DD wore my perfume!

surfboard2

I know the OP is now claiming the issue is more so about lying, but the original post certainly doesn't suggest that, which is why most of the replies aren't focussing on that issue.

pinkcandyflossprincess

Oh dear, my 3 year old and 7 year old daughters often have a secret squirt of my perfume, the only one that doesnt is the 16 year old:p
even my 5 year old son has tested out my collection, Versace, Gucci,Dior...they seem to have a preference for my more expensive ones:rotfl:
I honestly think its nothing to worry about, take her shopping and get her to choose one of her own , poor girl only wanted to smell like mommy:(

3v3

Kaz2904 wrote: »

....
Picked her up from school ...
. I asked if she had had a chance to think aboutthe perfume. ...
.. I said I knew she was lying..
.. asked her if she knew how much the perfume cost.
Asked if she was aware that there is only about 6 tsps in a bottle.
Asked her how much perfume I have and how much she has.
Asked if she has more or I do.
I reminded her that I don't want her touching my make-up, perfume or jewellery and asked her why she thought that might be.
... I explained that if I let her loose on all of my stuff, ...
.. and said that she now knew the boundaries again and was not to step over them ...
.. I asked her again what happened to the perfume ..
. pointed out Jojo's observation about the explosive possibilities (she looked a bit shocked by that). ..
.. have told her again that I will not be lied to and that it will only make things worse for herself if she does. She then cried as I said to let that be an end of it and I gave her a cuddle ...

I think, Kaz, the above illustrates why people pick up on your words On the one hand you claim ....

Originally Posted by Kaz
Like I keep saying, it's not about the perfume,
It's about the lying.

People offered advice on that issue and yet, when you pick her up from school you go on about "the perfume" 8 times and yet mention "lying", just twice (not to mention potentially giving her nightmares over explosives!! Even if *she* never touches them again, she could now be worried about it happening to *you*!). No wonder she was crying at the end of it!

Reading it, even I felt overwhelmed by a sense of information overload. If it was the lying, then mention of the perfume should have been restricted to a mention purely as an example. I'm not convinced you have got your point across to your daughter. I'm left with the impression "the perfume" is 4 times more important than the lying!

Kaz2904 wrote: »

...
It's not like she borrowed it is it for heavens sake! She can't put it back. To take something from another person without permission or consent is theft. Essentially that is what she did. No, it isn't; children under the age of 10yrs old are not deemed *criminially* responsible. And it isn't even "theft" - this is your 9yr old daughter; she *used* your perfume.
.....
If I was to walk into a jewellers tomorrow and take a diamond ring from the window (just to wear because I admire them), would that be ok? I would return it in the same condition. No, it wouldn't would it. You're not 9yrs old and you don't live in a jewellers which your parents own. So the two examples are not comparable.

I can't help thinking that, overall, instead of enlightening your daughter on the virtues of honesty vs the pitfalls of lying, your total focus has been side tracked and you have failed to achieve your aim regarding the lying.

Still, on a plus side, your daughter now knows how much perfume costs, that it contains 6tsps, she has more of it than you do and each time anyone uses a hairdryer near perfume can potentially be blown up and when you ask if you can "pinch" a sweet, you are in fact stealing from your own children

bestpud

I understand your frustration, OP.

It's not how I'd have dealt with it, but every child is different and some will understand the value of things before others, but that doesn't make it right!

My sister was awful when we were growing up. She would take anything and everything and swapped some very precious things of mine for tat - she would take them to school and swap with friends. She also broke all my mums jewellery and make-up etc.

My parents thought she'd grow out of it, but guess what, she never did!! She will still take things 'to borrow' and never return them! It is very annoying for me as I am someone who prefers quality over quantity and I value my personal possessions.

My OH comes from a family with very strict rules when it comes to personal possessions, so he was incensed when she stayed with us once and just took a pair of his socks because her feet were cold!!! She was about 17 at the time!!

