Friendships being ruined by out of control child :(

Bimblebops

Regular poster under a new name for this post.
I'm part of a lovely group of close friends.We all look out for each other and the kids get on great...with the exception of one.Basically this child is rude,aggressive and frequently hurts the other kids and is extremely rude to us adults.It's getting to the point where a lot of us actually are stopping going out to events we once would happily have gone to if we know this other child is going. It's just too stressful having to constantly sort out the problems/crying/fights that are caused.Plus if I'm honest I'm not happy about my children seeing that kind of behaviour or having to put up with being harrassed:o
The mum can't seem to get to grips with the childs behaviour and as a result it pretty much goes unpunished.It is SOO frustrating!
Thing is it's really starting to affect everyones friendships.A few of us have been very open and honest and explained that we feel there's an issue that needs addressing.Tbh that went down like a lead balloon..think "total and utter denial" and you'll get the picture Obviously it's none of our business how the mum parents that child and I'd never suggest I was a perfect parent either so there's not much else we can do.
It's so hard seeing a really good friend constantly upset because pretty much every day she's got a parent/friend/random person in park etc etc telling her that her child did x/y/z but she sticks up for him and believes the child denying it all.
I'm starting to get a bit sick of my own kids missing out on things because of this child too but love my friend to bits and don't want to hurt her feelings anymore than they are already.
Don't really know what to do and would appreciate any thoughts please.Thankyou.

meritaten

sorry - but why should you and your child miss out because another parent cannot control thier child? who comes first? your friend or your child? put this into perspective hun. HER bad parenting is now affecting YOUR child. as a parent you do what you have to do - and if thats losing a friend - then so be it.

moomoomama27

How old is the child? Is it a phase of bad behaviour?

Luciferswench

No parent likes to be told their child isnt the little angel they think they are. If parents dont stick up for their offspring who will? She should stick up for her own child but she needs to take her blinkers off and see her child as everyone else does no ones perfect and neither are our children however much we think they are.
However i do think you need to sit your friend down and tell her how you feel and what the issues are straight to the point. Dont sugar coat it she needs to fact and deal with the issue before she loses friends. And if she is a true friend when shes got over the anger and hurt of being told her child is a little devil she should still be your friend thats if you still want her to be as there maybe some not nice things said in retaliation.

Bennifred

Have you read/seen "The Slap"? :cool:

Seriously though, your friend isn't doing her child any favours by letting him behave so badly. I'm afraid I'd be doing some disciplining (not physical!!) myself if he is rude or hateful in front of me and she won't take responsibility. If she gets upset/annoyed - well, maybe she'll start taking the issue seriously.

LMCD

Maybe you and the other friends should go out separately but still talk to the other mother and explain in the most tactful way possible why..

two lessons might be learnt....kid will learn no one wants to play with a brat/problem child

and mother might learn that her kid does actually have behaviour problems that will affect her life and her friends if she doesn't sort it out now.

but to be honest I feel sorry for the kid - a child knows what a parent teaches and maintains.

claire16c

Bennifred wrote: »

Have you read/seen "The Slap"? :cool:

Seriously though, your friend isn't doing her child any favours by letting him behave so badly. I'm afraid I'd be doing some disciplining (not physical!!) myself if he is rude or hateful in front of me and she won't take responsibility. If she gets upset/annoyed - well, maybe she'll start taking the issue seriously.

I kind of agree. As much as I would never ever want to discipline someone elses child when they were there, if it was at a stage where they were say going to hurt another child or something, and the parent wasnt doing anything then I would.

The only other thing you can do is talk to your friend. And if she wont accept her child is doing any wrong, is she really the kind of friend you want?

zippybungle

Maybe the child has a behaviour problem? Maybe she is embarrased by the behaviour? I am also guessing that the child is a Boy?
Sounds like you have made your own mind up about the child to me and he has been labelled as 'the naughty' child.

thorsoak

Just how old is the child? Is he still a toddler?

jess1974

I have a friend like this, she has 2 boys who are a nightmare, they are 8 and 6 and constantly fighting, swearing etc, she is completely blind to it and never says a thing to them but is super quick to tell off other peoples children.
Unsurprisingly she does'nt get invited out anywhere and her boys never go to other kids houses to play........

adamantine

i have to agree with bennifred that i would be disciplining the child myself if he/she was being rude to me or my children or were in danger of physically hurting another child. the mother may not think that the child is badly behaved then someone needs to step in and show her otherwise.

dont lose out on doing the things that you and the rest of your friends enjoy just because of this child. dont invite her with you when you go out or round to someones house. if she asks why she wasnt invited tell her straight "your child is rude to use and hurts our children. we wanted an enjoyable day without having to be on guard all the time for one child who ruins our kids day. if you want to be included next time then start disciplining your child. random strangers telling you that your child is badly behaved all the time isnt a coincidence."

some might not agree but my kids know how to behave because i taught them how to and as an adult i expect children to be respectful and not physically endanger anyone else.(unless they are a baby and dont know any better of course!)