Adjusting to partner's kids - help and advice would be gracefully received

balletshoes

Catseyes777 wrote: »

I totally agree with you but for instance, he took them to the park Saturday but they kept on and on about me going there with them, hence why I felt guilty about not going.

thats what kids do - go on and on and on . It doesn't mean you have to feel guilty at all if you choose not to spend all their time at yours with them.

the cat just has its nose out of joint because there are other attention-gatherers in the house when the kids are there - the cat will be fine.

Catseyes777

balletshoes wrote: »

you've got almost all day together on Saturday until the kids come. So make your weekend from Friday when you both get home from work until Saturday at 5pm.

You don't need to be at home/with your bf and his kids all the time they're at your house, you can go out and visit your family/friends, go for a walk, do some shopping, have some you time.

Its just going to take some time to adjust, thats all. Theres no need to feel trapped, would you feel the same if your boyfriend worked Saturday evening and all day Sunday, instead of having his kids at that time every week?

I forgot to say, he works Saturdays

Oldernotwiser

Catseyes777 wrote: »

I totally agree with you but for instance, he took them to the park Saturday but they kept on and on about me going there with them, hence why I felt guilty about not going.

I thought he didn't have them until 1700 on Saturday?

mummyroysof3

it takes time to get used to having kids when they are your own and tbh i think its great all the grown ups get on great and care so much...dont be hard on yourself and im sure things will workout if you balance time all together with time on your own for a little break

Catseyes777

blondy24 wrote: »

Have you perhaps spoken to your b/f about how you feel and see if you can work around this to make it better? I did this with my OH as it is difficult when you lose your way of life and have to adapt sometimes.

Yes I did yesterday because I just exploded in tears and had to go out to get some fresh (but rainy) air... He wants to help but until the anxiety attack I am having stops, I can't really think rationally and think of proper ways to sort it out.

Catseyes777

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

tell them that you have boring grown up stuff to do like cleaning/shopping:rotfl:

what does your OH think of all this?

They love shopping... They love cleaning.... They love helping bringing the washing in (although it does end up dragged on the floor at times)... They love helping????

newcook

I think I can understand where you are coming from with the guilt thing. they are in your house and you feel the need to keep them entertained and happy and content but at the same time they are in your house and need to be entertained, kept happy and content!! I think it’s a ‘personal space’ thing if that makes sense?!!? I bet if you think about it you possibly had a similar feeling when OH moved in!

Try going out on Fridays with OH, have a lie in on Saturday and take the boys out for lunch at a wacky on a Sunday. have a soak in the bath once OH has put them to bed saturday (possibly even join in story time) for a bit of 'me' time.

The feeling will pass, just give it time x

Catseyes777

balletshoes wrote: »

do you know why? the practical aspect would be the same wouldn't it - you wouldn't be able to do things with just your boyfriend, because he wouldn't be available.

theres nothing wrong with having a snooze on Sunday once your bf is up with the kids, or even after they've gone at 5pm, if you feel you are missing out on your Sunday lie-in and want a bit of a kip to make it up.

I think it's all about freedom. I was very controlled by my parents as a child/ teenager and it's probably why I was single for so long, because I could not commit to the lack of freedom. By having them there, I feel I have to fulfill some sort of duty?

Catseyes777

balletshoes wrote: »

thats what kids do - go on and on and on . It doesn't mean you have to feel guilty at all if you choose not to spend all their time at yours with them.

the cat just has its nose out of joint because there are other attention-gatherers in the house when the kids are there - the cat will be fine.

Lol... the cat is already on anti depressants believe it or not...

Catseyes777

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I thought he didn't have them until 1700 on Saturday?

Yes they went once they had been dropped off, there is one a minute away from my house.