Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

£1500 for 2 days? I could endlessly list what I could do with that amount of money which would last a long longer than 2 days....

You could say that about ay holiday...however I think the OP has many issues within their marriage to sort out...lets hope these drums are being used in a band to get some additional income for the family eh?

victory

Sure that is true £1500 for a hol fine but normally it lasts for more than 2 days for that kind of money:D If they sold all the drum kits they could have a 'free hol' and keep the rest in the bank ready incase they need it:D

Anyway OP how many drum kits does one actually need?

georgiesmum

katiecoodle wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty. I guess I just want something for me. I have never had a holiday in 10 years of marriage. I've watched him spend £5K+ on a drum kit, and another £1500 on his spare one (!) which he has never used. He goes out for a meal with his friends EVERY saturday night and bets or plays golf every saturday afternoon. I've scrimped and saved for years and he's hardly felt the burden because I've managed our money so well. I've never asked for a holiday except the one which (yes I know it wasn't his fault) was ruined for me. I want to treat my children to something really special. Of course Lapland won't be a holiday for me, I just want them to have something lovely.
I was looking at £1500 for a 2 night break for the 4 of us.

Always 2 sides to a story,BUT. Tell him to sell his drums and stop wasting money himself before having a go at you. try and sit down and work out exactley how much you will spend. Don't underestimate on this. Don't want another row on top of the first one.
You and the kids have gone through a hard time yourselves and need a bit of fun together. Could it be just you and the kids, reason being my dh does not like holidays and would love it if i could go without him. maybe he feels a bit like that.
As for lapland, i have not heard very good reports about that,so go into he reviews and reconsider your options. Somewhere warm and sunny might be better so YOU could have a good time as well. Kids pick things up very easily and they will sense if this is a "just for you " holiday and it will colour theirs. or what about a few days in Disney land Florida. Doesn't sound any dearer than Lapland. Kids will adore it, and go just after christmas and they will be throwing the holidays at you.:D
I think compromise is the key here,but if you don't go somewhere you will probley get resentful anyway. Christmas is a really expensive time to go away, keep your options open on that one.
As for the coffee, just a fit of temper, stop worrying about it. I just hope it wasn't boiling lol

mrcow

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Katie people don't care if you were asking if it was right to throw cold coffee dregs at him but they will latch onto that and use it as a stick to beat you with (and yes the pun IS intended).

Where's the pun?

Edit: Drumming. I get it.

It's been a loooong week.

Bitsy_Beans

Boy oh boy the number of posters that want a pound of flesh off the OP for chucking the dregs of a cup of coffee over her H. Have any of you shouted and swore at your significant others? Ever lost your temper? Should we all start screaming domestic violence and assualt as if we want to be black and white about the subject then that could be contrived as abuse to.

My stance on this has nothing to do with the OP being a woman. If it was a bloke my attitude would be the same. It was childish yes but we can split hairs til the cows come home as to whether it constitutes common assualt (or even battery since force was applied to the said coffee) but that's not what the real issue is. Growing resentment, a selfish husband......all seems a bit of a relationship on the verge of imploding.

mrcow - actually my pun was in reference to posters having a "bash" at the OP for "assualting" her H but actually the drumming one you've come up with is quite good :rotfl:

LucyLocket

Ouch - I feel pretty sorry for everyone involved in this.

The OP has given financial and emotional support to a partner with long term illness. The illness has a mental health aspect so that thought processes / behaviour may be affected. Whatever the reason, he appears to place a particularly high priority on his needs / wants compared with those of others. The OP is concerned about the effects of this on herself and on their children. A holiday which was intended to mark the end of a period of difficulty went wrong. The children were promised a replacement, the nature of which was unspecified. The OP has made a suggestion and this has been rejected due to expense but she suspects her OH would willingly undertake significant expenditure if it were directly for himself.

The OH has physical and mental health issues, yet carries the pressure of being relied upon as the family's only current income source. He has purchased some private health care. He also likes to buy himself 'treats'. The family doesn't have a huge amount of savings to buffer them in times of difficulty. He is being asked to spend a significant portion of the savings on a brief experience which will require travelling abroad. The last time they holidayed, less than a year ago, no one enjoyed it,he ended up hospitalised in a foreign country. When he expresses reluctance to go , his partner's response is inappropriately physical and now she has decided to discuss their difficulty with his close family members.

Somewhere, in the middle, are two children with an angry family. The grown ups need a frank discussion to vent their respective frustrations, leading to an agreed plan for how expenditure in their family is balanced fairly long term. This may be hard and if it can't be done on their own they may need help from a counsellor. Otherwise the relationship is likely to break down entirely, which will have further negative impact on the kids.

tankgirl1

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Ok so a coffee may seem a bit OTT, but a cold coffee?

Just saying - don't focus on that..

Money_maker

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Ok so a coffee may seem a bit OTT, but a cold coffee?

Just saying - don't focus on that..

No, I haven't. Also find it rather odd that so many peeps seem to find this sort of thing commonplace in their homes...

Lotus-eater

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Ok so a coffee may seem a bit OTT, but a cold coffee?

Just saying - don't focus on that..

Never come across it before. If my OH threw a drink over me, she would have to explain very well, why I shouldn't walk straight out the door.
Because I would, I'm not having that behaviour from my OH. We would be finished and she would have to work very very hard at getting me back.

neverdespairgirl

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Ok so a coffee may seem a bit OTT, but a cold coffee?

Just saying - don't focus on that..

Of course I haven't! If you think it's reasonable behaviour, then that's very worrying indeed.