Daughters dont get on- Spoiling Christmas

poorly_scammo

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I think it's important to know what the argument is about before saying they are being childish / spoilt, etc. I don't mean the OP has to tell us, I mean we can't make that judgment unless we know.

What if one had a child by the other's husband? Or was sent to prison for sexually abusing someone? Or something else really traumatic?

Agree here.

Just a thought: Mum could be the reason they've fallen out.

Hope I'm wrong.

FatVonD

Mojisola wrote: »

Although renee would like her daughters to get on with each other, all she's asking this Christmas is that they arrange their visits separately.

In the opening post the OP says 'I long to have them in the same room' which is what we've both picked up on, I too don't see why they can't both attend separately. I do think too though that 'I won't come if she's coming' can be interpreted two ways, it doesn't necessarily have to have been said in a petty way, it could also have been, 'don't worry then, if she's coming I'll come another time'.

POPPYOSCAR

FatVonD wrote: »

In the opening post the OP says 'I long to have them in the same room' which is what we've both picked up on, I too don't see why they can't both attend separately. I do think too though that 'I won't come if she's coming' can be interpreted two ways, it doesn't necessarily have to have been said in a petty way, it could also have been, 'don't worry then, if she's coming I'll come another time'.

But the Op has said in her first post that the daughter who has been asked to leave when the other one is due to arrive will not agree to this, why not?

I am also wondering if the daughters are single or will be bringing partners/ children with them. Perhaps if they are, this has a bearing on the issue.

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

While I agree with you, and commend you, suppose what that ex friend said wasn't in the past, it was continual and pointed every time you saw her? I forgive very readily, and one terribly hurtful comment would be something I could get past, (after all, I am tactless enough at times) but I don't keep putting myself in (physical or serious emotional) harm's way over and over.

I would agree. However, I think a couple of hours crossover time between one arriving and the other leaving on one day of the year is not a lot to ask for the mother and father in question.

victory

Do we know what the fall out was about yet?

bump Agree with what you say but when adults fall out it affects the next generation, the kids suffer over what the adults have fallen out with and the kids grow into adults without their entire family, have theirs and talk about so and so as a cousin/nephew etc but don't know them because the adults fell out.....

FatVonD

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

[/B]

But the Op has said in her first post that the daughter who has been asked to leave when the other one is due to arrive will not agree to this, why not?

I don't know but maybe she thinks the journey from London to Cheshire (and possibly back?) is too great for just a short visit, maybe she had planned on staying overnight?

FatVonD

victory wrote: »

bump Agree with what you say but when adults fall out it affects the next generation, the kids suffer over what the adults have fallen out with and the kids grow into adults without their entire family, have theirs and talk about so and so as a cousin/nephew etc but don't know them because the adults fell out.....

I agree, my mum fell out with the aunt and uncle I adored (who were also my Godparents) when I was in my teens. Having their influence in my life in those difficult years would have made huge difference to me.

victory

My OH cousins were so close when younger, spent every waking moment with each other as well as being at the same school until Aunty fell out with Aunty and that was pretty much the end.....

The story told now both Aunties say that they never stopped the kids seeing each other but it was made so awkward it became unbereable and so the cousins made their own friends and lost each others friendships........

victory

If one is staying and theother is not could that not add to the relationship strain thinking that one is favoured more than the other?

euronorris

My OH is just reconnecting now with some cousins that he never knew as a child, as his father fell out with their parents. Fb can be good for some things. Although, I will say that in his case, even if his father hadn't fallen out with the siblings then he probably still wouldn't have known his cousins as his father was barely around.