DD wore my perfume!

kafkathecat

I know Quack just said it better but everyone lies all the time. We lie to make people feel better, to make ourselves look better and to get ourselves out of trouble. If you don't want your daughter to lie to you then don't make such a big issue over things that at the end of the day don't really matter. When my ds was younger a friend once said to me, amazed, "Your son tells you everything because you never tell him off!" I always just try to resolve the issue at hand. What is done is done.

Sublime_2

Yes my 3 year old son, loves messing/playing dress up with my make-up, painting it everywhere he can, and my daughter loves spraying my perfume. They're children. I try and keep them out of my room is all.

All they are doing is trying to be like mummy. They're always clip clopping about in my heels, if they get the chance. Being stricter now though. :rotfl:

puddy

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

As for the 2 year old. If you are aware of whos fault it was that the belt buckle got broken, then why did you bother with the talking to that you gave her at 2 years old?

its called parenting, you know when you talk about things that have happened in the day, when you say the word 'no' so that they get to understand what it means, you know 'communication'

jellyhead

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I'm sure the OP relishes another comment, to add to their collection.

Any more for any more? There must be someone on the planet left that hasn't stuck the boot in yet?

oooh, can I join in?

I can understand the OP's upset over her daughter lying, and lying convincingly. It's horrible when you realise that they can do that

Kaz2904

I'm not sure why I keep coming back here. It's like picking a scab really, I just can't stop.
Answers are getting a bit ludicrous now and I'm being to wonder if we've been dumped on an alternate reality.
I'm sorry that I'm the only person on here who is trying to discipline my child and the only person on here who has ever tried to explain a situation to them. It makes me sad to think that people can over react to what they are reading so badly to think that my DD is frightened of me, that I am a moronic probably abusive parent and that I clearly massively react over ever little situation. Gladly, I live with my DD so I know the reality of the situation and was actually there when it happened. I haven't hysterically twisted the words of an anonnymous stranger on an internet forum.
If you all reread the original post, I think you will see that it is not actually about the perfume as I said in that opening post. All of the other information is there to try and provide some back story so that people don't just say 'you're over reacting, it's only perfume'.
Someone pointed out yesterday that a child is not criminally responsible until the age of 10. I have 4 weeks until DD becomes that age. 28 days. There's a whole world of difference between turned 9 yesterday and about to turn 10. Above all, I know my DD and know what she will try to get away with.

I actually came on here for some advice about what to do. I have had very little advice in reality just loads of people having a dig and "OMG, you're such a b1tch! bet your DD really hates you and is scared of you".

basketcase

Kaz2904 wrote: »

I'm not sure why I keep coming back here. It's like picking a scab really, I just can't stop.
Answers are getting a bit ludicrous now and I'm being to wonder if we've been dumped on an alternate reality.
I'm sorry that I'm the only person on here who is trying to discipline my child and the only person on here who has ever tried to explain a situation to them. It makes me sad to think that people can over react to what they are reading so badly to think that my DD is frightened of me, that I am a moronic probably abusive parent and that I clearly massively react over ever little situation. Gladly, I live with my DD so I know the reality of the situation and was actually there when it happened. I haven't hysterically twisted the words of an anonnymous stranger on an internet forum.
If you all reread the original post, I think you will see that it is not actually about the perfume as I said in that opening post. All of the other information is there to try and provide some back story so that people don't just say 'you're over reacting, it's only perfume'.
Someone pointed out yesterday that a child is not criminally responsible until the age of 10. I have 4 weeks until DD becomes that age. 28 days. There's a whole world of difference between turned 9 yesterday and about to turn 10. Above all, I know my DD and know what she will try to get away with.

I actually came on here for some advice about what to do. I have had very little advice in reality just loads of people having a dig and "OMG, you're such a b1tch! bet your DD really hates you and is scared of you".

Of course it's not about the perfume - and you're not the only one. I wouldn't have a child of mine telling lies like that one without some form of discipline either. Or taking stuff that wasn't theirs. That's called stealing. (As in "All children take money from their mother's purse. It's not really stealing. They wouldn't do it with anybody else")

Presumably shops should keep everything in the storage area rather than on the shelves, to avoid tempting people. :rotfl:

It sounds silly and petty when it's (just) a squirt of perfume. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I understood your point to be that if the habit isn't broken when it is something that doesn't matter, one day it may well be something that does.

Your OP did seem to run the 2 objectives into one - discipline for the actual perfume and discipline for the fact that it wasn't either the first time she'd been asked to leave things alone or the first time she'd denied doing something. I think this may be why people thought your reaction was OTT.

