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Partner hit me...

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  • DUTR wrote: »
    I'm not making excuses for the guy, as none of us were there then we don't know the circumstances that led up to the event. Some couples get jealous and make up for it when they tuck into bed ;)

    You mean, after domestic violence, a good bout of lovemaking makes it allright.

    Wowsers.
    If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.
  • barbiedoll
    barbiedoll Posts: 5,328 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Whether or not he is insecure is irrelevant. So he may have been "betrayed" in the past, well, who hasn't been dumped? So he may have been jealous and OP may have been "flirting", so what? So, she doesn't come home to a "beating every night", does that make it ok? Of course not, his behaviour is inexcusable. And let's not forget, he didn't just hit her, he also trashed her belongings.

    This type of behaviour creeps up on victims, it's not stuff that happens every day. But it will affect every day of OP's life if she stays with him. She will begin to dread every night out, every party, every social event that involves drinking and socialising with others. And by staying with him, she is giving him permission to behave in this way. He may not hit her if he thinks she has "flirted" but he may cut up her clothes, or break her new phone. He will get huffy if she goes out alone and he will start to badmouth her friends. She will find her confidence seeping away and she will end up walking on eggshells, hoping that today won't be a bad day. It won't get better, it hardly ever does.

    Unless he makes an appointment to see a counsellor on Monday and he agrees to give up drinking, she should leave and not look back. It doesn't mean that she will be alone for the rest of her life, all it means is that she will be alone now, and that she will be safe. And that's all that matters.
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    You mean, after domestic violence, a good bout of lovemaking makes it allright.

    Wowsers.

    No! I mean after a night out, some people get jealous and their love making somehow is where they make it up, don't know why you keep adding in the DV bit, not every bloke is violent just as not every woman is perfect.
    Not even sure why you are attacking me, if the OP leaves or stays, it is up to her and it seems many of you would disown her if she decides to give it another try.
  • make_me_wise
    make_me_wise Posts: 1,509 Forumite
    hazeyjewel wrote: »
    I know the answer to this really, but need to talk to someone, so am posting on here:o:o
    Basically my partner has now hit/slapped me about 4 times in just over a year:(:(
    Each time is when we have been out for a drink, and he hates me drinking and as he puts it "showing off" which basically means when I talk to anyone and have a laugh:(
    Last week he slapped me really hard in the face, when we came in, and I was going upstairs with my handbag, and he snatched it off me and stamped on it breaking my mobile phone, and a lot of make up:(
    He apologised and bought me a new phone the day after, but I know this doesn't make it right:(
    I'm worried that he could do me some serious harm, as he is a massive bloke, but usually a gentle giant:(
    We have talked and he has said he needs help with his anger, but i'm not sure what to do.I love him to bits and 99.9% of the time he is fine but .....:(:(

    I haven't read the other replies. You do realise that this situation is only going to go one way. The violence and abuse will escalate to levels most people cant comprehend. He has already done this 4 times to you. By still being with him you are telling him that no matter what he does you will tolerate it and cope.

    This evil !!!!!!! needs reporting to the police and to be charged. He is not a gentle giant hun, he is an abusive manipulator who finds it all a game to lull you into a false sense of security and then turn the tables on you when it suits him. Dont end up a statistic, get away whilst you still can.
  • djdido2
    djdido2 Posts: 3,446 Forumite
    hazeyjewel wrote: »
    I know the answer to this really, but need to talk to someone, so am posting on here:o:o
    Basically my partner has now hit/slapped me about 4 times in just over a year:(:(
    Each time is when we have been out for a drink, and he hates me drinking and as he puts it "showing off" which basically means when I talk to anyone and have a laugh:(
    Last week he slapped me really hard in the face, when we came in, and I was going upstairs with my handbag, and he snatched it off me and stamped on it breaking my mobile phone, and a lot of make up:(
    He apologised and bought me a new phone the day after, but I know this doesn't make it right:(
    I'm worried that he could do me some serious harm, as he is a massive bloke, but usually a gentle giant:(
    We have talked and he has said he needs help with his anger, but i'm not sure what to do.I love him to bits and 99.9% of the time he is fine but .....:(:(

    How many times does it have to happen before enough is enough???? People like this rarely change and it WILL get worse!!!
    You know the answer. Go and have fun and a laugh without a BULLY stopping you.
    I'm not a "SINGLE" mum, I'm a "DOUBLE" mum!:D
  • purple.sarah
    purple.sarah Posts: 2,517 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    You mean, after domestic violence, a good bout of lovemaking makes it allright.

    Wowsers.

    That poster is obviously just trying to get a reaction, hence their mention of "RM", which I'm guessing refers to Raoul Moat, who shot several people including his ex girlfriend. Don't let them get to you.
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    That poster is obviously just trying to get a reaction, hence their mention of "RM", which I'm guessing refers to Raoul Moat, who shot several people including his ex girlfriend. Don't let them get to you.

    Which poster, you mean me?
    you missed post #55 where I typed "Not even sure why you are attacking me, if the OP leaves or stays, it is up to her and it seems many of you would disown her if she decides to give it another try."
    I have suggested she give it one more try, if she chooses not to, then I will not hold that against her, likewise if she decides to leave like yesterday, I will not hold that against her either :beer:
  • purple.sarah
    purple.sarah Posts: 2,517 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    He has hit you 4 times in just over a year and blames your behaviour, saying you're showing off. He is not going to stop, he's had 4 chances to stop himself. It's normal to hope an abusive partner will change but that's very unlikely to happen. I know that you love him but please put your own safety first because he is not doing that.
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    He has hit you 4 times in just over a year and blames your behaviour, saying you're showing off. He is not going to stop, he's had 4 chances to stop himself. It's normal to hope an abusive partner will change but that's very unlikely to happen. I know that you love him but please put your own safety first because he is not doing that.

    Why are you over reacting? Why do you not have any words of wisdom for the OP in this thread? https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3551237

    She did leave her partner(s) and admits it's not all rosy afterwards :o
  • Marker_2
    Marker_2 Posts: 3,260 Forumite
    He has hit you 4 times in just over a year and blames your behaviour, saying you're showing off. He is not going to stop, he's had 4 chances to stop himself. It's normal to hope an abusive partner will change but that's very unlikely to happen. I know that you love him but please put your own safety first because he is not doing that.


    Actually that is a load of old tosh ...

    ... there are many men who have been violent towards partners for a period of time and then never done it again. It is something the individual has to work out for themselves, with or without the support of their OH like the OP.

    Spotlight back on OP. I really do not feel you should let this carry on as it is, you need outside help, but your OH needs to want to get help. Much like an alcholic or gambler. You can either choose to go which you are well within your right to do so, or you can stay with him and try and help him sort his problem out, as it is his problem and not yours.

    Whichever decision you choose to make is not right or wrong. The only wrong decision would be to stay with him without outside help and letting things continue and escalate.

    All the best, not a nice predicament to be in, hope it works out for you whichever route you take.
    99.9% of my posts include sarcasm!
    Touch my bum :money:
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