Daughters dont get on- Spoiling Christmas

POPPYOSCAR

victory wrote: »

If one is staying and theother is not could that not add to the relationship strain thinking that one is favoured more than the other?

I just re read the OP and the daughter who is staying over has been asked to arrive after 4.00 pm when the other one is leaving, so I dont think this is the reason.

POPPYOSCAR

FatVonD wrote: »

I don't know but maybe she thinks the journey from London to Cheshire (and possibly back?) is too great for just a short visit, maybe she had planned on staying overnight?

Ignore my post I got it the wrong way round!!

The one from Christmas Eve is leaving at 4.00pm it is the one who is arriving that refuses to arrive later so as to avoid her sister.

victory

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Ignore my post I got it the wrong way round!!

The one from Christmas Eve is leaving at 4.00pm it is the one who is arriving that refuses to arrive later so as to avoid her sister.

So is it one is going to be there on the xmas day and the other is not and one will not arrive later so as to not be there when hte other is there?

If you really do not want to see someone surely you make sure that at no time you are in the house at the same time and to be asked to come later would be a bonus saving any unecessary awkwardness/

POPPYOSCAR

victory wrote: »

So is it one is going to be there on the xmas day and the other is not and one will not arrive later so as to not be there when hte other is there?

If you really do not want to see someone surely you make sure that at no time you are in the house at the same time and to be asked to come later would be a bonus saving any unecessary awkwardness/

Yes, you would think that it was an ideal solution, but perhaps the daughter staying over had planned to spend all day Christmas eve with her mum and and dad as well as Christmas Day and was put out by having to arrive later in the day.

Bumpmakesfour

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes, you would think that it was an ideal solution, but perhaps the daughter staying over had planned to spend all day Christmas eve with her mum and and dad as well as Christmas Day and was put out by having to arrive later in the day.

Well if that's the case she's being a complete plum,because with things the way they are she has to appreciate BOTH sisters need a "slot".

Bumpmakesfour

victory wrote: »

Do we know what the fall out was about yet?

bump Agree with what you say but when adults fall out it affects the next generation, the kids suffer over what the adults have fallen out with and the kids grow into adults without their entire family, have theirs and talk about so and so as a cousin/nephew etc but don't know them because the adults fell out.....

Yup.As I posted my kids wouldn't know their cousins if they bumped into them at the local park as we did last year.They don't even know who aunty blah is and think daddy only has one brother(who incidentally they adore btw).So I see your point but at the same time I don't feel it's healthy for the kids to be around adults who have such contempt for each other either.So its a no win situation xx

*Louise*

It's always so sad when families fall out and Christmas makes rifts so much more noticeable

My mum fell out with two of her brothers and had nothing to do with them for years so we grew up not knowing any of our cousins Now she is upset because my two sisters aren't speaking to each other, she wonders why they can't make up and I'm afraid I had to point out to her that she taught them to be that way.

OP - I can appreciate how it feels being stuck in the middle (lots of experience with that!) but you can't let them dictate to you how your life is going to run. Give them the choice of arriving at X time but make it clear that you won't be telling the other sister to stay away as that would be showing favouritism and you won't do that. If either chooses not to arrive then that's up to them.

Poosmate

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Yup.As I posted my kids wouldn't know their cousins if they bumped into them at the local park as we did last year.They don't even know who aunty blah is and think daddy only has one brother(who incidentally they adore btw).So I see your point but at the same time I don't feel it's healthy for the kids to be around adults who have such contempt for each other either.So its a no win situation xx

What if some time in the future your kids start bumping into their cousins in the pubs/nightclubs and start a relationship with each other? What if they go the whole hog with their "bf/gf" before they've introduced them to you? Would you even know the kids when they've grown up (I mean their cousins)? Or would you find out their true identity at their engagement party when your SIL walks in? EEK!

How would you kid react to finding out they were having sexual relationships their cousin (assuming they're not saving themselves for marriage)? It's a bit ew even though I know it happens and its not illegal, but it's still a bit ew.

Is it right to keep them in the dark about their aunt and cousins? Or should they be allowed to find out for themselves how vile she is and make up their own minds about whether they want contact with her or their cousins?

I know you're only trying to protect them now but at what cost in the future?

Just a bit of food for thought.

Poo

Poosmate

Sorry, last post was totally off topic, regarding the OP. I wonder what happened last year or the year before? Or is the problem only this year because the timings are clashing?

As others have said, I think not knowing what the disagreement was about does make it that we can't judge if they are being unreasonable or childish and also why the daughter coming from London has said she won't go because of the time of arrival request. We don't know if she's going to arrive at say mid-day with family in tow - what's she supposed to do for 4 hours? If she's travelling by car then I guess she could stretch the journey or set out later. If she's travelling by coach or train maybe she's bound by their timetables? There is so much we don't know about this scenario.

I hope the Op has a great Christmas whether she sees her daughters or not.

Poo

MinniMe_2

Just a little post to point out the possible view point from the daughters.

Firsty OP I am sorry you are feeling upset.

I understand everyone thinks they shuld put their differences aside for one day fro their Mum to make her happy - but should they do this if it makes them unhappy?