Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

Caroline73_2

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Ok so a coffee may seem a bit OTT, but a cold coffee?

Just saying - don't focus on that..

My husband has never shouted at me, nor thrown anything. I've never done anything like that to him either.

I think the OP and her husband should get a better attitude towards their relationship, the commitment and unity it involves.

Stopping shouting and throwing things (no matter what it was) will do the family a lot more benefit than a few days on holiday.

Sambucus_Nigra

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Ok so a coffee may seem a bit OTT, but a cold coffee?

Just saying - don't focus on that..

I'd never consider throwing anything at anybody in a row.

mrcow

I have never thrown anything at/over anyone in a row before either.

Anyone who thinks it a normal reaction needs to have a serious think about their behaviour and the effect/example they are having/setting on/to others around them.

peachyprice

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I've not read past the first few posts, but I find it a bit much that people are focussing on the cold coffee throwing incident... are you all really saying you have never thrown something at your OH in a row?!?

Ok so a coffee may seem a bit OTT, but a cold coffee?

Just saying - don't focus on that..

To me it's not the fact that it's cold coffee, it's what it represents.

Her OH has mental health problems that came to a head due to their last holiday, she now wants another holiday, but because she can't she belittles him by throwing something over him. It's degrading and is mocking him for his mental health problems.

Zoetoes

Had a quick read through and while I think that it shouldn't necessarily be Lapland, I do think the kids should be taken somewhere as they were told they would have another holiday to make up for it.

Yes hubby is depressed and fair enough it's not his fault but it's not the kid's fault either and the kids don't need to be depressed! Maybe mum taking the kids away for a few days will give everyone a break.

Not my business where you take them OP, but if it was me I wouldn't spend £1500 on 2 days. What about Disneyland Paris? They have some good offers on at the moment.

As for the coffee throwing thing, while I don't condone it I won't judge either, I remember frisbee-ing a dinner plate across the room at my OH (EX!), and was I remorseful? Er.....no!

gravitytolls

katiecoodle wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty. I guess I just want something for me. I have never had a holiday in 10 years of marriage. I've watched him spend £5K+ on a drum kit, and another £1500 on his spare one (!) which he has never used. He goes out for a meal with his friends EVERY saturday night and bets or plays golf every saturday afternoon. I've scrimped and saved for years and he's hardly felt the burden because I've managed our money so well. I've never asked for a holiday except the one which (yes I know it wasn't his fault) was ruined for me. I want to treat my children to something really special. Of course Lapland won't be a holiday for me, I just want them to have something lovely.
I was looking at £1500 for a 2 night break for the 4 of us.

Well, initially my thoughts were with the rest of the posters, see things from his point of view, cold coffee over him (actually there's no excuse for that, but I often have the urge to throw things when my frustration levels are high, so I do understand).

You both need to consider that you've been through the anxiety, the job loss, the worry the heartache too. He's depressed? I'm not surprised, and I suspect until everything was settled, he was hanging on, once he could breathe a sigh of relief, his body allowed the anxiety and the worry to have an outlet, manifesting itself physically whilst on hols.

We all deal with things differently. It appears your husband would like to stay home, where he feels safe and comfortable.

You need to escape, leave home, where you coped with all the worry, behind, just forget about it all for a while.

Does it have to be lapland? Lots of folk sat disneyparis is magical and AMAZING. Maybe he'd feel happier about it, it being closer to home, maybe not feeling so distant, he would feel happier to consider it.

I don't feel it's necessarily the cost, as he is clearly not adverse to spending money, I really feel it's the mental health and the trauma of the previous year that's causing his consternation.

Maybe you should write your feelings down for him, then you can have a proper talk, and when you're ready to make a decision, make it together.

suited-aces

I'm not buying the drumkit story. Seems like a sympathy winner when the OP was shocked not to receive a flood of "the only mistake was not using hot coffee" replies.

aliasojo

suited-aces wrote: »

I'm not buying the drumkit story. Seems like a sympathy winner when the OP was shocked not to receive a flood of "the only mistake was not using hot coffee" replies.

Tb be fair, no-one ever knows if what people post is true or not. All we can do is base our answers on what is written.

suited-aces

Good point.

nannymiaow

aliasojo wrote: »

Tb be fair, no-one ever knows if what people post is true or not. All we can do is base our answers on what is written.

I agree but it is dangerous territory. We give advice based on half truths and stories that aren't quite right....therefore our advice is flawed. I have pointed out more than once on this board that there are too many people that are happy to take the information given on here at face value and start advising really dramatic courses of action.

I can also imagine a poster saying "Well, I posted *this problem* on MSE and everyone on there agreed that you are wrong..so there!" without having given the full story.

I take everything written on this board with a pinch of salt. There are always two sides to every story - in this instance the OP could be addicted to new shoes...