Perhaps if she does it again, you could confiscate her mounds of stuff and let her have it back a piece at a time? Also, perhaps, explain that you need to know she's telling the truth. Maybe you could use the example that if she was accused (wrongly) of taking someone's purse at school and she told you she hadn't done it, you currently couldn't believe her.

Feel free to ignore...:o

mrs_marty

To throw in my penny's worth. I cannot stand lie's, I tell my children I can deal with anything but not lie's as once you tell one lie that is it, you have started a vicious circle.

I TBH would have reacted the same to the bare faced lie, in fact I would have removed her ipod from her my daughter is 8 (this being her prized possession) until could tell me why she was lying and continuing to do so. The ipod would remain in my possession for a few days as punishment. The perfume is a side issue, it doesn't matter what she had done it was her reaction to being asked. It's our job as parents to teach them standards, respect and honesty. Children will lie to get themselves out of things it's a natural step in growing up, it's our job as parents to teach them that this isn't right, so they become honest adults.

Hope your daughter has learned that honesty is the best policy, as the consequences of lying aren't very nice!

newcook

Here you are then guys and gals, what if the scenario was slightly different? What would you all say if the OP had said

‘I sent my daughter to my room to dry her hair and she took £5 that was on the side. Ive asked her about it but she says she didn’t take it. I have told her off and sent her to bed. I know she took it because I placed it on there 5 minutes before when I emptied hubbys pockets for the wash’

Would you all still say she is over-reacting?!

kafkathecat

Hi Kaz, you are obvioulsy doing a good job because your daughter wants to be you! You are her hero! I can't speak for anyone else but I wanted to put across a different view of punishment. You don't have to punish a child to teach them. I have never punished my son for anything and in general he is a pleasure to be around. I think, in part, it is luck as he is a lot like his dad but most of the major upsets we have had have been ironed out by talking. Imho sometimes the lesson that is learnt from punishment is not always the one you are trying to teach eg. don't get caught. With parenting we are all just doing our best, good luck.

January20

Kaz2904 wrote: »

I'm not sure why I keep coming back here. It's like picking a scab really, I just can't stop.
Answers are getting a bit ludicrous now and I'm being to wonder if we've been dumped on an alternate reality.
I'm sorry that I'm the only person on here who is trying to discipline my child and the only person on here who has ever tried to explain a situation to them. It makes me sad to think that people can over react to what they are reading so badly to think that my DD is frightened of me, that I am a moronic probably abusive parent and that I clearly massively react over ever little situation. Gladly, I live with my DD so I know the reality of the situation and was actually there when it happened. I haven't hysterically twisted the words of an anonnymous stranger on an internet forum.
If you all reread the original post, I think you will see that it is not actually about the perfume as I said in that opening post. All of the other information is there to try and provide some back story so that people don't just say 'you're over reacting, it's only perfume'.
Someone pointed out yesterday that a child is not criminally responsible until the age of 10. I have 4 weeks until DD becomes that age. 28 days. There's a whole world of difference between turned 9 yesterday and about to turn 10. Above all, I know my DD and know what she will try to get away with.

I actually came on here for some advice about what to do. I have had very little advice in reality just loads of people having a dig and "OMG, you're such a b1tch! bet your DD really hates you and is scared of you".

The bit I highlighted. I completely agree with you and I am completely shocked at the number of people who said "it's just a squirt of perfume". It is like some people are doing it on purpose to not see what the real problem is, here. Not that she had a squirt of perfume, but that she took something that didn't belong to her, and then lied about it. I remember the 1st time I realised my dd was able to lie to me. I was so shocked and hurt and felt betrayed because foolishly I thought she always told the truth. It took months for me to trust her again. I was reminded of this by the poster who used the example of your dd being accused of stealing at school. Good example to use.

I think you were right to be upset because she took something of yours without asking. I think you were right being annoyed with her for blatantly telling lies. For me, it's not just about the perfume, but it's not about telling lies only either. It's about both. She took something without asking and then lied about it. What if you had said nothing and she did the same at a friend's or a relative's? What if she then thought it was ok to take something in a shop?

There are a lot of children out there who are growing up without boundaries. It's very sad that parents don't teach them because eventually the children will be the ones viewed in a negative light, as being naughty and disrespectful.

It's also worth noting that children disciplined properly do not fear their parents, and I believe parents who are afraid to discipline their children because they want to be seen as their friends do not get any respect from them.

I also think Kaz that a lot of posters now haven't got the time or the inclination to read more than a few posts from this thread and are just repeating the same comments without having a full picture of the discussion, so perhaps it might be best to ignore them and let this thread die a natural death?