Sorry to rant like this but am I wrong to be so angry?

victory

I also find that the more the thread goes on, any thread , the more the story either unravels, contradicts, disintergrates, gets confusuing, ends up a non truth, a spasm, has many flaws in it, you just can't predict thread by thread what it is going to end up like............

Ames

Did you sit down and talk to your husband about going on another holiday? About whether he could manage it, about what to do if he got ill again? Or were you so determined to give the kids a good holiday that you just went ahead and promised them without thinking through the practicalities?

I have MH problems, and often agree to do something just to keep the peace, just so that I'm not the one messing things up. Then when it comes to actually doing it, I just can't, which lets everyone down even more than if I'd just said no to start with. I can easily see him agreeing to a holiday for the kids, feeling awful that he ruined the last one. Even though he knew that when push came to shove he couldn't go on one.

As for the drum kit... I have one and I'm struggling to see how he could spend 5k on one, unless he's buying absolute top of the range everything, which there's absolutely no need to do if he's not a professional.

As others have said, the numbers just don't add up. 6.5k on drums, a holiday to Egypt, 1k on private treatment, but only 4k has come off the award? If he hasn't worked for so long then I can't see how there can have been other savings.

BitterAndTwisted

I suspect the drum-kit buying happened some time before his accident. And the going-out-every-Saturday with his mates. And the gambling. What's not clear (to me) is whether all of this continued after the accident or not. What is clear is that the husband's behaviour and apparent selfishness has been the cause of conflict for some time, even if it hasn't been disclosed and discussed before.

Bitsy_Beans

peachyprice wrote: »

To me it's not the fact that it's cold coffee, it's what it represents.

Her OH has mental health problems that came to a head due to their last holiday, she now wants another holiday, but because she can't she belittles him by throwing something over him. It's degrading and is mocking him for his mental health problems.

How on earth do you come to the conclusion that she's mocking him for his MH issues from pouring dregs of cold coffee on him? Bear in mind at the time he was shouting at her to shut up and get real. Got sod all to do with his MH but a woman who was royally p!ssed off and did something stupid in temper.

I think there is a real danger of assigning the OPs husband a halo soley on the fact that he has depression. It's not a get out free jail card is it? They as a couple discussed another holiday to which he agreed. He has since reneged on that decision and appears to display rather unpleasant attitributes when having a disagreement. Everyone is walking in the husbands shoes and looking at things from his POV and explaining the reasoning behind his actions ie not wanting another holiday due to what happened last time and yet the same courtesy isn't extended to the OP. She's given up financial sums for the household, supported and had the worry and burden of her husband and yet in a moment of sheer frustration whilst being told to shut up she loses control. I think we might do well to walk in her shoes in order to see the reason why she did what she did rather than being judge and jury.

aliasojo

nannymiaow wrote: »

I agree but it is dangerous territory. We give advice based on half truths and stories that aren't quite right....therefore our advice is flawed. I have pointed out more than once on this board that there are too many people that are happy to take the information given on here at face value and start advising really dramatic courses of action.

I strongly disagree.

We should only ever go on what is written. To advise based on our assumption or what we think is *really* (insert rolling eyes smilie) going on, is so very very wrong. We don't know each other, how on earth are we able to make a judgement as to whether the info given by another is true or not? Or even if there is info being left out of the equation?

We can't possibly know that so we have to work with what we've got and yes, that means taking things at face value unless they are proved to be inaccurate.

As has been shown time and time again, we all have different interpretations. How are any of us to know who has hit on the right one?

All we can do is stick to the facts as written and offered to us by the OP. If it ends up the person is advised wrongly because they were not accurate in what they shared with us, then that's the risk they take.

Advice based on anything other than the facts we are given to work with, is flawed and worthless.

Imo.

victory

Uhm but what people are saying is the facts are only one sided and based on their view of things, their truth, their point of view, their anger, their anxiety, their side, no one elses and there are always two sides to ever story:D

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

Uhm but what people are saying is the facts are only one sided and based on their view of things, their truth, their point of view, their anger, their anxiety, their side, no one elses and there are always two sides to ever story:D

Yes there are. But we don't know what the other side is, do we?

We can't just make it up.

Oh wait, some people do. :rotfl:

Bitsy_Beans

victory wrote: »

Uhm but what people are saying is the facts are only one sided and based on their view of things, their truth, their point of view, their anger, their anxiety, their side, no one elses and there are always two sides to ever story:D

In that case no one should ever voice their opinion as it's half the story <shrug>

Sorry but I haven't got time to keep playing devils advocate and never believing a word that's posted. Nor is it reasonable for posters to start a thread giving every minute detail to their lives.

Mind you I'd never suggest that someone took drastic action on the basis of a thread on the Internet but then again I just can't see someone following through on it either.

victory

True very valid point:D just that some people can be very harsh on others when they dont know it all:D

lostinrates

aliasojo wrote: »

We should only ever go on what is written. To advise based on our assumption or what we think is *really* (insert rolling eyes smilie) going on, is so very very wrong. We don't know each other, how on earth are we able to make a judgement as to whether the info given by another is true or not? Or even if there is info being left out of the equation?

sometimes what is written is not just the facts of the situation but can show inconsistancy, double standards etc (not refering to OP in this instance). While basing a reply on whats written, I also feel how its written, replied to etc is sometimes as revealing as what is written iyswim.

I think on forums one has to tread a precarious line where you both accept every single thing you read could be false and also have to accept by the same token it all could be the truth as the person sees it entirely. I don't think its THAT different if you can see and hear the person either TBH...though in most circumstances you might have a rounder view...but not all circumstances. Over a time if you corespond with people on line you build up a picture of them, much the sam you do with someone you might meet a lot in the course of work or something. Neither really gives a whole picture, (otherwise after a crime people wouldn't say ''he didn't seem the type'' or ''we had no idea that was a violent home'').