Which way around should it be?

silvercar

If you reject the christams card/ gift, you are rejecting the only contact between your son and his great-grandparents. Is that what you really want? Is that fair on your son? When he is older and they are no longer alive, will you explain to your son that he had great grandparents, but that you refused to connect with then unless they did so on your terms? They won't be around for ever, make the most of the opportunity and encourage contact. My eldest's last great grandparent died when he was 10, he stills remembers her fondly. Whatever your religious beliefs, family is important.

mildred1978

silvercar wrote: »

If you reject the christams card/ gift, you are rejecting the only contact between your son and his great-grandparents. Is that what you really want? Is that fair on your son? When he is older and they are no longer alive, will you explain to your son that he had great grandparents, but that you refused to connect with then unless they did so on your terms? They won't be around for ever, make the most of the opportunity and encourage contact. My eldest's last great grandparent died when he was 10, he stills remembers her fondly. Whatever your religious beliefs, family is important.

That's what I find odd. My husband had a close relationship with all of his grandparents and great grandparents growing up. We drove 350 miles to tell them we were expecting and they didn't even react. When my SIL told them they were expecting a girl, and what her name was going to be they said "we've already got one of those"! I could almost understand if it was just my son being left out as we live far away, but they ignore my niece who lives 4 miles away too! Other great grandchildren get taken out for day trips, visits etc.

So as far as I'm concerned it's them who are not forming a relationship with him, and they are the ones that will lose out. My husband is very upset about it (but doesn't show it).

mumps

I had a friend at school (many years ago) who was a Jehovah's Witness. She always seemed sad about not being able to celebrate Christmas and birthdays. Her father was stricter than her mother about it all so I think that caused some problems, secret presents and treats. All came to a head when she needed a blood transfusion and her mother told her father where to go. She had the blood transfusion and seemed even sadder and more confused about it all. I work with a Jehovah's Witness now who married someone of a different faith. They now have a baby but I don't know how they will deal with the religious issue.

I am Catholic but I and my children have always lived around people from lots of faiths and none. Over the years we have been to parties for Eid, Hanukkah, Diwali and Solstice. I don't see it as a problem that people do things differently to me, it is all positive if you accept differences and enjoy them from my point of view.

I find fundamentalists of any variety a bit scary to be honest. I am feeling a bit slow and can't really work out why but maybe it is that certainty.

mumps

mildred1978 wrote: »

That's what I find odd. My husband had a close relationship with all of his grandparents and great grandparents growing up. We drove 350 miles to tell them we were expecting and they didn't even react. When my SIL told them they were expecting a girl, and what her name was going to be they said "we've already got one of those"! I could almost understand if it was just my son being left out as we live far away, but they ignore my niece who lives 4 miles away too! Other great grandchildren get taken out for day trips, visits etc.

So as far as I'm concerned it's them who are not forming a relationship with him, and they are the ones that will lose out. My husband is very upset about it (but doesn't show it).

That is sad for your husband and son. I wonder why the difference?

JC9297

Regarding taking part in Christmas celebrations, I know many families of non-Christian faiths who take part e.g. school productions, parties, card/present giving etc without it diminishing /compromising their own beliefs. The only children I know who have not been allowed to are the children of Jehovah's Witnesses.

milliebear00001

They send you a Christmas card, so they think of you at times that matter to them. I wouldn't worry that they don't send a birthday card - I don't set much store on birthdays either, although I try to remember to send a card to others! I love Christmas though (and am something of an admirer of RD!)

You are entitled not to celebrate Christmas, but as you expect a card for son's birthday, I expect you send the grandparents a Christmas card don't you? To me these scenarios are exactly the same!

In terms of the future, your son will celebrate Christmas whether you like it or not, as every school will involve him in their own celebrations and festivals. I am guessing that will not be a problem, but being the only child in school with no presents and no tree might be!

Tish_P

Unless he's at a very small and rural school there will be other kids with no presents and no tree, be they Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or whatever.
It does sound like the grandparents are a bit of a pain, but the birthdays/Christmas issue is not the cause of it. It's just that when someone is getting on your wick for other reasons, small things become really irksome!

Make-it-3

This is obviously more about how you perceive they treat your child as opposed to how they treat their other great grandchildren.

There has obviously been issues in the past re religion, as you have mentioned their opposition to your choosing a non-church wedding. I think it pays to remember that things were very different in their day and even if you weren't particularly religious, church weddings, christenings, Christmas etc were traditional ways of marking the path thru life.

I suspect they are making their point about your stubborn refusal to participate by ignoring occasions that are important to you.

Why not give a little, your son will inevitably ask about Christmas as he grows as it is still the no.1 festival celebrated in this country. At this age he's not going to know if you throw away a card, but as he gets older it would be churlish to do so.

milliebear00001

Tish_P wrote: »

Unless he's at a very small and rural school there will be other kids with no presents and no tree, be they Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or whatever.
It does sound like the grandparents are a bit of a pain, but the birthdays/Christmas issue is not the cause of it. It's just that when someone is getting on your wick for other reasons, small things become really irksome!

I teach in a large community school, and most of the children from other faiths still mark Christmas. Several have little trees and many receive a present or presents. They also take part in the school's celebrations. Christmas is clearly about much more than faith to many people.

I would suspect the few children at the OP's son's school who do not mark Christmas in any way at home, probably won't make the child OK with his parents' choices, but you never know!

mildred1978

milliebear00001 wrote: »

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I would suspect the few children at the OP's son's school who do not mark Christmas in any way at home, probably won't make the child OK with his parents' choices, but you never know!

?????

my son is only 14 months old and not anywhere close to going to school!