Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

Lotus-eater

gravitytolls wrote: »

Voice of experience eh?

I always end up with that spot in the bed too.:D

My OH too Could be because the man often does the manoeuvring around

We're not all as stupid as we look.:cool:

Welshwoofs

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Erm I've never thrown coffee nor anything else at a partner during a row. In fact I've never even had a 'screaming row' with a partner.

Shouting, screaming and throwing things is the sign of an immature relationship IMO. If there's a problem, none of that behaviour is going to sort it out - all it's going to do is ensure that anger and bitterness escalate rapidly.

sassyblue

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Shouting, screaming and throwing things is the sign of an immature relationship IMO. If there's a problem, none of that behaviour is going to sort it out - all it's going to do is ensure that anger and bitterness escalate rapidly.

I screamed at my hubbie once, it wasn't because l was immature, it was because he was being an ar5e and not listening to me for the hundreth time. :rotfl:

VestanPance

There are two things wrong with this.

1. Throwing coffee or anything at someone.
2. Letting coffee go cold.

Both disgusting and uncivilised acts.

katerinasol

katiecoodle wrote: »

Sorry if its in the wrong place, just need to vent I guess.
A few years ago DH was involved in a car accident & as a result had to have 2 operations before he was fit enough to work. Since Jan this year he's been able to work and it seemed like our being really really frugal was coming to an end. Then in May he was awarded an out of court settlement and received £20K. We booked a holiday (our first EVER) with the kids & ended up away in June.
After 1 day, DH fell ill. In hindsight he was probably ill before we went but being away made him worse. He had serious anxiety issues which led to prostratitis and he ended up in a hospital in Egypt and also needed some emergency dental treatment while we were there! Meanwhile both kids fell ill & my holiday of a lifetime was a complete and utter washout. We came home a week early because he just couldn't handle being away from the UK.
We promised the children that we would give them another holiday before the year was out because we recognised that they had missed out.
(as an aside the insurance company are being difficult about refunding any money due to a technicality, so it looks like the money we spent on the holiday was completely wasted now)
When we returned to the UK his anxiety issues persisted & he ended up spending a further £1000 at least on private doctors, seeking 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions on a vague head pain he was suffering with. He has now been diagnosed with depression & is so much better and is back at work.
Now, I am furious because I want to take the kids to lapland in December (they're 8 and 5 so possibly the last time it will seem real for the oldest) and he is saying stuff like "its a waste of money" and "you won't be happy until all that money is spent" and "we can't afford it", despite there being £16K left!!!
I am so cross I have just thrown cold coffee all over him and now he's in a mood with me....how dare he? Or am I wrong??? Am I really wrong???
:mad::mad::mad:

I

Ok, I haven't read through all of this thread so I apologise if you've posted more details but this is what I think going by this post....

I can see his point of view. After having such a terrible holiday he's probably not at all keen to go on another one, plus his health issues mean he's wary of spending money on 'luxury' things.

BUT I can also see what you mean. You want your kids to have a special treat and it feels like he's using his problems to hold everyone else back, and that's not fair either. And it's not fair to accuse you of just wanting to blow all the money.

BUT (another but!) at the same time, it's not fair to throw coffee over him. You need to talk about it. You need to explain why you think a trip is a good idea and to explain why what he said hurt you. And if you do hit a dead end... would you consider going to Lapland without him? And him having some other treat? Like a racing experience or something like that?

HTH

elvis86

The OP has been (deliberately?) reluctant to divulge further information re this £5,000 drumkit purchase.

If it was purchased from the £20,000 settlement, and yet the OP's OH refuses to spend less than a third of that amount on a family holiday, then he's a piece of work (although personally I think Lapland is a waste of money, and the kids would appreciate a week with a swimming pool to play in much more).

