Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

Seanymph

Then he was very silly indeed not to have a claim for his physical and mental issues as well.

But it won't make any difference - as an award it is his money, not joint marital money - my loss of earnings element wasn't removed and treated as marital money - the entire award was discounted.

wannabehermit

1. You threw coffee over him, that's assault. If it was the other way round you'd be being told to leave him, take the kids and speak to Womens Aid.
2. He's depressed. He has a mental illness, it's not something that he can 'snap out of'. Having coffee thrown over him isn't going to help him one little bit.
3. Considering what happened last time you went abroad I'm not surprised he doesn't want to go. If he has anxiety issues over travelling to a foreign country looks like you're going to have to get used to travelling in the UK.
4. Probably the biggest point. It sounds like this is more than just you wanting to take the kids to Lapland. There is obviously an issue with him spending money and you not. Is that your choice or does he 'not let you'? From what you say about drum kits, gambling, nights out, golf etc it sounds like a very unfair balance and that needs to be solved before anything else. If he's going to be making big purchases then they need to be discussed and agreed with you as it's the family finances not just his. If he's going to be spending £5K on a drum kit then you should be able to spend that much on something you really want. If you can't afford £10K then he needs to think about something else. Saying all that I can totally understand why you want a nice holiday for you all and why you probably want to be a little bit spoiled yourself and why you've reacted the way you did (although it doesn't excuse it). This sounds like something a bit bigger than not getting a nice holiday, that's just what's triggered this all and you really need to sit down with your husband and tell him how you are feeling, tell him that there needs to be a more even share of 'treats' and if he's suffering from depression and anxiety he needs help and support from a counsellor.

LittleMissInDebt

But in this case they're not getting divorced so who's it is is surely a moot point. I work, my DH looks after the children, all my income is our money because we are together. I am glad for you though Seanymph, that you got to keep your money, I'm sure were I to get divorced I would really very differently to how I do now

Seanymph

Oh I'm not bitter about the divorce - one of the best things I've ever done I was just making the point that the money was ringfenced as mine (which I didn't realise until it became relevant).

FATBALLZ

£16k isn't a lot of money these days. As a family that clearly doesn't seem to earn much it seems very sensible for him to form an opinion that spunking your minor windfall up the wall in a matter of months is a waste, especially if he has potentially expensive medical issues that could come up at any time.

carolwat

Throwing the coffee over him was out of order as im sure you now realise.

As for Lapland meaning blowing the lot of the money well thats rubbish. Theres a fantastic 4 night break to lapland on travelzoo right now with Transun. Got to go through travelzoo though and its £499 full board including excursions. We did a very similar trip a couple of years ago for £1500 for the 3 of us. It wasnt a waste of money, it was a once in a lifetime (although I am tempted again lol ) trip for us all. It was worth ever penny for the magic and the experience.

Show your hubby the trip on travelzoo and talk about it again.

[Deleted User]

katiecoodle wrote: »

At what point do you stop saving and get a holiday/break?

we used to take the children camping or we would rent a caravan for a week. They were always good family holidays and we talked and played together. The simple things in life can be oh so sweet.

It sounds to me that you cannot hang onto money, like that spend spend spend lady. It takes a lot of self discipline to save and make a safety cushion.

It really looks as though you have to be at the centre of your family hub and part of that involves communication. You have to take the lead katiec if you want your family to be a stable happy family unit

Any

Seanymph wrote: »

Then he was very silly indeed not to have a claim for his physical and mental issues as well.

But it won't make any difference - as an award it is his money, not joint marital money - my loss of earnings element wasn't removed and treated as marital money - the entire award was discounted.

Nice outlook. A bit one way though,no? One carries everything on their shoulders alone while the other one is ill but once money enters oquasion it's the person who got them! Yeay, way to go!! Maybe next time don't feed him, as he hasn't 'got' the money, they were paid to you!
Sorry, this argument is ridiculous.

peachyprice

katiecoodle wrote: »

I am so cross I have just thrown cold coffee all over him and now he's in a mood with me....how dare he? Or am I wrong??? Am I really wrong???
:mad::mad::mad:

I

Sorry, but yes, I think you are wrong, really really wrong treating him like that.

!!!!!!, he's been suffering from anxiety and depression since the last holiday disaster, only 5 months ago, and you expect him happily to put himself in that situation again? Do you realise what a long haul recovering from mental illness can be?

Just take a few moments to think about what he's been through, put yourself in his shoes, then ask yourself, hand on heart, whether you would be prepared to risk going through it again so soon.

You say he spend £1000 on private medical treatment, what would happen if he needs to do that again but the money has all been spent on holidays?

shellsuit

kittie wrote: »

we used to take the children camping or we would rent a caravan for a week. They were always good family holidays and we talked and played together. The simple things in life can be oh so sweet.

It sounds to me that you cannot hang onto money, like that spend spend spend lady. It takes a lot of self discipline to save and make a safety cushion.

It really looks as though you have to be at the centre of your family hub and part of that involves communication. You have to take the lead katiec if you want your family to be a stable happy family unit

I disagree. The money was awarded in May. They went away on June.

4 months later they still have 16K, and the holiday must have cost a fair bit so it doesn't read like spend spend spend to me.

If the OP has paid off her husbands debts, has sat back while he goes out every week, spends thousands of pounds on drums and now he's depressed, she looks after the whole household, doesn't she deserve to have a break?

She's explained she'd like to go to Lapland this year as the eldest is 8, so maybe next year he won't believe in Santa.

I totally see where she is coming from. She probably feels taken for granted and I personally think that her husband should see fit to make his wife happy for once.