Adjusting to partner's kids - help and advice would be gracefully received

Catseyes777

blondy24 wrote: »

I would also recommend having at least an hour on your own whilst they are there with you, perhaps pop out for a coffee with friends, have a long hot bath or just go shopping.

Do you do stuff with the children on your own to help with the bonding experience? I feel that this helps me with my OH's three kids and it definitely makes the time with the kids more enjoyable and not resentful. You could perhaps take the kids out for a walk in the park, to a soft play centre or do some fun cooking with the eldest perhaps.....

Have you figured out why you are upset is it because you like your own time, want kids of your own or just wish you could spend all your time with your b/f on your own without anyone else?

I do stuff with them on my own yes, like painting, etc...

I think I am upset because I like my own time yes - thanks for pointing that out, it hadn't appeared to me. I also feel 'bad' as my 13 year old cat is struggling with the whole thing too and pretty much moves out next door for the weekend...

balletshoes

I do get where you're coming from by the way - my DD is 10, and we have my 2-year old niece to stay with us overnight at least once or twice every couple of months, it can be hard work with toddlers! Shopping for anything takes so much longer when you have little ones and pushchairs to contend with.

Catseyes777

balletshoes wrote: »

you've got almost all day together on Saturday until the kids come. So make your weekend from Friday when you both get home from work until Saturday at 5pm.

You don't need to be at home/with your bf and his kids all the time they're at your house, you can go out and visit your family/friends, go for a walk, do some shopping, have some you time.

Its just going to take some time to adjust, thats all. Theres no need to feel trapped, would you feel the same if your boyfriend worked Saturday evening and all day Sunday, instead of having his kids at that time every week?

No, I dont think I would...

Catseyes777

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Why would you feel guilty? The children need time alone with their father, not with you around all the time.

I totally agree with you but for instance, he took them to the park Saturday but they kept on and on about me going there with them, hence why I felt guilty about not going.

mummyroysof3

dont feel guilty...and i think you a saint for even trying to take them food shopping..i avoid taking mine and do it online instead lol

blondy24

Have you perhaps spoken to your b/f about how you feel and see if you can work around this to make it better? I did this with my OH as it is difficult when you lose your way of life and have to adapt sometimes.

mummyroysof3

Catseyes777 wrote: »

I totally agree with you but for instance, he took them to the park Saturday but they kept on and on about me going there with them, hence why I felt guilty about not going.

tell them that you have boring grown up stuff to do like cleaning/shopping:rotfl:

what does your OH think of all this?

balletshoes

Catseyes777 wrote: »

No, I dont think I would...

do you know why? the practical aspect would be the same wouldn't it - you wouldn't be able to do things with just your boyfriend, because he wouldn't be available.

theres nothing wrong with having a snooze on Sunday once your bf is up with the kids, or even after they've gone at 5pm, if you feel you are missing out on your Sunday lie-in and want a bit of a kip to make it up.

Catseyes777

balletshoes wrote: »

I do get where you're coming from by the way - my DD is 10, and we have my 2-year old niece to stay with us overnight at least once or twice every couple of months, it can be hard work with toddlers! Shopping for anything takes so much longer when you have little ones and pushchairs to contend with.

To be fair, they are extremely good kids and a credit to both him and his ex wife. I guess that's why I feel so bad about it.

I also guess it is true what they say (although I wouldnt know, not having kids of my own - and to be honest, at the moment, I dont want any either...), its ok when it's your own but you struggle with other people's kids...

Catseyes777

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

dont feel guilty...and i think you a saint for even trying to take them food shopping..i avoid taking mine and do it online instead lol

Lol thank you! And thank you to all of you, I was worried I would be judged as a bad person for feeling that way...