If the £5000 drumkit was purchased when the OP's OH wasn't working (and neither was she), then that's pretty disgusting on both their parts (no doubt the mental health police will leap in and argue that perhaps he purchased the drums during a psychotic episode - but that doesn't excuse the second £1500 drumkit, and surely they wouldn't argue that the same psychosis kicks in every Saturday just before his mates have their regular night out gambling..?:cool: ). I'd be interested to know what benefits they were receiving that facilitated such a purchase, and whether the illness that prevented him working also prevented him enjoying his ritualistic Saturday nights at the casino with the lads..?

If the drumkit was purchased before the OP's OH got ill, then he should be bl00dy grateful that she managed to juggle their finances and didn't have to sell it to feed their kids when he was incapable of providing for their family. If he thinks it's right and proper that he should have such an expensive toy, I don't see how he's got a leg to stand on in refusing his wife and kids a holiday.

Either way, mental illness or no mental illness, more fool the OP for tolerating a marriage where money and large purchases aren't discussed and agreed upon, and where the needs of her husband seem to come miles ahead of her own needs and those of their children. She should have nipped this in the bud a long time ago.

If, as we're led to believe, they have never had a family holiday in 10 years, I can't see how regular gambling and £5000 on a drumkit can be justified, regardless of when it was purchased.

The OP needs to have a serious word with her OH. Personally, unless you're very well off, I think that it's unreasonable for a man to have £6,500 worth of musical toys. He should sell the drumkits (or at least the £5000 one), treat the kids to another holiday if this is what was promised, and then keep a nest-egg in case his issues rear their head again.

indebtinsussex

shellsuit wrote: »

Oh they're kids! My 2 when they were the OP's age would have LOVED to have gone to Lapland. Even my daughter now who is 13 would snap my hand off to go.

It might be a waste of money coming from an adults point of view, but to a child, the excitement of travelling to see Santa...well I can't begin to imagine how that would be for a little one.

If the OP's husband can justify spending thousands on drum kits, then why shouldn't the OP can justify spending a portion of her 'husbands money' (even thought I think it is 'their' money) giving the children a magical Christmas experience?

If the husband doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to go does he?

As for the OP 'assulting' her husband by throwing a cup of cold coffee over him, she was mad, upset, angry and lost her rag.

She just wants to treat the children to this one trip, while it will still mean something to them. That's not a crime is it?

I agree with this, from the sounds of it I think the children have been through a lot too with her hubbie being ill for the last couple of years and I think the original poster wants to give them a magical memory from their childhood.

If he can justify spending over £5k on drum kits then he should be able to justify letting the kids go to see santa, if its about going abroad what about looking at Lapland UK, I dont know what its like but the website looks quite nice!

January20

Oh enough with the cold coffee already! it's been done to death on this thread and if posters haven't got the time or the will to
a)read the whole thread to see that
and
b) give sensible, helpful advice
but want to carry on, one after the other, verbally punishing the OP for this one mistake, like a bullying pack, are they any better? In my opinion no! Some of the judgemental posts on this thread are just as bad as throwing cold coffee over someone, because the cold coffee thing was done in anger and out of frustration (And as pointed out we don't know the whole of the story and how much the OP has had to put up with/ sacrifice etc). The nasty posts on here haven't got that excuse. They are carefully and calculated written to make the OP feel bad.

The OP threw the coffee over her husband as he was on Ebay looking for another drumkit to buy (for himself and just himself) ,at the same time as refusing to a holiday (for the whole family) and shouting at her to shut up, but that's been conveniently overlooked! Just because he is ill/ has been injured doesn't make him a saint!

aggypanthus

i am amazed at how many replies are aghast at the coffee incident, and how partonisingly they are telling th OP to apologise, as if she was a child who has to be TOLD to do this, i am sure she knows it was rash. the thread is not about throwing coffee for heaven sake.
I can think of worse thinks people do when provoked by anger.
dont we all laff when we see a comedy show when a person has a drink poured over their head?

mrcow

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Shouldn't it be warm seamen anyway, what sort of satisfaction would you get from cold seamen....

How many seamen are we talking about here?

And more to the point......are they going to be fit? Or just just smelly and rough?