when she got Married, when her Husband passed away and whenever its her Birthday.

We don't have to like each other for the sake of our Mother, it does not mean we would force her to make any rearrangements for our sakes, that would be unfair to her as our Mother, childish and stubborn.

The only one to suffer from such tantrums would be our Mother, certainly not each other, I am sure neither of us would give two hoots if it effected either of us. Upsetting our Mother by getting her involved in our spats would be seen as childish, fruitless and just plain wrong in all of our eyes.

My children when old enough, will be invited for Christmas on Christmas Day, should either of them not wish to attend as a result of some tiff with the other, I will leave it entirely upto them, but I wont be making further rearrangements to suit one over the other.

Apologies if I misunderstood your post.To re-iterate though DH is very proud of his parents,would do anything for them..except spend any time with his absolutely vile sister We don't make a big deal of it,we just make separate arrangements and fit in around each other

POPPYOSCAR

CH27 wrote: »

To remove themselves from the situation?
That way neither daughter can dictate to them.

But why should they remove themselves from the situation?

Neither daughter can dictate to them. As it stands, neither of them is going to go for Christmas now anyway.

POPPYOSCAR

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Apologies if I misunderstood your post.To re-iterate though DH is very proud of his parents,would do anything for them..except spend any time with his absolutely vile sister We don't make a big deal of it,we just make separate arrangements and fit in around each other

That is great if you can work around the situation like that and everyone is happy, but it is not working in this case, is it?

POPPYOSCAR

marleyboy wrote: »

Completely agree, however as I was quoting another post.......

I have already said that as siblings Me and my Sisters do not get on, yet we are ALL proud of our Mother, at least enough for us to grant her a wish of spending Christmas day with her.

Any arguments that we have with each other, we tend not to take it out on our Mother by burdening her with our own problems, or making her choose who to have or rearranging Christmas just for our "Im not going if she is" CHILDISH attitudes.

We leave our issues to one side and concentrate on the wishes of our Mother for that 1 day. The same applied when she got Married, when her Husband passed away and whenever its her Birthday.

We don't have to like each other for the sake of our Mother, it does not mean we would force her to make any rearrangements for our sakes, that would be unfair to her as our Mother, childish and stubborn.

The only one to suffer from such tantrums would be our Mother, certainly not each other, I am sure neither of us would give two hoots if it effected either of us. Upsetting our Mother by getting her involved in our spats would be seen as childish, fruitless and just plain wrong in all of our eyes.

My children when old enough, will be invited for Christmas on Christmas Day, should either of them not wish to attend as a result of some tiff with the other, I will leave it entirely upto them, but I wont be making further rearrangements to suit one over the other.[/QUOTE]

I agree with everything you have said here.

And this is quite right. I always say invite everyone you want and who does not want come can get on with it.

mountainofdebt

Makes you wonder what it would take to get the idiots talking again - it took a pair of siblings I know for one of their parents to become serious ill

Bumpmakesfour

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Makes you wonder what it would take to get the idiots talking again - it took a pair of siblings I know for one of their parents to become serious ill

Doesn't necessarily work.Didn't with my DH/SIL.
Personally I think things like that shouldn't necessarily be expected to make a difference.Why should a parent being ill suddenly make you think "oh actually brother/sister I know you did x/y/z but let's be friends again after 11 years of not talking"?
I take real issue with posters assuming the OPs daughters are childish/spoilt/idiots etc.How can you judge a situation like that when you have no idea what they fell out over?
BUT yes they do need to compromise with the OP and sort out separate arrangements to visit.

Mojisola

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Makes you wonder what it would take to get the idiots talking again - it took a pair of siblings I know for one of their parents to become serious ill

reneetoby wrote: »

I have begged them to make up for my sake as I had Cancer a few years ago.

Something more than that in this case.

paulsad

I'd tell em you've become a muslim and won't be doin xmas anymore...or just bang their heads together and tell them life's too short for all this nonsense.

poet123

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Doesn't necessarily work.Didn't with my DH/SIL.
Personally I think things like that shouldn't necessarily be expected to make a difference.Why should a parent being ill suddenly make you think "oh actually brother/sister I know you did x/y/z but let's be friends again after 11 years of not talking"?
I take real issue with posters assuming the OPs daughters are childish/spoilt/idiots etc.How can you judge a situation like that when you have no idea what they fell out over?
BUT yes they do need to compromise with the OP and sort out separate arrangements to visit.

Because most parents when they are terminally ill (let's be blunt here)would like to think that they are going to leave behind a family, with siblings who care about each other, who will be there for each other, who can, when times are bleak, put aside differences (which are often fuelled by their own spouses)and let their parent die content.

Even if it doesn't last I do feel at that kind of time a real effort should be made. As a parent wouldn't you want that?

neverdespairgirl

I think it's important to know what the argument is about before saying they are being childish / spoilt, etc. I don't mean the OP has to tell us, I mean we can't make that judgment unless we know.

What if one had a child by the other's husband? Or was sent to prison for sexually abusing someone? Or something else really traumatic?