What can I do - husband expects me to pay for everything

thorsoak

Is the new property going to be in joint names/is the mortgage going to be in joint names?

VestanPance

His monthly income being flexible should not impact on his financial responsibilities. From what you've decribed he sounds rather immature. Did he live independantly prior to moving in with you? If so he should be well aware of the costs and possible stress of paying the bills each month.

It may be a relationship issue, if his attitude is to ensure he always has enough for spending on luxury things. There's no way on earth you should pay for boilers, home moving costs up front with no plan on how to be paid back.

When married I always went on the what is mine is yours. You still seem to operate a his/hers money system, which works for many too.

I'd suggest four bank accounts.

Account 1: You both pay wages into this. All monthly bills come from this account (make a note of what all bills total at).
Account 2: An amount each month transfered over from account 1 to be used as saving. This could fluctuate depending on his earnings. This fund could be used for emergency repairs such as a boiler.
Account 3 & 4: On what is left over in account 1 after bills and savings have been deducted is split equally and transferred to an account for each person. This allows you both to have an equal amount of free spend to use as you wish without it impacting on bills or savings.

Reggie_Rebel

Work out what he owes, tell him you will take it off the profit from the house sale and when you move everything will be split 50/50.

If he doesn't like it, help him pack

Sammy85_2

pinkteapot wrote: »

Have you ever discussed the possibility of having joint accounts instead of separate accounts?

My husband and I seem to be part of a dying breed - we have no current accounts in our own names - only a joint account. Both of our salaries are paid into this account and all bills etc are paid out of it. Spending and cash withdrawals also come out of it. We know that after bills, we have £x left over per month for spends/saving. We have that much between us so work together to make sure we don't go over it. There's no concept of "my money/your money" at all. It's our money. If one of us wants something expensive one month, it's ok so long as the other doesn't happen to at the same time!

All the bills are in my name simply because I'm the organised one who set up the accounts when we got our house. :rotfl: But the money just goes out of the joint account so there's no fiddling about with who's paying what.

Before we were married, hubby had moved into my place and gave me half the cost of the rent/bills each month. Any large bills we also split 50:50. I was insistent that once married we should have joint finances.

Exactly how we did/do manage things in our household. :-)

It works perfectly for us. No arguements. The money in the account is ours, not mine or his and when its gone its gone.

OP - i have to agree with others on this one - your money issues are just symptoms of a bigger relationship issue. You need to sit down with your husband and talk.

pinkteapot

And just to add, I earn quite a bit more than my husband, so it's not like joint finances only work if you're contributing equally. The way I see it:

1. I wouldn't want to "keep" all my money for myself - what's the point in spending on nice things that hubby can't join in with, and

2. Who knows what the future will bring? I might end up earning less than him if/when we have kids (quite likely actually). Or one of us could get seriously ill (God forbid) and not be able to earn. Who knows?

Bottom line: marriage is a partnership and you work together both for the present and your shared future. Your husband seems somewhat oblivious to this. :mad:

poorlittlefish

thorsoak wrote: »

Is the new property going to be in joint names/is the mortgage going to be in joint names?

No, I had bought my house many years before I met him and had paid off nearly half of it so, given his zero contribution and zero savings, I wouldn't want to risk losing everything I've put in by having the new house/mortgage in joint names. He's never once even suggested having his name added on or having a joint mortgage anyway. The assumption seemed to be that whatever house we moved to would be via what I could afford. Nonetheless, he is intending to move to the new house with me and benefit from the improved space, area etc so I don't think he should expect to get it all for "free".

When he met me he was renting a box room in a shared house with bills included so has never had any real financial responsibilities.

poorlittlefish

*Louise* wrote: »

I would suggest now that you up his contribution every month until you have got some of your share back. Then once things are on an even keel, keep it at that amount and put the extra into a joint savings account for future joint purchases.

I think that's a very good idea. One, invariably, that he will not like and will make every excuse not to adopt, but it's a lot fairer than what I've been putting up with and perfectly reasonable in the circumstances - many thanks.

Any

pinkteapot wrote: »

Have you ever discussed the possibility of having joint accounts instead of separate accounts?

What is that going to solve? Apart from the fact that then when he runs out of money he can spend more that she saved and her having to worry contastantly whether there is enough money every time she goes to shop??

This has absolutely nothing to do with where the money comes from, this is a problem of different attitudes.

OP - Your husband is immature little spoilt madam (dor the need of better word:rotfl:) and you have 2 options - either you issue ultimatum and stop playing his mummy or lump it. It seems all the talking has been done.

I was once in very similar position and if he really loves you, he won't see it as nagging or trying to change him but try to think about your feelings/rights as well as his own. If he kicks off then you are better off without him.

MilneBay

Does your husband have a proper understanding of what having a house actually costs? Did he live on his own before? Was he good with money?

If he struggles to save why don't you take a bigger percentage off him each month for 'bills' and then save the surplus on his behalf? I know this is letting him away with not taking responsibility for his own affairs but if talking hasn't resolved the issue this might be a step forward? Perhaps seeing the money there burns a hole in his pocket - remove it before tempation sets in!
MB

DUTR

chesky369 wrote: »

This isn't a financial problem - it's a relationship issue. I'd issue him with an ultimatum and if he didn't get his act together, I'd dump him (but that's just me).

Perhaps that is the Husband's plan. Some of you ladies are putting too much emphasis on ultimatums, it's nothing short of bullying and harrasment, in the case of the original post, if the tables were turned and the chap was paying the majority, then that would be ok, I thought we were in the 21st century, where it is equal rights for both genders.
I do agree thoug it is a relationshp issue, and the OP should question her own values, as there is a strong element of ££££s , why did you choose this guy in the 1st place?
He must have other qualities that money just cannot buy.