Daughters dont get on- Spoiling Christmas

victory

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

You know this whole "life is too short" thing?I never really got it tbh.
If we lived by that motto that would mean a sibling could treat you awfully but you'd have to forgive them..because..well..life's too short right?
Nope,doesn't work like that,for us anyway.Surely "life is too short" to put up with being treated like carp or have your family put in danger?It must work both ways?

I met an 87 year old at the bus stop the other day, he kept telling me he was 87 bless him and he was telling me his life story, I asked him if he had any regrets and he said no none all his family were happy and safe and well and he had no regrets.

I met another elderly lady at the bus stop and she was telling me about her step children hating her and ruining her life after her OH their father had past away and she had been left with anger, them with loathing, it was a messy business and her face said the pain she was in rather than her words, family can destroy each other or can bring untold pleasure, it is up to you and them to make the road a smooth one.

mountainofdebt

Whilst I can understand, Bumpsmakesfour, that you won't want your children to pretend to like each other, it sounds as if the OP's daughters can't even stand to be in the same house as each other which is sadder imo.

What happens if the OP is taken seriously ill? Are they going to take turns to visit her? Or happens if the outlook is worse?

Perhaps OP you could get another relative - perhaps an aunt or cousin to mediate?

Bumpmakesfour

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Whilst I can understand, Bumpsmakesfour, that you won't want your children to pretend to like each other, it sounds as if the OP's daughters can't even stand to be in the same house as each other which is sadder imo.

What happens if the OP is taken seriously ill? Are they going to take turns to visit her? Or happens if the outlook is worse?

Perhaps OP you could get another relative - perhaps an aunt or cousin to mediate?

It is sad yup...but as I've posted my husband and his sis fell out more than 5 years ago and will not be in the same room.Our children have never met despite living literally 2 miles away.SIL and myself actually ended up at the same local park about a year ago,our kids were playing right along side each other not knowing they were cousins.So I DO know how it is honestly.
When FIL has had his health scares they both went with him the two times he was getting results.They went separately,sat with FIL whilst the docs talked to them then went home separately.If things were bad they'd be there for their dad,but wouldn't pretend things were suddenly all ok.That is how things are and pretty much how they will be. x

candygirl

oldtractor wrote: »

When I fell out with my sister I pretended we'd made up to please my terminally ill father. We still behave like adults when we had to make decisions regarding his care but other than that we had no contact. Just tell the daughters yuo are going away and cant do with all the stress they are reating. Honesty is the best policy,boo a coupe of nights away and tell them how you feel about the situation.

Kudos to you hun:D:D

marleyboy

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Doesn't necessarily work.Didn't with my DH/SIL.
Personally I think things like that shouldn't necessarily be expected to make a difference.Why should a parent being ill suddenly make you think "oh actually brother/sister I know you did x/y/z but let's be friends again after 11 years of not talking"?

BUT yes they do need to compromise with the OP and sort out separate arrangements to visit.

But don't you see it's not about having to make friends with each other, it's all about compromise.

Were my Mother ill, I would like to think everyone around her would be more concerned about her health, than who isn't their friend because of x\y\z.

There are certain times when making such a compromise, involves compromising with one another, without the need or desire to be friends.

At the very least for any sibling to have the desire to grant their Mothers wishes or desires, particularly if each know such a compromise would be the best solution to making her happy.

seven-day-weekend

I agree with the people who say to tell them you will see neither of them at Christmas, and have a peaceful one without them.

londonTiger

i hope what caused the fight between them is very serious, because otherwise this would be really bratty behaviour. they mother has cancer and they cant give her some peace, as much as she can get in her situation, to know at least her family are together... so selfish, and immature

londonTiger

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I agree with the people who say to tell them you will see neither of them at Christmas, and have a peaceful one without them.

easier said than done, the woman has cancer, she may not have much time on earth, she wants to see her family happy before she leaves

Emmzi

Op says she had cancer "a few years ago".

I had 3 friends have chemo this year and so far all are doing well. Cancer is not neccessarily terminal any more. Horrible, yes!

Frankly unless you're a 52 weeks a year churchgoer I think all this Christmas stuff is ridiculous. As long as you see and talk to people regularly, let them know you care, what does one day matter? Pub lunch, dvd box set, nice bottle of the tipple of your choice. Phone calls to those you care about. No washing up. Lovely!

seven-day-weekend

pinkshoes wrote: »

Life is too short to fall out with someone, particularly a sibling.

Tell them you brought them up to believe in love, honesty and forgiveness, not bitter resentment, and if they can't be civil to each other for just ONE day, and put their differences behind them, then you don't want to see either of them for Christmas.

Absolutely agree with this post. Life indeed is too short for all this cR£p.