What can I do - husband expects me to pay for everything

VestanPance

poorlittlefish wrote: »

No, monthly ones are covered. I wrote about no-one getting to live for free in response to someone else's comment, meaning that I think we should both contribute to the household costs we generate (gas, electricity etc) as opposed to me paying for them all because the house is in my name.

There may be confusion over what people see as monthly costs and household costs. For example I'd see utility bills as a monthly cost as I pay each month by DD for these. I guess going on the fact you don't you possibly pay each quarter meaning there is a bill that is not covered by your monthly bills account.

I think you both need to have an open discussion on the finical side of things. Is he actually aware of what is part of his monthly contribution?

I do find the situation of being married but regarding things as your home to be unusual, but as I've stated earlier I think my approach was more old fashioned as treating a married couple as one family unit/one entity. I'd see a lack of togetherness in that regard as a large worrying sign, suggesting doubts over the union.

SandC

I do agree that you need to see a solicitor but I wouldn't worry too much about him automatically getting half cos you are married. It really doesn't work like that. In the event of a split, his solicitor may make such a demand, doesn't mean he gets it! Generally if it were down to a court decision, a short marriage with no children involved in all probability it would rule that you take what you came with.

Anyway, it needn't come to that but I think you need to realise that he isn't entirely to blame as you have let him get away with this for so long and went into marriage without sorting it out beforehand. I agree with all the others in that what you pay towards expenses in the household is not dependent upon what you earn, it's joint. End of story. My advice would be to use either your account or a new one to have all outgoings paid out from. You both set up standing orders to the amount (plus a bit extra just in case) of all the bills including mortgage split straight down the middle 50/50 and this goes into the bill paying account. He will then learn that what he's left with is not going to cover his gadgets etc. and may want to be a bit more adult about it and extend this split to include incidentals so eventually you both end up with a bit of your 'own money' in your accounts but the majority going into joint for expenses.

Any

Though the chances are that because she is treating it like that unaware of his rights he is acting like he is unaware of his... OP you both seem very young and unexperienced.

Maybe it is time to sit down and discuss the future together. You seem to be married on paper, but haven't actually considered what "married" means.

thorsoak

I know that you refer to your "husband" - you are actually married, not just living together? I ask, because if you were to separate, and you have been married for more than two years, I understand that he could ask for a proportion of the value of your property - maybe you should check this out - especially if you will be investing in a larger/more valuable property!

But I really don't understand the thinking of this generation - when we married, we vowed "all my worldy goods with thee I share". Obviously this thinking is, sadly, out of date now

candygirl

A lot of blokes I know seem to think they should have a massive stash of cash to themselves at the end of each month.I think this is down to the fact they have lived in shared houses or with their parents and paid a pittance each month, so when they marry or move in with somebody they still expect to pay booger all towards the household finances:mad::mad:My first hubby was exactly the same:mad:
It really needs sorting out asap though PLF, and I wish you all the best in this:D:D

RAS

thorsoak wrote: »

I know that you refer to your "husband" - you are actually married, not just living together? I ask, because if you were to separate, and you have been married for more than two years, I understand that he could ask for a proportion of the value of your property - maybe you should check this out - especially if you will be investing in a larger/more valuable property!

This is correct, which is why if the relationship is to flounder, the sooner the better from her point of view.

If they buy the new house as a joint tenancy, then the automatic assumption is 50 percent each from the day of purchase unless their is a deed of trust stating otherwise.

VestanPance

candygirl wrote: »

A lot of blokes I know seem to think they should have a massive stash of cash to themselves at the end of each month.I think this is down to the fact they have lived in shared houses or with their parents and paid a pittance each month, so when they marry or move in with somebody they still expect to pay booger all towards the household finances:mad::mad:My first hubby was exactly the same:mad:
It really needs sorting out asap though PLF, and I wish you all the best in this:D:D

I'm a man and I think I should have a massive stack of cash each month too. It's never happened yet though!

DUTR

candygirl wrote: »

A lot of blokes I know seem to think they should have a massive stash of cash to themselves at the end of each month.I think this is down to the fact they have lived in shared houses or with their parents and paid a pittance each month, so when they marry or move in with somebody they still expect to pay booger all towards the household finances:mad::mad:My first hubby was exactly the same:mad:
It really needs sorting out asap though PLF, and I wish you all the best in this:D:D

I agree with the last line , but not the beginning of the post, your 1st husband is not reflective of most blokes, there are lots of aspects to living and relationships, and having a house is just one small part of it

claire16c

I find it weird that you can be married to someone yet pay bills and emergency items seperately.

I wouldnt marry someone I didnt feel comfortable having a joint account with. It doesnt necessarily have to be one that both your wages go into if for some reason you cant cope with that, but at least an account where you both put money into each month and all the bills come out of that. It doesnt matter if he earns a different amount each month, you could set up a standing order for a reasonable amount and adjust it on the odd month that it didnt seem reasonable.

I did this when I was living with my boyfriend and now we're married all our money just goes into one.

I often find that people Ive met, through work or friends, who seem to argue or have bad relationships, also seem to be the ones who argue or disagree over money. It cant be a coincidence.

jackieb

claire16c wrote: »

I find it weird that you can be married to someone yet pay bills and emergency items seperately.

I wouldnt marry someone I didnt feel comfortable having a joint account with. It doesnt necessarily have to be one that both your wages go into if for some reason you cant cope with that, but at least an account where you both put money into each month and all the bills come out of that. It doesnt matter if he earns a different amount each month, you could set up a standing order for a reasonable amount and adjust it on the odd month that it didnt seem reasonable.

I did this when I was living with my boyfriend and now we're married all our money just goes into one.

I often find that people Ive met, through work or friends, who seem to argue or have bad relationships, also seem to be the ones who argue or disagree over money. It cant be a coincidence.

Even my son and his girlfriend have a joint account and they only moved in together last December. They don't get their wages paid into it as they're not married, but they do both pay into it for the bills.