What can I do - husband expects me to pay for everything

January20

poorlittlefish wrote: »

No, I had bought my house many years before I met him and had paid off nearly half of it so, given his zero contribution and zero savings, I wouldn't want to risk losing everything I've put in by having the new house/mortgage in joint names. He's never once even suggested having his name added on or having a joint mortgage anyway. The assumption seemed to be that whatever house we moved to would be via what I could afford. Nonetheless, he is intending to move to the new house with me and benefit from the improved space, area etc so I don't think he should expect to get it all for "free".

When he met me he was renting a box room in a shared house with bills included so has never had any real financial responsibilities.

If you are married, I've heard it makes little difference whether it's in your name or both your names. I don't know if it's correct but you should check with a solicitor first. And keep receipt for everything you pay for, because I am sure if you were to split up he would try and get half of everything (except the bills!).

Oldernotwiser

poorlittlefish wrote: »

He pushed me into marrying him at the start of this year because of employment restrictions making it difficult for him to get a different job (he's Romanian).

I am being deafened by the sound of alarm bells ringing!

January20

poorlittlefish wrote: »

He pushed me into marrying him at the start of this year because of employment restrictions making it difficult for him to get a different job (he's Romanian). I said I didn't want to get married time and time again but he was in a desperate situation, I felt sorry for him and I reluctantly agreed on the proviso we have a pre-nuptial agreement (we had been together for 3 years before getting married). I didn't intend to break up with him, but no way did I want to get married. I did it to keep him happy rather than me. Stupid, stupid me.

I've told him not to bother paying me any of the costs of the move. He's agreed to a standing order being paid into a joint "pot" to cover unexpected costs that affect us both so I'll have to see how it goes.

What???
So basically he has you completely wrapped round his little finger? No wonder he thinks he can do as he pleases and pay as little as he pleases! I'm sorry to be harsh but what else is he going to pressurise you to do? Have children?

Yes big alarm bells ringing here too! Time to put your feelings for him aside and see the situation for what it is, because you have not been married for 2 years yet there is still time for you to save your investment.

Did you do a prenup in the end? Or did he talk you out of that one too?

I'm also wondering about the implications of getting married under pressure to a foreign citizen so that they can remain here and gain employment?

neneromanova

Can I just say that Pre Nups mean squat nowadays.

DUTR

poorlittlefish wrote: »

He pushed me into marrying him at the start of this year because of employment restrictions making it difficult for him to get a different job (he's Romanian). I said I didn't want to get married time and time again but he was in a desperate situation, I felt sorry for him and I reluctantly agreed on the proviso we have a pre-nuptial agreement (we had been together for 3 years before getting married). I didn't intend to break up with him, but no way did I want to get married. I did it to keep him happy rather than me. Stupid, stupid me.

I've told him not to bother paying me any of the costs of the move. He's agreed to a standing order being paid into a joint "pot" to cover unexpected costs that affect us both so I'll have to see how it goes.

Why didn't you say at the begining?
Anyways, at 1st glance it looks like he maybe taking you for a ride, however a colleague at work (own house etc) ended up with a Turkish guy and getting married, we all thought the writing was on the wall and that she would be taken advantage of about etc, however they are happily married and now have thier own family, so your partner's 'reluctance' to contribute, nay just be a cultural thing :cool:

poorlittlefish

January20 wrote: »

Did you do a prenup in the end? Or did he talk you out of that one too?

I'm also wondering about the implications of getting married under pressure to a foreign citizen so that they can remain here and gain employment?

Yes, we did have a pre-nup signed and witnessed and he says he's agreeable to a post-nup if I want one. As we've been married less than a year then, from RAS has suggested, hopefully he has a year to buck his ideas up or I file for divorce.

He is and was legally entitled to live here. He was also working legally, on a self-employed basis. However, the company he was doing work for went under and he got offered a job as a proper employee, then was told they couldn't employ him without a "blue card". As we'd already been together for 3 years and I wasn't considering leaving him, that's why I ended up agreeing to marry him, so he could get the job and keep earning. Back then we weren't thinking of moving, so as we'd had the pre-nup, I naively thought I'd be OK.

crazyguy

Tell him to buck his ideas up or you will kick him out, whenever I have lived with someone its not mine and yours it is ours and this guy needs to wake and get with the real world he is abusing your kindness and treating you like a door mat, get him to read this thread in the hopes it will be the wake up call he truly needs.

jackyann

Hope Bob Blue doesn't mind me quoting the Ballad of Erica Levine (3rd verse)

When Erica Levine was twenty-three Her lover said "Erica, marry me.
This relationship is answering a basic need And I'd like to have it legally guaranteed.
For without your precious love I would surely die So why can't we make it legal?" Said Erica, "Why?
Basic needs, at your age, should be met by you; I'm your lover, not your mother---let's be careful what we do.
If I should ever marry,I will marry to grow, Not for tradition, or possession or protection. No!
I love you, but your needs are a very different issue." Then He cried, and Erica handed him a tissue.

OP - do think about some counselling - for the two of you, or maybe just yourself to get things straight.

RAS

I think naive is just about right. What worries me is that having bought a new property during the marriage, unless you divorce within two years, he gets the equity.

And if he can talk you into marrying when you do not want to (sorry but really.......) how long before he talks you into taking out a secured loan against the house so he can buy some toy?

I know we sound harsh but we have seen a lot of people (men and women) get absolutely shafted by partners who wheedle, whine and generally bully them into giving up assets, or forge their signatures to get at them. Like the woman last week whose ex got her to agree to a very high value joint secured loan to do up the kitchen - they were in the horsey bracket. Signed the loan on Tuesday and on Thursday he left with the whole lot in his pocket taking all the equity with him. Or the one earlier this month who has being doing up houses with her partner (not married). He persuaded her to pay the equity out of her house sale into his bank. Then kicked her out.

poorlittlefish

jackyann wrote: »

When Erica Levine was twenty-three Her lover said "Erica, marry me.
This relationship is answering a basic need And I'd like to have it legally guaranteed.
For without your precious love I would surely die So why can't we make it legal?" Said Erica, "Why?
Basic needs, at your age, should be met by you; I'm your lover, not your mother---let's be careful what we do.
If I should ever marry,I will marry to grow, Not for tradition, or possession or protection. No!
I love you, but your needs are a very different issue." Then He cried, and Erica handed him a tissue.

That's brilliant! I get a lot of "I need you, I can't live without you" etc. That's the difference - I may want to be with him, but I don't need to.