Which way around should it be?

claire16c

I feel sorry for your son that he wont get the stocking and presents from 'Santa' that everyone else at his future school will get. Could make conversations rather uncomfortable for him when he goes back to school in Jan. Couldnt you just do something small for him? It seems a shame he will miss out on things like that, because of something that happened to you years ago, not him. Thats hardly his fault.

Im not religious in the slightest and neither is my family but we still have 'Christmas'. Do the cards, pressies, meal, tree etc. Theres not exactly much else doing on in the dark days of December, its nice to cheer it up a bit!

I do find it very weird that the grandparents didnt send a present or card when he was born, or for his birthday. But I find that no more strange than you withholding the fun of Xmas for your son.

mildred1978

claire16c wrote: »

I feel sorry for your son that he wont get the stocking and presents from 'Santa' that everyone else at his future school will get. Could make conversations rather uncomfortable for him when he goes back to school in Jan. Couldnt you just do something small for him? It seems a shame he will miss out on things like that, because of something that happened to you years ago, not him. Thats hardly his fault.

Im not religious in the slightest and neither is my family but we still have 'Christmas'. Do the cards, pressies, meal, tree etc. Theres not exactly much else doing on in the dark days of December, its nice to cheer it up a bit!

I do find it very weird that the grandparents didnt send a present or card when he was born, or for his birthday. But I find that no more strange than you withholding the fun of Xmas for your son.

I may give in in time and do something small. But I WILL NOT be lying to him about Santa. That is an absolute. I'll teach him that others believe, and that's fine, but we don't.

There is nothing magical about lying.

suekjw

As long as you also make sure he grows up to understand not to ruin it for those children around him when they are celebrating!

mildred1978

suekjw wrote: »

As long as you also make sure he grows up to understand not to ruin it for those children around him when they are celebrating!

He'll be brought up to respect other people's beliefs, as I've already stated.

I do have friends that have taken the same approach. Their children are now 7 and 8 and the world hasn't ended.

suekjw

Maybe not, but I bet they'll have issues when they are older.

*Louise*

I'm not sure I see where the problem is. You don't celebrate Christmas, so don't send a card. lots of people don't send cards at Christmas. Just send them a birthday card when the time comes round. I understand the resentment that they didn't bother, but just rise above it and carry on how you normally would.

**Patty**

suekjw wrote: »

Maybe not, but I bet they'll have issues when they are older.

Can i ask why?

I'm not trying to be obtuse but it does seem that, as parents, we buy into the school of thought that unless we do X Y and Z in that particular order then all hell will break loose?

Whatever happened to giving a child the information & allowing them the freedom to choose for themselves? They are not things to be wrapped in cotton wool & whilst i agree, there are certain things they should be shielded from......the world isn't a very nice place at times & i do think that by not allowing them to discover that....in some ways, we are failing them.

I have children......i don't breed sheep

mildred1978

suekjw wrote: »

Maybe not, but I bet they'll have issues when they are older.

Why? Because they went on a safari rather than buy nintendos?

balletshoes

mildred1978 wrote: »

Had a discussion with a friend earlier, and inteigued to know what a wider audience think.

My husband's grandparents never bothered to get our son a card when he was born. We had a meal for his 1st birthday which they came to but didn't bring a present or a card. DH and I are atheists and so don't really celebrate Christmas. We make a fuss over birthdays instead.

DH's grandparents are religious and will probably send a card (at least) for Christmas.


Now, herein lies the debate. Should the grandparent's bow to our way of doing things, or should we bow down to the grandparents? Our usual response to Christmas cards is to chuck them straight in the recycling. Their usual treatment of birthdays seems to be to ignore them. Should the giver or the receiver's wishes take priority?

If you know they celebrate Christmas and you don't, and they know you celebrate birthdays and they don't, you should, in an ideal world, respect each other's thoughts on the subject and send cards to them (and they to you) etc on the event you each celebrate most ie my family celebrate Christmas and birthdays, my OH's family don't, but they celebrate Eid. I send Christmas and birthday wishes to my family, and Eid wishes to OH's family.

With family members of the same generation as me, I'd probably not bother sending them wishes if they regularly didn't reciprocate, but with older relatives its just easier, and really doesn't put me out, to send them wishes on their celebration, without really expecting anything back. Yes, I probably am making excuses for them, but they are much older and more prone to take offence at these little things than I am :rotfl:(unless its immediate family I really couldn't give a monkeys if they forgot what we celebrate and didn't send a card).

balletshoes

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I think it's very much up to the giver when or indeed if they give cards, gifts etc.
Your child is young at the moment but I suspect when older you will not find it so easy to completely ignore Christmas.

I don't necessarily agree with that - my DD's 2 best friends when she was 6 were both from practising Muslim families and niether of them celebrated Christmas. Its not a big deal unless you choose to make it a big deal (which I personally do - love love love Christmas :)).