Which way around should it be?

jackieb

If it were me, i'd just leave things as they are. It's not worth the ill-feeling. They do sound a bit odd. I'd just accept the card and carry on putting it in the recycling and that way there's no hurt feelings. Just accept that they do things differently and try not to take it to heart. Are they the same with other family members?

coolcait

mildred1978 wrote: »

Oh, we don't expect anything, ever. The whole family is a bit odd.

I just find it odd that having accepted an invitation to a gathering for a birthday, they wouldn't even bring a card, but then they'd send a card they know won't be appreciated at another point in the year.

Why wouldn't you appreciate someone thinking of you - at whatever point in the year? Even if it's not the point in the year that fits your own preference.

Lotus-eater

You can't not celebrate Christmas! I don't believe in god, but as god has very little to do with Christmas these days, that's not much of a problem.
You have a tree, (ancient pagan symbol) you have presents and a meal (good excuse to get the family round and enjoy yourselves).
It doesn't have to be any more than that.

I think you're making a storm in a T-cup, if one of my family comes round, it's nice they come round (most of the time), not if they give presents or cards. Doesn't matter if it's a birthday or not.
You accept what are given, if you want to send cards at whatever time then great, if they want to do the same, then that's their way of doing things. I think you're a bit mean to throw Christmas cards in the bin, when they've probably been sent with good intentions.

wannabehermit

I would have to sit on the fence for this one. It's a bit of both really I think, you should both take each others wishes into consideration. I don't think you're ever going to change them sending Christmas cards so I think you just need to accept it. If they were younger, e.g. it was your SIL then I would say to her that birthdays are more important to you than Christmas so you'd rather receive gifts then, but none at Christmas but I expect at their age they're unlikely to change.

Out of interest why don't you celebrate Christmas? I think Christmas on the whole lost it's religious meaning a long time ago. I'm certainly not religious in any way, don't believe in any of it, would never get my children christened and got married in a registry office as there's no way I'd want to do all the religious stuff that you'd have to do in a church, but that doesn't stop us celebrating Christmas, it's fun! Also what are you going to do when your ds is older? All the other children at school will be looking forward to getting a visit from Father Christmas and will still be talking about it in January. How are you going to explain to him that you don't 'do' Christmas because of the religious aspect.

And one last thing . The throwing away of cards - I'm sorry but that's not really a good lesson to teach your son. If you don't want to send cards, that's fine, but what about when he receives them from his school friends? Are they going to go straight into the recycling bin as well? He needs to be taught to appreciate things that he is given whether he wants them or not, after all its the thought that counts and all that. A 5 year old going to school will not keep ay secrets, he'll go in and announce to the whole class that mummy threw his cards in the recycling and that won't go down well when they all then go home and tell their mums this news.

I'll get off my high horse now but just wanted to ask those questions as I don't think it's going to be as easy as it has been now that you have a child. I think it would be easier to understand if you followed a different religion but not celebrating Christmas because you don't believe in Jesus is a bit hartder to understand. I see Christmas as a cultural thing rather than a religious celebration if that makes sense.

jellyhead

There are Jehovahs Witness kids at my son's primary and they don't celebrate christmas. They don't celebrate birthdays either, so from the age of 4 they explain to schoolfriends that the child will have to decline party invites - so it is doable. They don't get involved in the christmas play but I think they go to the end of term party, I'm not sure. Would you keep your 4 year old at home on the days of the plays, rehearsals, parties, panto etc? What if your child decides at age 3 when they are told at nursery about santa that they want christmas to happen to them?

I can understand not getting married in a church (I've had that discussion with my husband's grandparents!) and not christening the children, but christmas is more of a cultural thing than a religious thing nowadays, and many non-christians celebrate it without going anywhere near a church.

I didn't think I would 'do' christmas, but at 3 my son found out about it at nursery and it just sort of 'happened' from then on. We don't do anything religious (but schools do!) but we have the tree, decorations and santa. All of my friends who refused to have anything to do with christmas, grudgingly looked for greetings cards that did not mention christmas to send to those who sent them cards, and refused to go to their parents for christmas dinner out of principle all changed their tune when their kids were 3, despite saying they never would when I did it (I was the first to have children).

chrissie57

I guess most people know that Christmas is simply a Christian overlay to an age-old festival; in a way, it has reverted to what it always was, a bright spot in the longest, darkest days of the year with hard times still ahead but hope (Spring) ahead of us.

OP strikes me as a 'Richard Dawkins' atheist - it has become their religion and to be frank they are as frightening to me as any other fundamentalist

I have been an atheist since a child purely because religion did not (and still does not) make a lot of sense to me but many of my friends get a lot of comfort in an uncertain world from their religion and who am I to criticise that - and after all, they might be right and me wrong.:D

CH27

mildred1978 wrote: »

Oh, we don't expect anything, ever. The whole family is a bit odd.

I just find it odd that having accepted an invitation to a gathering for a birthday, they wouldn't even bring a card, but then they'd send a card they know won't be appreciated at another point in the year.

Their views are as valid as yours.
If you expect them appreciate/tolerate your oddness then you should appreciate/tolerate theirs.

Sambucus_Nigra

chrissie57 wrote: »

I guess most people know that Christmas is simply a Christian overlay to an age-old festival; in a way, it has reverted to what it always was, a bright spot in the longest, darkest days of the year with hard times still ahead but hope (Spring) ahead of us.

OP strikes me as a 'Richard Dawkins' atheist - it has become their religion and to be frank they are as frightening to me as any other fundamentalist

I have been an atheist since a child purely because religion did not (and still does not) make a lot of sense to me but many of my friends get a lot of comfort in an uncertain world from their religion and who am I to criticise that - and after all, they might be right and me wrong.:D

This. I don't celebrate Christmas. But kids like to fit in and thus it becomes part of an adult's life.

OP - have you ever actually asked them why they never buy presents or cards for their grandchildren's birthdays yet get them cards for Christmas? Just so as you know.

mildred1978

Lotus-eater wrote: »

You can't not celebrate Christmas!

Of course we can!!

Would you tell a Jehovah's Witness they must celebrate birthdays?? Where's the difference?!

Lotus-eater

mildred1978 wrote: »

Of course we can!!

Would you tell a Jehovah's Witness they must celebrate birthdays?? Where's the difference?!

A Jehovahs witness has probably got more of a sense of humour (and yes I know some)