Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

Any

Jessikita1983 wrote: »

Take the kids somewhere then a get a holiday booked abroad for you and the girls to let your hair down and run amok. I know how you feel carrying everything on your shoulders for years and it is hard work taking care of someone with depression etc. i agree with other posters do not waste the money willy nilly but I say one hol for you and the kids and one for you and your mates or sister or something.
a drum kit seems like an indulgence so I say you spend the same.
The coffee thing, ok not the best but sometimes you just cannot control your anger and I see why - especially over the drum kit thingy!

Well put. I couldn't live with a man who doesn't mind spending 5k on a drumkit when times are tough and then refuse a holiday for kids when they are better.
However I think he might not like the idea due to worrying about him not managing his anxiety again though. Suggesting to go alone might be better idea.
And can we drop the coffee thing? I think OP already knows it was wrong, it's being blown out of proportion now (assault?). I bet OP already apologised?!
And Lapland might not be place for everyone, but where it is is not the point here is it??? It's the refusal.

Sambucus_Nigra

katiecoodle wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty. I guess I just want something for me. I have never had a holiday in 10 years of marriage. I've watched him spend £5K+ on a drum kit, and another £1500 on his spare one (!) which he has never used. He goes out for a meal with his friends EVERY saturday night and bets or plays golf every saturday afternoon. I've scrimped and saved for years and he's hardly felt the burden because I've managed our money so well. I've never asked for a holiday except the one which (yes I know it wasn't his fault) was ruined for me. I want to treat my children to something really special. Of course Lapland won't be a holiday for me, I just want them to have something lovely.
I was looking at £1500 for a 2 night break for the 4 of us.

I can totally appreciate this - however this is separate from throwing a cup of coffee over someone.

Have you told him that you feel like this about all the above?

dorisday

katiecoodle wrote: »

Sorry if its in the wrong place, just need to vent I guess.
A few years ago DH was involved in a car accident & as a result had to have 2 operations before he was fit enough to work. Since Jan this year he's been able to work and it seemed like our being really really frugal was coming to an end. Then in May he was awarded an out of court settlement and received £20K. We booked a holiday (our first EVER) with the kids & ended up away in June.
After 1 day, DH fell ill. In hindsight he was probably ill before we went but being away made him worse. He had serious anxiety issues which led to prostratitis and he ended up in a hospital in Egypt and also needed some emergency dental treatment while we were there! Meanwhile both kids fell ill & my holiday of a lifetime was a complete and utter washout. We came home a week early because he just couldn't handle being away from the UK.
We promised the children that we would give them another holiday before the year was out because we recognised that they had missed out.
(as an aside the insurance company are being difficult about refunding any money due to a technicality, so it looks like the money we spent on the holiday was completely wasted now)
When we returned to the UK his anxiety issues persisted & he ended up spending a further £1000 at least on private doctors, seeking 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions on a vague head pain he was suffering with. He has now been diagnosed with depression & is so much better and is back at work.
Now, I am furious because I want to take the kids to lapland in December (they're 8 and 5 so possibly the last time it will seem real for the oldest) and he is saying stuff like "its a waste of money" and "you won't be happy until all that money is spent" and "we can't afford it", despite there being £16K left!!!
I am so cross I have just thrown cold coffee all over him and now he's in a mood with me....how dare he? Or am I wrong??? Am I really wrong???
:mad::mad::mad:

I

YES YOU ARE REALLY WRONG!! have no more to say think it out.

peachyprice

katiecoodle wrote: »

Then in May he was awarded an out of court settlement and received £20K. We booked a holiday (our first EVER) with the kids & ended up away in June.

there being £16K left

katiecoodle wrote: »

I've watched him spend £5K+ on a drum kit, and another £1500 on his spare one (!)

Your sums don't add up, if he's spend £6.5 just on drums, he gambles and goes out every weekend and you went to Egypt for 2 weeks, there can't be £16k left.

So, he's either spent a lot more than he's telling you or you're exaggerating.

shellsuit

peachyprice wrote: »

Your sums don't add up, if he's spend £6.5 just on drums, he gambles and goes out every weekend and you went to Egypt for 2 weeks, there can't be £16k left.

So, he's either spent a lot more than he's telling you or you're exaggerating.

I assumed the drum purchases were before they even received any money?

I could be wrong though!

[Deleted User]

ahhh shellsuit, marriage won`t work when life becomes a tit for tat contest. One of the couple has to be an adult and take the reins in order to keep the marriage alive. What is done is done, now it is time to move forward and make a good life and home from what is and has been a bad mess.

DaisyFlower

That money is his, its there to compensate him for the injuries. What happens if he needs private treatment again or cant work in the future?

You could always work if you begrudge him buying things with the money he has earned. Being the sole earner and supporting another adult and children is a huge responsibility.

The last holiday ended up with your husband ill again and was only 5 months ago so you dont need another holiday and certainly not one that costs so much for just two days.

As for the throwing coffee, words fail me. If a woman had had it done to her I can just imagine the comments that would have followed.

WhiteHorse

katiecoodle wrote: »

I am so cross I have just thrown cold coffee all over him and now he's in a mood with me....how dare he? Or am I wrong??? Am I really wrong?

Yes, you are wrong. That money is your safety net. And what happens when it's all frittered away and he still can't work?

Ah, let me guess, the taxpayer.

**curlywurly**

Your whole family has had a tough time.

However, instead for tit-for-tatting over who has spent what, you should sit down together as a couple, discuss finances as a whole and come to a compromise. I hope your husband will understand how you feel about having scrimped and saved, and that you and the children need a holiday. I hope you will understand the responsibility he feels as the sole earner and the possible need for further medical care. Then perhaps you can reach an agreement on how the money should be used.

I don't think throwing coffee is the way forward, but hopefully you will apologise, and hopefully your husband will realise it was a moment of madness in a very stressful situation.

warehouse

Talk to your Husband, sort out your issues, THEN come on here.