Which way around should it be?

mildred1978

Had a discussion with a friend earlier, and inteigued to know what a wider audience think.

My husband's grandparents never bothered to get our son a card when he was born. We had a meal for his 1st birthday which they came to but didn't bring a present or a card. DH and I are atheists and so don't really celebrate Christmas. We make a fuss over birthdays instead.

DH's grandparents are religious and will probably send a card (at least) for Christmas.


Now, herein lies the debate. Should the grandparent's bow to our way of doing things, or should we bow down to the grandparents? Our usual response to Christmas cards is to chuck them straight in the recycling. Their usual treatment of birthdays seems to be to ignore them. Should the giver or the receiver's wishes take priority?

JB1971

Well personally I don't think that anyone should be 'bowing down' - its just a case of each to their own!
I don't tend to make a fuss over birthdays (my own or anyone else's) but I must admit that is mainly down to me forgetting! Christmas on the other hand is pretty hard to forget! Do you make a fuss of them for Christmas (as that is their preference?)

Toto

I think it's a bit of both really. I can't possibly know the wishes of everyone who I might want to send a card to (hypothetically speaking as I don't do cards) so they would have to accept my gift/card in whatever way I sent it. On the other hand if I knew someone was a different religion I might send them something which was in keeping with their celebrations. I think in your case you to relax a bit and say, christmas is important to them so that's when their gift/card comes, does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? It's not like they completely ignore you all year is it?

mancitychick

I would say the giver. Do you not do anything at Christmas time, not even non religious father Christmas/seasons greetings, especially as you have a child.

The above isn't a judgement I just am mosey! Lol. Grew up in a strict catholic family so no experience of anything other than celebrating Christmas with a religious aspect to it.

Emmzi

as you should never ever expect a gift, obviously it is uo to the giver to give stuff as they choose.

And if you like stuff say thank you, and if you don't thank them for the thought but ask not to have gifts again.

But you cannot ask for gifts at a different time, that is just rude!

mildred1978

mancitychick wrote: »

I would say the giver. Do you not do anything at Christmas time, not even non religious father Christmas/seasons greetings, especially as you have a child.

The above isn't judgement I just am mosey! Lol. Grew up in a strict catholic family so no experience of anything other than celebrating Christmas with a religious aspect to it.

We tend to go on holiday, lol, usually to countries that don't celebrate either! No tree, no Santa (DS is only 14 months old anyway), no presents or cards, no extended family gathering etc.

The grandparents know how we feel as there was a "discussion" when DH and I refused to marry in church. I don't know why but they don't really bother with us the other 364 days a year (all effort is on our part) and I don't feel that a Christmas card makes up for that.

mildred1978

Emmzi wrote: »

as you should never ever expect a gift, obviously it is uo to the giver to give stuff as they choose.

And if you like stuff say thank you, and if you don't thank them for the thought but ask not to have gifts again.

But you cannot ask for gifts at a different time, that is just rude!

Oh, we don't expect anything, ever. The whole family is a bit odd.

I just find it odd that having accepted an invitation to a gathering for a birthday, they wouldn't even bring a card, but then they'd send a card they know won't be appreciated at another point in the year.

jackieb

On my side of the family we only give the nieces and nephews presents for their birthdays and not for Christmas. On my husband's side of the family we only give at Christmas and not birthdays. I just followed what other people wanted to do and that was the consensus - and it just happened it was different on both sides.

mildred1978

Toto wrote: »

It's not like they completely ignore you all year is it?

They do, yes.

Torry_Quine

I think it's very much up to the giver when or indeed if they give cards, gifts etc. Your child is young at the moment but I suspect when older you will not find it so easy to completely ignore Christmas.

sennypijama

What does your 14 month old child think about the fact that he was not given a card when he was born, or on his first birthday?