What can I do - husband expects me to pay for everything

caeler

This rings bells for me. My experience was with my ex husband, I earnt a higher basic than him and proportioned bills like you. However he was paid for overtime (I am not) so often our earnings were equal but still I paid more. I paid for everything, all the unexpected costs because I was sensible and had savings, I always topped up the household budget so we had some kind of savings because I was sensible. He bought fancy gadgets and took out loans without mentioning it to me, whereas I went without rarely treating myself, etc. Then he leaves me because 'we've grown apart' leaving me with his various credit card debts in my name because I balance transferred them to get decent deals to pay off his debts and when we finally sold the house we split it 50/50. I learnt an expensive lesson - a relationship won't work if the principles of money management can't be agreed. I wasted alot of time, energy and money but 4 years on I'm finally sorted! I really hope this isn't happening to you and you can get this sorted between you once and for all and going forward this isn't an issue. Good luck.

RAS

poorlittlefish wrote: »

That's brilliant! I get a lot of "I need you, I can't live without you" etc. That's the difference - I may want to be with him, but I don't need to.

He really knows how to push your buttons doesn't he?

Of course he needs you - to provide all the stuff he cannot or does not want to afford.

Sambucus_Nigra

RAS wrote: »

He really knows how to push your buttons doesn't he?

Of course he needs you - to provide all the stuff he cannot or does not want to afford.

Gosh - so much more diplomatically than I typed - I deleted it several times.

kazwookie

Of course he needs you, you are his meal ticket, and worse still you married him, when it seems from your posts you didn't really wnat too. Wake up!.

Listen to the advise you have been given, and if it is not too late, stop buying this bigger house.

adamantine

pinkteapot wrote: »

My husband and I seem to be part of a dying breed - we have no current accounts in our own names - only a joint account. Both of our salaries are paid into this account and all bills etc are paid out of it. Spending and cash withdrawals also come out of it. We know that after bills, we have £x left over per month for spends/saving. We have that much between us so work together to make sure we don't go over it. There's no concept of "my money/your money" at all. It's our money. If one of us wants something expensive one month, it's ok so long as the other doesn't happen to at the same time!

All the bills are in my name simply because I'm the organised one who set up the accounts when we got our house. :rotfl: But the money just goes out of the joint account so there's no fiddling about with who's paying what.

thats what i did when i got married. it wasnt his/mine it was OURS. doesnt matter who brings in what you are living as one couple so act like it instead of "this is mine i paid for it but you can have that it was bought with your money".

VestanPance wrote: »

His monthly income being flexible should not impact on his financial responsibilities. From what you've decribed he sounds rather immature. Did he live independantly prior to moving in with you? If so he should be well aware of the costs and possible stress of paying the bills each month.

It may be a relationship issue, if his attitude is to ensure he always has enough for spending on luxury things. There's no way on earth you should pay for boilers, home moving costs up front with no plan on how to be paid back.

When married I always went on the what is mine is yours. You still seem to operate a his/hers money system, which works for many too.

I'd suggest four bank accounts.

Account 1: You both pay wages into this. All monthly bills come from this account (make a note of what all bills total at).
Account 2: An amount each month transfered over from account 1 to be used as saving. This could fluctuate depending on his earnings. This fund could be used for emergency repairs such as a boiler.
Account 3 & 4: On what is left over in account 1 after bills and savings have been deducted is split equally and transferred to an account for each person. This allows you both to have an equal amount of free spend to use as you wish without it impacting on bills or savings.

totally agree with this esp the accounts. you both need to start working together or im sorry to say i cannot see this relationship surviving the long haul.

what would happen if/when you have kids? who pays for the pram? cot? nappies?

purcel

Maybe he's sending most of his money home to Romania as most of the romanians do, maybe his family is poor and he doesn't want to tell you why he doesn't have any money left at the end of the month. Obviously with regards to the expensive toys he's buying, I see this as vanity. Tell him and expect change or ditch him!!

Ziggazee

Why oh why do people keep telling the OP that just because they are married.....or have been for two years......that husband is automatically entitled to a 50% share in the property. This is not the case at all!!!

OP, you really need to see a Solicitor for correct advice here, please do not rely on what you are told on these forums. Most Solicitors provide a free legal advice clinic.

Welshwoofs

poorlittlefish wrote: »

He pushed me into marrying him at the start of this year because of employment restrictions making it difficult for him to get a different job (he's Romanian). I said I didn't want to get married time and time again but he was in a desperate situation, I felt sorry for him and I reluctantly agreed on the proviso we have a pre-nuptial agreement (we had been together for 3 years before getting married). I didn't intend to break up with him, but no way did I want to get married. I did it to keep him happy rather than me. Stupid, stupid me.

Uggghhh! No, no, noooooooo!!!! Pre-nups are not worth the paper they are written on in this country!!

If you didn't want to get married in the first place, I'd be seeing a solicitor in double quick time.

I have to admit that at times like this I'm rather glad that I'm a cynical old cow who never got married to her partners. It makes it sooooo much easier.

balletshoes

DUTR wrote: »

Why didn't you say at the begining?
Anyways, at 1st glance it looks like he maybe taking you for a ride, however a colleague at work (own house etc) ended up with a Turkish guy and getting married, we all thought the writing was on the wall and that she would be taken advantage of about etc, however they are happily married and now have thier own family, so your partner's 'reluctance' to contribute, nay just be a cultural thing :cool:

Is it a Romanian cultural male trait to be reluctant to financially contribute and provide for his partner? just wondering.

OP it does sound like so far, the relationship and everything about it has gone the way your husband wants it to, with little consideration for your feelings. Maybe its time to take a step back and look at the situation with your head rather than your heart?

raven83

sounds to me that your his meal ticket i think i would get out as quick as i could if that was me before he bleeds you dry.