What can I do - husband expects me to pay for everything

VestanPance

claire16c wrote: »

I find it weird that you can be married to someone yet pay bills and emergency items seperately.

It's always seemed strange to me, but many folk do it. I've never understood how people can commit to marrying someone they don't trust enough to share financial responsibility with.

nic_santorini

I totally get you, I have one of these too. He pays his share of bills and always puts his hand in his pocket for meals and drinks out, but he does not save. I don't think he sees the point. I budget and if that means I don't get my hair cut or buy value beans then that is what I will do, in order to save some pennies each month. This builds a slush fund and pays for big things around the house, like new carpets etc. I will not buy things unless I have money to do it but he would just put it on a credit card and pay monthly for it. We just have different views of money and it used to cause the biggest arguments, now I don't bother because he is not going to change and he has many other redeeming features.

poorlittlefish

He pushed me into marrying him at the start of this year because of employment restrictions making it difficult for him to get a different job (he's Romanian). I said I didn't want to get married time and time again but he was in a desperate situation, I felt sorry for him and I reluctantly agreed on the proviso we have a pre-nuptial agreement (we had been together for 3 years before getting married). I didn't intend to break up with him, but no way did I want to get married. I did it to keep him happy rather than me. Stupid, stupid me.

I've told him not to bother paying me any of the costs of the move. He's agreed to a standing order being paid into a joint "pot" to cover unexpected costs that affect us both so I'll have to see how it goes.

claire16c

jackieb wrote: »

Even my son and his girlfriend have a joint account and they only moved in together last December. They don't get their wages paid into it as they're not married, but they do both pay into it for the bills.

Yes exactly, we did it as soon as we moved in together too. Then this year we got married so it all goes into joint now.

It gets ridiculous otherwise owing each money for food shopping, nights out etc.

VestanPance wrote: »

It's always seemed strange to me, but many folk do it. I've never understood how people can commit to marrying someone they don't trust enough to share financial responsibility with.

I trust my partner with my life, let alone money. I understand some people are just generally bad with money, and sometimes my partner isnt great at saving etc unless i make him, but he knows that so I take care of the bills and money. When he gets paid I take money out and put it in savings account, and he trusts me to do that. He takes care of other things Im not so good at. Surely marriage is being a team?

VestanPance

Not wanting to judge the situation, but nobody should be pressured into marriage.

They way you've described it the marriage is almost just a citizenship visa and the relationship is still of that of boyfriend/girlfriend.

candygirl

DUTR wrote: »

I agree with the last line , but not the beginning of the post, your 1st husband is not reflective of most blokes, there are lots of aspects to living and relationships, and having a house is just one small part of it

I know a lot of my friends partners who are the same, although appreciate not all men are like this, eg my partner isn't ,thank God:D;)

RAS

poorlittlefish wrote: »

He pushed me into marrying him at the start of this year because of employment restrictions making it difficult for him to get a different job (he's Romanian). I said I didn't want to get married time and time again but he was in a desperate situation, I felt sorry for him and I reluctantly agreed on the proviso we have a pre-nuptial agreement (we had been together for 3 years before getting married). I didn't intend to break up with him, but no way did I want to get married. I did it to keep him happy rather than me. Stupid, stupid me.

I've told him not to bother paying me any of the costs of the move. He's agreed to a standing order being paid into a joint "pot" to cover unexpected costs that affect us both so I'll have to see how it goes.

In which case, please see a lawyer next week. Pre-nups have now basis in law in the UK as yet, so you need to end this marriage before the two years are up. At the moment he is entitled to nothing if you break up; if you buy this new house as a joint tenancy, you have joint and several ownership which means that you both own the whole house, so your equity is no longer yours.

Halt the house sale and purchase. Then give him one year to sort himself out - by which I mean contributing fully to the household in every way. If he fails to help round the house, fully contribute to the hosuehold expenses etc, divorce him.

And make sure you are on the pill, have an IUD and use condoms in the mean-time!

cte1111

Do you still want to be with your husband? It doesn't seem clear from your posts.

poorlittlefish

cte1111 wrote: »

Do you still want to be with your husband? It doesn't seem clear from your posts.

I would like to stay with him if he can become a bit more responsible and appreciative of how much of a burden he puts on me. I've talked to him about everything (again) this afternoon so hopefully he now realises that I don't want to continue as we have been.

RAS - what is the 2-year thing? Is that part of divorce legislation, that if you've been married for less than 2 years then one partner can't make a claim against assets that were owned solely by the other prior to marriage? The new house is in my sole name, but obviously the pre-nup only made mention of the current house, so maybe a post-nup could be of use. We move to the new place next week and the contracts were exchanged before all this came to a head so it's too late to back out now.

RAS

poorlittlefish wrote: »

I would like to stay with him if he can become a bit more responsible and appreciative of how much of a burden he puts on me. I've talked to him about everything (again) this afternoon so hopefully he now realises that I don't want to continue as we have been.

RAS - what is the 2-year thing? Is that part of divorce legislation, that if you've been married for less than 2 years then one partner can't make a claim against assets that were owned solely by the other prior to marriage? The new house is in my sole name, but obviously the pre-nup only made mention of the current house, so maybe a post-nup could be of use. We move to the new place next week and the contracts were exchanged before all this came to a head so it's too late to back out now.

Yes, if you divorce within two years, the courts will put you both back in the same financial position as you were in prior to marriage.

Leave it any later and the courts assume that the starting point is 50 percent of the assets of the marriage (that includes all property owned by either party irrespective of who owns it on paper and when it was purchased) to each party. If you are the higher earner by a long way, he might get more than 50 percent.

Who signed the exchange?

And can you talk to your solicitor to check the situation before you complete, please.