Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

katiecoodle

Sorry if its in the wrong place, just need to vent I guess.
A few years ago DH was involved in a car accident & as a result had to have 2 operations before he was fit enough to work. Since Jan this year he's been able to work and it seemed like our being really really frugal was coming to an end. Then in May he was awarded an out of court settlement and received £20K. We booked a holiday (our first EVER) with the kids & ended up away in June.
After 1 day, DH fell ill. In hindsight he was probably ill before we went but being away made him worse. He had serious anxiety issues which led to prostratitis and he ended up in a hospital in Egypt and also needed some emergency dental treatment while we were there! Meanwhile both kids fell ill & my holiday of a lifetime was a complete and utter washout. We came home a week early because he just couldn't handle being away from the UK.
We promised the children that we would give them another holiday before the year was out because we recognised that they had missed out.
(as an aside the insurance company are being difficult about refunding any money due to a technicality, so it looks like the money we spent on the holiday was completely wasted now)
When we returned to the UK his anxiety issues persisted & he ended up spending a further £1000 at least on private doctors, seeking 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions on a vague head pain he was suffering with. He has now been diagnosed with depression & is so much better and is back at work.
Now, I am furious because I want to take the kids to lapland in December (they're 8 and 5 so possibly the last time it will seem real for the oldest) and he is saying stuff like "its a waste of money" and "you won't be happy until all that money is spent" and "we can't afford it", despite there being £16K left!!!
I am so cross I have just thrown cold coffee all over him and now he's in a mood with me....how dare he? Or am I wrong??? Am I really wrong???
:mad::mad::mad:

I

*max*

Maybe having been ill so often, he is wary of having to stop working again and wants to save that money instead of spending it just because it's there? You need to have a proper conversation with him and see if you can come to a compromise...which doesn't involve throwing coffee at him. That was out of order and you should apologise.

mrcow

I've been to Lapland. It's not worth spending your life savings on. From your opening post, I'm kind of agreeing with your husband.

TALK things through with him and come to an agreement. Ranting away is going to get you nowhere. You need to AGREE......TOGETHER with how the money is going to be put to best use.

mrcow

katiecoodle wrote: »

I am so cross I have just thrown cold coffee all over him and now he's in a mood with me....how dare he? Or am I wrong??? Am I really wrong???
:mad::mad::mad:

I

Yes - and you need to apologise for that.

Right now

You are bang out of order.

Sambucus_Nigra

You are wrong because you should both decide, as adults, where to take the kids, and throwing coffee over someone is, as already stated, bang out of order.

Proc

Well just because there's £16,000 there doesn't mean it needs to be spent. It's not a great deal of money these days and I'd feel for any family that doesn't have this kind of money in reserves.

If he loses another job...he's going to need that £16,000 to contribute towards bills etc.

I really don't understand the mentality of most people; if there's money there, spend it all. That's partly why the country is in such a mess: people borrowing more than they can afford.

You need to have a chat with him. Sounds like he's nervous and wants to keep it for a rainy day; that's a sensible solution. Come to an agreement like anything you save up and over the £16,000 can go towards a holiday.

If you can't save over the £16,000 this suggests that your outgoings are larger than your incomings. Therefore you can't actually afford a holiday anyway because when that £16,000 runs out what are you going to do then?

shelley_crow

yep, throwing coffee on him was very wrong and not the right way to handle things at all.

*Robin*

First thought: After what happened last time you went away, Hubby really doesn't want to risk another holiday abroad?

Second thought: A Christmas Lapland holiday won't come cheap!

Third thought: Please apologise for chucking coffee.. That was an over-reaction!


FWIW, I wouldn't be happy spending £2-3G on another extravagant holiday this year if my total nest-egg was £16G. Sorry, but you can find magic for kids as young as yours much, much cheaper than that! (If you ask on here I'm sure MSEers will have some suggestions for you).

Your hubby's health has obviously been seriously affected by his accident. I'm not surprised he wants to keep as large a financial cushion as possible in case he has to take more time off work in the future.

Caroline_a

i know some people who went to Lapland last year, they said it was a HUGE waste of money!!

Plan to go somewhere nice when your husband feels more confident about travelling. IMHO 'Holidays of a Lifetime' rarely end up like that and it's often the ones you least expect are the nicest.

DuckEggGingham

Imagine coming here and saying "my husband just threw a cup of coffee over me...."

Oh the outcry there would be. Yes you are completely out of order for that!

Maybe your husband is worried about having to go back to frugal ways, maybe he is anxious at the thought of leaving the UK again. You should research depression and anxiety, him worrying about his health is a huge insight into his mental health. You seem pretty mad at your husband for ruining YOUR holiday of a lifetime in Egypt

gonzo127

until you know whats actually worrying him things will be difficult, you do also have to remember he is depressed and just taking some pills does not stop that, they do help but it doesnt stop it altogether, anyways, how much is lapland? having had a quick look myself, for a 2 night break in lapland you would be looking at over £600 per person, plus all the food and other bits and bobs, so possibily looking towards £4,000 for a long weekend. thats a hell of a lot of money

maybe speak to your husband and see if you cna find other destinations, disney land paris for example - still a big holiday (especially for the kids) but would likely be a lot cheaper than lapland