Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

aliasojo

lostinrates wrote: »

...While basing a reply on whats written, I also feel how its written, replied to etc is sometimes as revealing as what is written iyswim.

Yes I do agree to a point.

However it's often said on here that people add in later information in order to support their point after others have picked them up on something and as such, it seems unbelieveable.

As I've said on MSE previously, a discussion on here is no different to a conversation in real life for many of us. It evolves and grows as it goes on, with more info coming out after questions are asked or points are addressed.

I think it's unreasonable (on this type of thread) to expect someone to post every single thing they can think of in their first post in case someone else might think it's relevant.

Different if it was a factual thread looking for a specific answer about electrics or plumbing, it would obviously be wise to include everything you know from the outset, but relationships and emotions are fluid so I think it's a different kettle of fish entirely.

The other point is that often people post when they are a bit wound up, so they don't always a) post calmly and b) take time to consider what they should include, they just fire it off. (Been there. :D) Then later, it becomes obvious certain info or facts need adding in. Personally I don't necessarily see that as being dodgy in the same way as others do.

aliasojo

lostinrates wrote: »

. Over a time if you corespond with people on line you build up a picture of them...

Just a thought but there's nothing to say your picture of them is accurate?

Oldernotwiser

Considering that your husband has been so ill I'd think that it would be him who needs a holiday rather than the children. Perhaps you need to go away together, without the children, for a few days?

runningwoman

Haven't read through all of this, but just to offer a 100% vote of confidence and a "no you're deffo not being unreasonable" high five for the OP. Depression is no fun, but as another poster said it's not a get out of jail free card.

I've seen too many lovely female acquaintances being in the "endless support" role, and not getting owt back but someone behaving like a man-baby not a partner. Yes, the brown stuff happens to us all (death of family members, stress, physical accidents) but I think some keep a stiff upper lip and others try and get full mileage out of their "victim" status and then some FOREVER :cool:

Of course being sensitive and supportive is great, but at some point one has to say "man the chuff up and stop using X as an excuse for getting your own way all the time". We're all responsible for our own states of mind, ultimately, and I think using ones issues/unhappiness as a negotiating tool is an incredibly low way of doing things - cause you get to get your own way AND make the other party feel like a !!!!!! for standing up to you and declaring their own needs.

(can't go into too much detail, but I had a very brief interaction with someone who was like "oh I have this issue and this with my ill mum", as some bludgeoning negotiating tool in our short lived romance. Of course initially I was like "OH MY NURTURING SIDE IS AWAKE" then it soon became "not impressed, not my problem, I have enough of my own, YOU'RE the 'career victim' rearhole for using a loved ones sickness for your own ends".)

(I have lifelong depressive tendencies due to certain childhood incidents, which I suspect could gain me a large degree of sympathy if I was open about them with partners IRL. But I find the whole OH SHE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN CHOICES AND SHE NEEDS ENDLESS CODDLING approach incredibly disabling)

Oh, just throwing a random suggestion in the air on the specific situation - can you book the holiday for yourself and the kids - no discussion or approval, just a breezy "it's DONE!!" rather than discuss it indefinitely? Man doesn't want to go on holiday, it sounds like you'd be stressing about whether he could make it or not, you want to go on holiday, you can spend his fare on duty free tat and a spa session for yourself, jobs done

And you sound like a lovely mum btw, Christmas is great and the best time of the year and I hope you enjoy it with your little ones whatever happens (oh and I'd tell you GO TO YORK NOT LAPLAND just because I'm totally biased and love there myself, the lights and the city are amazing , but that's totally me :rotfl:) Either way, get yourself some nurturing time in, sounds like you've had a tough year or so and done REALLY well.


PS Well done on being able to accurately aim cold coffee. I have never thrown a drink over someone, but more because of lack of technique rather than lack of desire.

PSS I once punched some totty because he was joking about him and his !!!!less comrades in arms "accidentally" doing target practice on penguins :eek:. Later on I "accidentally" hit him in bed. He still liked me.

In fact I think there's lot to be said for the "passionate row" over the "simmer and get peed off for AGES" approach. The girls in my family were socialised into "quiet martydom and passive aggressiveness and silent grudges and trying to PLAY the good woman whilst SEETHING inside" so I'm trying to grow into more of a "swear and scream and chuck the coffee and the crockery but don't hold a grudge afterwards" kind of girl :rotfl:

lostinrates

aliasojo wrote: »

Just a thought but there's nothing to say your picture of them is accurate?

I agree..but that's why I made the real life comparison of people shocked whena neighbour/colleague/acquaintance is shocked about a conviction....I think you are right but that the same happens in ''real life''

gliglog

katiecoodle wrote: »

Sorry if its in the wrong place, just need to vent I guess.
A few years ago DH was involved in a car accident & as a result had to have 2 operations before he was fit enough to work. Since Jan this year he's been able to work and it seemed like our being really really frugal was coming to an end. Then in May he was awarded an out of court settlement and received £20K. We booked a holiday (our first EVER) with the kids & ended up away in June.
After 1 day, DH fell ill. In hindsight he was probably ill before we went but being away made him worse. He had serious anxiety issues which led to prostratitis and he ended up in a hospital in Egypt and also needed some emergency dental treatment while we were there! Meanwhile both kids fell ill & my holiday of a lifetime was a complete and utter washout. We came home a week early because he just couldn't handle being away from the UK.
We promised the children that we would give them another holiday before the year was out because we recognised that they had missed out.
(as an aside the insurance company are being difficult about refunding any money due to a technicality, so it looks like the money we spent on the holiday was completely wasted now)
When we returned to the UK his anxiety issues persisted & he ended up spending a further £1000 at least on private doctors, seeking 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions on a vague head pain he was suffering with. He has now been diagnosed with depression & is so much better and is back at work.
Now, I am furious because I want to take the kids to lapland in December (they're 8 and 5 so possibly the last time it will seem real for the oldest) and he is saying stuff like "its a waste of money" and "you won't be happy until all that money is spent" and "we can't afford it", despite there being £16K left!!!
I am so cross I have just thrown cold coffee all over him and now he's in a mood with me....how dare he? Or am I wrong??? Am I really wrong???
:mad::mad::mad:

I

You are definitely out of line and an out of control, spiteful, vengeful and jealous shrew of a woman, I hope he gets you back with cold seaman when you are asleep

*Redhead*

gliglog wrote: »

You are definitely out of line and an out of control, spiteful, vengeful and jealous shrew of a woman, I hope he gets you back with cold seaman when you are asleep

Bit harsh throwing sailors at her?

aliasojo

*Redhead* wrote: »

Bit harsh throwing sailors at her?

Tea on screen.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

suited-aces

*Redhead* wrote: »

Bit harsh throwing sailors at her?

I agree the husband has been poorly treated, but that would surely be going overboard?

CH27

gliglog wrote: »

You are definitely out of line and an out of control, spiteful, vengeful and jealous shrew of a woman, I hope he gets you back with cold seaman when you are asleep

The same could be said of you.
Charming first post.