Which way around should it be?

lostinrates

Tish_P wrote: »

Unless he's at a very small and rural school there will be other kids with no presents and no tree, be they Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or whatever. !

that's true, and there will also be non Chrtians who DO celebrate Christmas. Noone likes Christmas like my (agnostic Jewish) husband and his immeadiate family were brought up celebrating Christmas. In fact, one of his favorite films is Scrooge and he starts singing ''December the 25th'' ...hmmmm, about now. He just adores Chistmas. My family always invited people who were ''at loose ends'' for our Chritmas meals and I guess we've shared a Chritmas table from many religious and non religious backgrounds.

Torry_Quine

balletshoes wrote: »

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I don't necessarily agree with that - my DD's 2 best friends when she was 6 were both from practising Muslim families and niether of them celebrated Christmas. Its not a big deal unless you choose to make it a big deal (which I personally do - love love love Christmas :)).

I said ignore not celebrate.

Hub

mildred1978 wrote: »

I may give in in time and do something small. But I WILL NOT be lying to him about Santa. That is an absolute. I'll teach him that others believe, and that's fine, but we don't.

There is nothing magical about lying.

I remember a time when I believed Father Christmas. But I don't remember being angry with my parents or accusing them of lying to me or thinking of them as liars when I discovered he wasn't "real". Do you seriously believe that telling a child that Santa is real is the same as lying? Do you imagine that you'll be able to go through your whole life without lying to your child?

Lunar_Eclipse

mildred1978 wrote: »

But I WILL NOT be lying to him about Santa. That is an absolute.

There is nothing magical about lying.

I agree with you.

Whilst we do celebrate Christmas and Father Christmas is a part of it, I wouldn't do the whole 'Santa thing' if I could turn the clock back. However, I also haven't lied to my children about it. We've pretended and played make believe, which I think is why children find the whole experience so magical. In all honesty, my children rationalised FC couldn't possibly exist before their first Xmas at school aged 4 & 5.

I think there is a nice balance to be struck in celebrating Xmas and I'd find it very hard to happily ignore it since it's everywhere you look, for far too much of the year. I also think it's important not to go overboard with presents for children (does them no good) and teach them non materialistic values, without them being ostracised in any way living in the country we do. It does depend on your lifestyle to a large degree in making Xmas avoidance work and I'm not surprised at all that Mildred mentioned homeschooling.

As for the original question, I also agree there's no right or wrong. If you don't send these grandparents an Xmas card (by which I mean a non religious card during the festive period to wish them well), knowing full well that it's something they celebrate, then clearly you shouldn't expect them not to send you one or make extra effort for your son's birthday (there's something odd behind that though it would appear.)

Lunar_Eclipse

Hub wrote: »

Do you imagine that you'll be able to go through your whole life without lying to your child?

I hope to and assume most people think the same. Why do you think that's not possible?

I haven't lied to mine so far and whilst we do have visits from Santa (whom neither of my kids believe is real), I never lied about him. Asked anything directly, from anyone, and I would never lie. There are numerous ways of avoiding the truth without actually lying! Having said that, I have already declared I wouldn't repeat this behaviour (facade about FC) because of the deceit.

mountainofdebt

I always remember a girl - who wouldn't say boo to a goose - giving a Christmas card to a JW, who promptly put it in the bin.

We all were gob smacked at the rudeness of the JW - even if your religion doesn't do Christmas, I bet your religion does politeness.

I agree though - OP you're going to have mega issues when your little one goes to school as everything gets announced in the play yard - regardless of whether you want it to or not ......and are you really going to put the card your little one makes you in the bin - I would be putting money on no personally.

thegirlintheattic

Just accept it. If your son asks (when he is older) why he gets no birthday card from GP then explain that they do not really celebrate birthdays the same as you don't do Christmas. It might be the case they don't feel such a young child needs a card.

I think you'll find it hard to ignore x-mas when your child is older TBH.

mumps

We did and ddn't do the Santa thing. I told my children that Santa was just another name for St Nicholas whose job was to look after all children and that he would know if they had behaved and if they deserved presents but the presents came from us.

I think it must get more complicated to "do" Christmas if you don't believe in the Nativity. I wish there was a secular celebration so that Christians could celebrate the religious festival separately from the razzle dazzle consumer festival that people call Christmas.

I can't believe how hard it is to get an advent calendar with a religious scene on it, I mean why would you want a Ben 10 advent calendar. I think I am showing my age! Thinking about it my grandson would probably like a Ben 10 Advent calendar. I did see an advent calendar last year that was a count down to the new year which I thought was a nice idea.

I hope this doesn't seem offensive, I don't mean non Christians shouldn't be able to join in with the celebrations just like I have enjoyed Eid or Diwali or Hanukkah parties. It just feels like what people call Christmas isn't really anything to do with Christmas, I hope that makes sense, I'm not well at the moment and I'm not sure that I am making sense.

milliebear00001

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

IAs for the original question, I also agree there's no right or wrong. If you don't send these grandparents an Xmas card (by which I mean a non religious card during the festive period to wish them well), knowing full well that it's something they celebrate, then clearly you shouldn't expect them not to send you one or make extra effort for your son's birthday (there's something odd behind that though it would appear.)

It is exactly the bit highlighted in red that would be my point.

If you (OP) don't respect the grandparents' beliefs enough to send them a card wishing them well at one of the most important festivals in their faith, then why on earth would you expect them to send you or yours birthday cards? You care about birthdays - hence you expect a card. They care about Christmas - hence they probably expect a card. Neither of you are especially thoughtful by the sounds of things; are probably rather wrapped up in your own lives and points of view with very little consideration for how others might feel and almost certainly deserve each other because of that.

Jinx

I think you go with the flow for your own little family and let the others around you give when and if they want.

As an atheist I do celebrate christmas, I celebrate another excuse to get everyone around me that I love and ply them with food, alcohol and pressies.