What can I do - husband expects me to pay for everything

elantan

Can I ask why you are putting up with it if it clearly annoys you ?

Others have said they wouldn't put up with it and that is there choice ... But until you know why you do or even if you really want to you can't change it effectively

Any

poorlittlefish wrote: »

No, I had bought my house many years before I met him and had paid off nearly half of it so, given his zero contribution and zero savings, I wouldn't want to risk losing everything I've put in by having the new house/mortgage in joint names. He's never once even suggested having his name added on or having a joint mortgage anyway. The assumption seemed to be that whatever house we moved to would be via what I could afford. Nonetheless, he is intending to move to the new house with me and benefit from the improved space, area etc so I don't think he should expect to get it all for "free".

When he met me he was renting a box room in a shared house with bills included so has never had any real financial responsibilities.

I can see where you are coming from but this is not as straight forward...

A/ he probably sees his "responsibilities" to pay half of all the bills as contributing towards YOUR mortgage

B/ if he is paying half of everything he has RIGHT to half/part of your house anyway

C/ for now, he is your HUSBAND.

It would be much more sensible to sit down at solicitors, get house in joint names with paperwork protecting your larger deposit in case you split or something and letting him to take some responsibility for YOUR JOINT future together. You call him your husband, but treat him like lodger. I can see why, but I suspect that is why he never felt the need to pay for every single bit of everything - increasing value of your asset and nothing more.

Any

DUTR wrote: »

Perhaps that is the Husband's plan. Some of you ladies are putting too much emphasis on ultimatums, it's nothing short of bullying and harrasment, in the case of the original post, if the tables were turned and the chap was paying the majority, then that would be ok, I thought we were in the 21st century, where it is equal rights for both genders.
I do agree thoug it is a relationshp issue, and the OP should question her own values, as there is a strong element of ££££s , why did you choose this guy in the 1st place?
He must have other qualities that money just cannot buy.

There is difference between not actually having the money and between not having the money only when she asks... But being able to buy luxury items while she wears Tesco stuff..

She is only concentrated on £££ because he spends on sh*** for himself but does not contribute towards moving???

Have you hit your head??

Birdie85

VestanPance wrote: »

When married I always went on the what is mine is yours. You still seem to operate a his/hers money system, which works for many too.

I'd suggest four bank accounts.

Account 1: You both pay wages into this. All monthly bills come from this account (make a note of what all bills total at).
Account 2: An amount each month transfered over from account 1 to be used as saving. This could fluctuate depending on his earnings. This fund could be used for emergency repairs such as a boiler.
Account 3 & 4: On what is left over in account 1 after bills and savings have been deducted is split equally and transferred to an account for each person. This allows you both to have an equal amount of free spend to use as you wish without it impacting on bills or savings.

Agree with this ^^^

We do similar to this, although we tend to work it a bit differently as in we get wages paid into our personal accounts and move all but our alloted personal spending money (we both get the same even though DH earns more than I do) into the joint account for bills, food, credit card payments etc. It has worked brilliantly the whole time we've done it, we don't argue about money and we can spend what we want out of our personal money without the other person getting annoyed. Point in case, my DH has just spent about £400 to go on a Stag Do to Spain for 3 nights, doesn't bother me as it's come out of his money and hasn't impacted me financially at all... apart from the fact he hasn't been able to treat me to dinner for a couple of months!

Maybe with the new house a new money system should be introduced too, since this house will be 'properly' half his (IYKWIM), so should the financial responsibilities. If he p*sses his money away I'd recommend that you put yourself in charge of putting money away from your joint pot to make sure that you have a rainy day fund so if anything does need replacing it isn't down to you alone to sort out.

DUTR

Any wrote: »

There is difference between not actually having the money and between not having the money only when she asks... But being able to buy luxury items while she wears Tesco stuff..

She is only concentrated on £££ because he spends on sh*** for himself but does not contribute towards moving???

Have you hit your head??

What is hitting my head got to do with anything?
Too much emphasis on !!!!! power, so if you have some valid debate against what i posted in the post before this in the thread, then I'm happy to continue the debate, as mentioned though, she earns more, it is her house, so I don't see why she is complaining about the money side of things.

CH27

poorlittlefish wrote: »

No, I had bought my house many years before I met him and had paid off nearly half of it so, given his zero contribution and zero savings, I wouldn't want to risk losing everything I've put in by having the new house/mortgage in joint names. He's never once even suggested having his name added on or having a joint mortgage anyway. The assumption seemed to be that whatever house we moved to would be via what I could afford. Nonetheless, he is intending to move to the new house with me and benefit from the improved space, area etc so I don't think he should expect to get it all for "free".

When he met me he was renting a box room in a shared house with bills included so has never had any real financial responsibilities.

Your relationship isn't a partnership of equals. He's like a lodger.

I think you need to get some legal advice about protecting your investment & to be aware of the consequences of any future moves, divorce, children etc.

jackieb

My husband makes at least 10 times what I do. It still goes all into the same pot though. I thought marriage was about being in a partnership, not wondering about who pays what percentage of each bill. You need to get a system that works for you. Your present one isn't.

I hope you get it sorted out somehow.

marleyboy

OP - The simplest solution is to stop paying certain bills, lets say the Gas\electric whilst paying rent\water or groceries. Point out that you are giving up paying on certain bills and suggest he sets up an account of his own else its going to be a cold winter.

My partner has full access to my account as we both budget together, occasionally topping each others accounts up to balance them out. We are both happy with this situation as ultimately we are one family, any profits or debts get spread equally and go towards being a family unit, ensuring neither of our accounts dip into the red. This means we dont row over finances, we do have separate accounts, but tend to keep both accounts in check.

poorlittlefish

DUTR wrote: »

she earns more, it is her house, so I don't see why she is complaining about the money side of things.

Yes, it is my house but both of us consume the gas, electricity etc so surely it's not unreasonable for him to contribute towards the household bills? I earn more, so I pay more towards our joint expenses, but I don't know of anyone in full-time work who lives anywhere for free! With regard to the costs of moving, things like the removal men, new furniture etc will be for both of us, which is why I feel we should both contribute.

CH27 - you're right, he is like a lodger. It's a very unhappy situation that can't go on for much longer and I think this move will make or break us. Financially, it's like living by myself already.

Caroline_a

OP i feel your pain, my ex was like this. Note, 'ex'. However, no matter how much you put into the house, it became a 50-50 ownership the day you got married. I'm not sure what you can do about reclaiming what was/is yours, I suspect nothing legally, but in the meantime I would say 'the bills cost x over a year, therefore you need to pay x/12 each month' If it leaves him short some months, tough. What happens if he loses his job... or if you do?