Friendships being ruined by out of control child :(

Gingham_R

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The answer there is to either ensure the kids are well behaved or, if they can't be, socialise with friends and get a babysitter in for the child.

I see no reason why everyone around should have to suffer because of the actions of one child and I'd go further and say that what seems to be escalating poor behaviour in children may well have something to do with the fact that everyone these days seems willing to tolerate it.

Can you maybe explain to me then how parents teach their children to behave in social situations if people give up on them without even talking to their parents about it? Who do they get to spend time with and learn from?

jellyhead

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The answer there is to either ensure the kids are well behaved or, if they can't be, socialise with friends and get a babysitter in for the child.

I see no reason why everyone around should have to suffer because of the actions of one child and I'd go further and say that what seems to be escalating poor behaviour in children may well have something to do with the fact that everyone these days seems willing to tolerate it.

If a child has difficulties (and the child in the OP may not have, I know) then having a small circle of trusted friends might help, and it does kids no harm to learn how to tolerate someone who's a bit different.

As long as the adults are keeping an eye, and not just having coffee and chatting while the other kids are left to deal 100% with the child who has issues ...

moomoomama27

For all we know the child is 2 yrs old, and going through a phase that the others find unacceptable because theirs havn't yet reached it? It could be the OP that's being intolerrant or expecting too much?

Until the OP returns and gives an insight then it's hard to advise, because there could be so many different variables.

Welshwoofs

Gingham_R wrote: »

Can you maybe explain to me then how parents teach their children to behave in social situations if people give up on them without even talking to their parents about it? Who do they get to spend time with and learn from?

The Op has talked about it to the parent:

"A few of us have been very open and honest and explained that we feel there's an issue that needs addressing.Tbh that went down like a lead balloon..think "total and utter denial" and you'll get the picture"

There's a difference between being supportive and being a martyr to the cause. If it's been talked about, nothing has changed and it's breaking up an entire group of friends then really you've got to cut your losses.

Nicki

jellyhead wrote: »

If a child has difficulties (and the child in the OP may not have, I know) then having a small circle of trusted friends might help, and it does kids no harm to learn how to tolerate someone who's a bit different.

As long as the adults are keeping an eye, and not just having coffee and chatting while the other kids are left to deal 100% with the child who has issues ...

Absolutely. I was lucky enough to have a tight knit group of friends who supported me through bad post natal depression and also during my daughter's diagnosis process. And still do have good friends who are happy to have her round to their homes, and who love her like their own daughter even when she transgresses. And make no mistake we have had embarrassing moments, however hard we try to keep an eye on her, where she has ripped or broken things, or helped herself to stuff from the fridge whilst just out of arms reach. :eek:

I am incredibly grateful to friends like this. We wouldn't have made it out the other side without them, and our life would be immeasurably less rich. To be honest it has made our relationships so much closer than they would be with just the run of the mill NCT friendships you make (I have these too from my younger child) and in our inner circle there are about 4 families who would do anything for us, and we would do anything for them, completely as a result of that support. Without friends like this, we would never be able to socialise as a complete family.

Its up to OP of course whether she wants to be, and to have, a friend like that. If she doesn't, due to the fact that the child isn't currently nice to be around, she's been given some good advice as to how to disentangle herself from the relationship. But it might be worth giving some thought as to whether the relationship does have something to offer, and is worth investing in for the long term.

System

But I don't get this obsession with adult friends expecting their children all to be part of some imaginary 'Waltons' scenario...why should the children get along just because their parents do? Maybe this child just really hates being dragged along on social outings with kids he/she doesn't like?

I don't know if that's the case, neither does anyone else on here unless the OP comes back to give more detail, at very least knowing the age of the child would help.

Gingham_R

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The Op has talked about it to the parent:

"A few of us have been very open and honest and explained that we feel there's an issue that needs addressing.Tbh that went down like a lead balloon..think "total and utter denial" and you'll get the picture"

There's a difference between being supportive and being a martyr to the cause. If it's been talked about, nothing has changed and it's breaking up an entire group of friends then really you've got to cut your losses.

I'm really glad I didn't get advice like that years ago or I'd have walked away from 2 very good friendships with women whose children are a genuine delight to be around now they're a bit older.

Gingham_R

moomoomama27 wrote: »

For all we know the child is 2 yrs old, and going through a phase that the others find unacceptable because theirs havn't yet reached it?.

That happened to me and it was awful. Different situation, I'm sure, to the OP though. (A woman in the same circle of friends shouted at my 6 month old baby because he crawled away when I was changing his nappy!)

Spendless

Gingham_R wrote: »

That happened to me and it was awful. Different situation, I'm sure, to the OP though. (A woman in the same circle of friends shouted at my 6 month old baby because he crawled away when I was changing his nappy!)

I had similar too. I had a walking 9 month old and people expected a far lot more of him because of it, far more than they expected of my friend's child of the same age who was still in a pram lying down. I'd forgotten till you said.

Nicki

Gingham_R wrote: »

That happened to me and it was awful. Different situation, I'm sure, to the OP though. (A woman in the same circle of friends shouted at my 6 month old baby because he crawled away when I was changing his nappy!)

:eek::eek::eek:

Crikey! I took my 2 and 2 month old on an outing with my friend who has a 1 and 2 month year old. She looked on awestruck as I had to pick him up and carry him kicking and screaming down the road when it was time to go, as hers sat placidly in the pushchair! Fortunately she didn't suggest dropping me as a friend forever due to his bad behaviour, just commented that her daughter was NEVER going to grow up to be like that. Hah! Its her first, just she wait