I don't know the answer, sadly, as none of mine are like that, but I do think you are right to try and stop it, as I'm convinced some children need constant reminding if they are to grow out of it.

Maybe take a few deep breaths before going off on one, as that may be counterproductive, but still make sure she knows it is wrong to just take things...?

emsywoo123

3v3 wrote: »

I think, Kaz, the above illustrates why people pick up on your words On the one hand you claim ....

People offered advice on that issue and yet, when you pick her up from school you go on about "the perfume" 8 times and yet mention "lying", just twice (not to mention potentially giving her nightmares over explosives!! Even if *she* never touches them again, she could now be worried about it happening to *you*!). No wonder she was crying at the end of it!

Reading it, even I felt overwhelmed by a sense of information overload. If it was the lying, then mention of the perfume should have been restricted to a mention purely as an example. I'm not convinced you have got your point across to your daughter. I'm left with the impression "the perfume" is 4 times more important than the lying!


I can't help thinking that, overall, instead of enlightening your daughter on the virtues of honesty vs the pitfalls of lying, your total focus has been side tracked and you have failed to achieve your aim regarding the lying.

Still, on a plus side, your daughter now knows how much perfume costs, that it contains 6tsps, she has more of it than you do and each time anyone uses a hairdryer near perfume can potentially be blown up and when you ask if you can "pinch" a sweet, you are in fact stealing from your own children

Have read this thread from the start but refrained from posting (although I have never seen a early (I think the 2nd) reply from a poster recieve quite so many "thanks"!!!!) but I wanted to say 100% that I agree with this post.

QuackQuackOops

Dear God. All I can say is thank God you are not my Mum.
You want to cancel a party because she had a squirt of perfume?? You allowed her into your personal space to begin with.

I am all for disipline and rules but if you don;t tone it down, you'll have a rebel on your hands........a really bad one!

Jinx

I havent read all the responses but I will just say that the OP should pick her battles. I have been known to over react occasionally so when I had my daughter I tried really hard to take the tack of 'will this matter in 6 months?'. If the answer is no then I would try not to go overboard. Trying perfume in my book is not a dire offence. I can now borrow my daughters stuff as shes 19 Goes around, comes around lol

pinkmami

I haven't read all the replies but I think you've over-reacted a bit. At the end of the day it was only perfume.

If you want her to stop using your stuff maybe hide them away & stop her going to your room.

Does she have her own mirror/dryer etc? If not, maybe invest in them.

Kaz2904

She does have her own mirror and dryer. I actually just told her to go upstairs and dry her hair, she went to my room. I didn't bother adding that afterwards because it just seemed so pointless at the time.
What I was after was some hints and tips of how to deal with it before it starts escalating.
I've never been in the position before where she has lied to me without her hand over her mouth- that's what surprised me so much!
I think we have handled it right for our DD and our family- we've used humour too once we'd got across the seriousness of lying and taking others stuff without asking. She has had a few wry smiles too so it's not just us having a dig before anyone picks up on that.
For example, it was hero day at school on Friday, she wanted to go as me (a nurse) so I said she could. "You might as well, you went as me today!" She laughed about that.
She knows she's done wrong. I know that some posters on here think that I should be happy that she wants to use everything of mine but I'm not. She's not an adult and there are (IMO) age appropriate smells. She shouldn't have a heavy adult fragrance on her. Besides, if I let her get used to wearing my expensive perfume now, she'll never have the joy of cheap toilet block smellies !

Carl31

I think the op was prefectly fine to react this way, respect for other people and possesions needs to be taught, else kids will grow up thinking its fine to help themselves to anything and everything. A chat about it would be needed though, as im sure soon there will be a time a sibling uses her stuff without asking where she will blow her top.

It doesnt matter what the situation is, its about respect for other people. A friend of my oh had relaxed rules at home, now she comes round and just helps herself to food and clothes, her kids do the same. Hence she has a bad rep, i wouldnt want my kids growing up like that