What can I do - husband expects me to pay for everything

gratefulforhelp_2

OP I was in a marriage like this once. Ultimately we wanted a baby, but when the baby arrived and he realised it would cut into his spending, he toddled off. Classy.

Also, if you divorce, savings will be marital assets, but his nice clothes/shoes/watches whatever won't be. Be wary.

meer53

This situation would worry the hell out of me. Please get some legal advice about the financial aspect of your marriage. Sounds like a bit of a marriage of convenience really. I think you know that already, if you're going to make it work then know where you stand, he says he needs you, do you really need him ?

split_second

work out based on basic fixed income, if he gets extra and wants to spend/save thats his choice, he is a grown up now

getmore4less

What are your friends and family telling you?

How old are you both?

He seems to have been manipulating you.

Are you sure the non financial side is not a manipulation as well

What do you see in this guy

Is there some problem historical releationships that have skewed your thinking.

I think I would consider backking out of the move it seems to be a one sided choice to move you seemed to be happy where you were.

Valli

poorlittlefish wrote: »

No, I had bought my house many years before I met him and had paid off nearly half of it so, given his zero contribution and zero savings, I wouldn't want to risk losing everything I've put in by having the new house/mortgage in joint names. He's never once even suggested having his name added on or having a joint mortgage anyway. The assumption seemed to be that whatever house we moved to would be via what I could afford. Nonetheless, he is intending to move to the new house with me and benefit from the improved space, area etc so I don't think he should expect to get it all for "free".

When he met me he was renting a box room in a shared house with bills included so has never had any real financial responsibilities.

poorlittlefish wrote: »

Yes, it is my house but both of us consume the gas, electricity etc so surely it's not unreasonable for him to contribute towards the household bills? I earn more, so I pay more towards our joint expenses, but I don't know of anyone in full-time work who lives anywhere for free! With regard to the costs of moving, things like the removal men, new furniture etc will be for both of us, which is why I feel we should both contribute.

CH27 - you're right, he is like a lodger. It's a very unhappy situation that can't go on for much longer and I think this move will make or break us. Financially, it's like living by myself already.

Not since you got married it isn't...remember that 'all my wordly goods' line? He's married you so he doesn't NEED the added protection of his name on the deeds.

BitterAndTwisted

You might not have understood the significance your marriage has had on the ownership of the house you bought all that time ago until you were told about it on this thread but I guarantee you 100% that he did.

Seanymph

Sweetie you are in a terrible position. I have already poured out my story once today on another thread, but I was mugged by someone very similar.

You need to protect yourself. I know that it's hard when you are raised to do the right thing, be fair, always see the best in people, and pick up the slack when someone else drops the rope (and add into that any abandonment issues/fear of being seen to do it wrong etc etc)............ But believe me when I say wholeheartedly that you need to look out for yourself and there is NOTHING wrong with looking out for your best interests in life. It doesn't make you bad person - it makes you sensible and reasonable.

I find it amazing that generally speaking (yes I know, generalisations get you a smacking on these boards but this one is true) - generally speaking men have no problem looking out for themselves first and anyone else second and women somehow have guilt programmed in so they have to continually put someone else first.

Stop it. You'll lose half your house. There is no reason why you can't say 'half the bills is xxx amount, if you don't earn enough to pay your share you need to get another job or work part time too'. By your theory of working it out if he decided to quit his job and sit at home on the x box you'd pay everything! That can't be right.

I learnt the hard way - know that feeling stupid for years whilst you pay off the mugging to you did whilst knowing in your heart you were being robbed over is not a comfortable way to live. Stand up, square your shoulders, tell him you understand you are married, you love him, but you never birthed him and you have no reason to financially support him - in fact, now you are married you are thinking of stopping working altogether and letting him pay all the bills.'

Then go have a bath and wait for him to work out his panic plan - because he won't take that lying down I'll bet and you can see what he does.

doodoot

Think the words 'saw you coming from a mile off' apply here.

It's OK for him to spend his cash on flashy stuff, but anything to do with the home/relationship is your responsibility...hmmm.

If you were my mate I'd be telling you to bump him back to where he came from!

mucklebones

raven83 wrote: »

sounds to me that your his meal ticket i think i would get out as quick as i could if that was me before he bleeds you dry.

+ 1

..wake up lady please !!!

candygirl

Seanymph wrote: »

Sweetie you are in a terrible position. I have already poured out my story once today on another thread, but I was mugged by someone very similar.

You need to protect yourself. I know that it's hard when you are raised to do the right thing, be fair, always see the best in people, and pick up the slack when someone else drops the rope (and add into that any abandonment issues/fear of being seen to do it wrong etc etc)............ But believe me when I say wholeheartedly that you need to look out for yourself and there is NOTHING wrong with looking out for your best interests in life. It doesn't make you bad person - it makes you sensible and reasonable.

I find it amazing that generally speaking (yes I know, generalisations get you a smacking on these boards but this one is true) - generally speaking men have no problem looking out for themselves first and anyone else second and women somehow have guilt programmed in so they have to continually put someone else first.

Stop it. You'll lose half your house. There is no reason why you can't say 'half the bills is xxx amount, if you don't earn enough to pay your share you need to get another job or work part time too'. By your theory of working it out if he decided to quit his job and sit at home on the x box you'd pay everything! That can't be right.

I learnt the hard way - know that feeling stupid for years whilst you pay off the mugging to you did whilst knowing in your heart you were being robbed over is not a comfortable way to live. Stand up, square your shoulders, tell him you understand you are married, you love him, but you never birthed him and you have no reason to financially support him - in fact, now you are married you are thinking of stopping working altogether and letting him pay all the bills.'

Then go have a bath and wait for him to work out his panic plan - because he won't take that lying down I'll bet and you can see what he does.

Totally agree:T:T:T:T