Daughters dont get on- Spoiling Christmas

reneetoby

My daughters Age 30 and 27 dont get on. They were close as children but due to an argument a few years ago dont keep in touch or have a good word to say about each other. They both live in London and I am in Cheshire so over the years visits have been made a different times more by accident than design. This year the youngest girl plans to come for Chrismas, first time in a few years but older girl is coming for Christmas eve only. Both now saying they wont come if the other is coming and its all getting heated and Im stuck in the middle getting more and more upset. I asked the youngest if she would travel Christmas Eve and arrive after her sister leaves around 4 o'clock but she she just wont. I have begged them to make up for my sake as I had Cancer a few years ago. This is ruining Christmas for me. I long to have them in the same room. Have not my hubbie yet as he will just make things worse. What should I do ? Any ideas ?

emweaver

I can understand where your daughters are coming from as I was in a similar situation with my sister last xmas. I suspect they are both trying to make you choose one of them or saying it to annoy / hurt the other.

However, from a parents point of view I would be devastated if it was my girls and would tell them both to grow up, stop being selfish and that unless they could put their differences aside for one day for you neither can come.

Have you explained to them how it is making you feel?

I would be tempted to tell them both the other isnt coming, have them arrive at different times and refuse to let either leave the room and to talk. I know this isnt practical though and in reality would probably end in tears.

What did they fall out over?

go_cat

Is there anyone close to them that could act as a mediator and tell them how upset you are ?

Sambucus_Nigra

reneetoby wrote: »

I asked the youngest if she would travel Christmas Eve and arrive after her sister leaves around 4 o'clock but she she just wont.

Eh? Even though her sister will have left?

What did they fall out over?

Zoetoes

If financially possible I would book to go away for Christmas and tell both of them you've now made other plans as they wouldn't compromise.

victor2

It'll hurt, but I'd tell each of them that you love them as your daughters and it will ruin your Christmas to have to choose one over the other.
Will probably result in neither coming, but might also make them realise how much they're hurting someone they both presumably love - particularly at a time of peace and goodwill.
Sorry there's no easy solution, but hope something works out.

Callie22

Personally I'd tell the pair of them that as they're both being childish, you and your OH won't be bothering with a family Christmas this year and you'll be spending your money on a break in a nice hotel. They are of course free to visit you separately whenever they want, but you won't be dictated to and manipulated, and you won't be having your Christmas spoiled by children. But then I'm a grump and I can't deal with people getting so het-up over one day.

After Christmas, when it's less of a loaded day, you can then work on getting them to behave like adults. Or not, if that's the way they feel. But I think you should make it clear that it's your house, your rules, and if they can't put their differences aside for a couple of hours then that's their problem, it shouldn't be made into yours.

custardy

Zoetoes wrote: »

If financially possible I would book to go away for Christmas and tell both of them you've now made other plans as they wouldn't compromise.

agreed
if one chooses not to com then its their choice.
you shouldnt need to be stuck in the middle

paddygirl

Well, they seriously need to grow up.

Have Christmas on your own with your husband.You dont need that kind of stress at any time, especially during the season of goodwill.:snow_grin

reneetoby

Thank you so much for all your replies. You are all quite right in everything you say and you have helped me feel much stronger to deal with this!

Mojisola

It might be the wake-up call they both need to stop behaving like toddlers!