Don't really like myself at all

redlight_2

New account, too embarrassed to post on my usual one.

Don't feel at peace with myself, who I am.

As I'm getting older I've started looking back and thinking I should have tried harder in relationships. But also got me thinking that maybe I tried too hard, can't decide. I always walked away.

My first real love at 17, & s£x relationship, he regularly told me his ex was better in bed than me, he cheated on me with his ex, I was heartbroken and walked away. Too sensitive maybe?

Seem to have always ended up with controlling men from that point, and have gone out with them because they liked me and did all the running. They saw me as a strong and confident woman, I'm not, and after each relationship my confidence with men dipped, to the point I'm at now where the thought of meeting a man, & having a s£xual relationship horrifies me - but I'm ok, cos I never meet anyone.

Safe in my own little world. Is there any need to make the effort and risk anything again

BitterAndTwisted

I suspect that you're being too hard on yourself. Crikey, who is a complete sex-kitten at 17 years of age?

If you feel that you've not learned anything from your past relationships and don't feel that you can move on perhaps some relationship counselling might be of help to you? It might help you to focus on exactly why you've ended up with controlling men, and what you could do to avoid repeating the same mistakes?

DUTR

Not sure why you would want to create a new screen name to say that, there is a lot of focus on the word control, if you have upped and left then it is not them doing the controlling.
The harsh reality is that someone will love you for who you are just as much as you will love them for who they are, not every bloke is 6ft 6 with no fat, and not every woman is a size 10, loneliness is a big killer.

pink_princess

What do you not like about yourself? Be very honest & specific.

We can change but only if we accept where we need to change.

redlight_2

Don't you need to be in a relationship to have relationship counselling? Had some form of counselling through the docs to try to work some of this out, but she just wanted me to fill in charts about little things that had happened that had made me happy and stuff. I stopped going after a bit, it didn't seem to be helping.

A new screen name, because I'm embarrassed, and sometimes angry, that I let myself be manipulated. The controlling, ah, yes, it was me that walked away, but after months and sometimes years of indifference and eventual neglect from them all, occasional bit of violence here and there - but what's troubling me is, did I act hastily.

What I don't like about me? I've always been 'too heavy', my hair hasn't been the right colour, I've been too quiet, too loud, don't dress right, don't interact with people in the right way.

redlight_2

And the 2nd one - we got engaged and bought a house together, all my friends were doing it at the time, seemed the thing to do and he kept on about it, very pushy. He stayed out every night drinking with his mates, had affairs (well, when we'd split up he said he had), borrowed money we didn't have, crashed every car we had, punched me in the face once. Just the once.

I remember when it came to me meeting his friends he looked me up and down in distaste and would say, not tonight. He was ashamed of me.

I walked away.

Sambucus_Nigra

Good for you - he sounds like a knob.

DUTR

redlight wrote: »

Don't you need to be in a relationship to have relationship counselling? Had some form of counselling through the docs to try to work some of this out, but she just wanted me to fill in charts about little things that had happened that had made me happy and stuff. I stopped going after a bit, it didn't seem to be helping.

A new screen name, because I'm embarrassed, and sometimes angry, that I let myself be manipulated. The controlling, ah, yes, it was me that walked away, but after months and sometimes years of indifference and eventual neglect from them all, occasional bit of violence here and there - but what's troubling me is, did I act hastily.

What I don't like about me? I've always been 'too heavy', my hair hasn't been the right colour, I've been too quiet, too loud, don't dress right, don't interact with people in the right way.

I remember reading a book called 'are you the one for me' although aimed at females, I found it useful and perhaps the Dr was trying methods similar to the book. Too Heavy? You have control of that, hair colour ? you have the majority control of that, too quiet? That is your perogative, too loud? somebody else's opinion, don't interact inthe right way? That is subjective, seems there is little to worry about, there are many on here having a lonely saturday night in.
You will meet somebody new (if that is what you want) when you most least expect it :cool:

pink_princess

redlight wrote: »

What I don't like about me? I've always been 'too heavy', my hair hasn't been the right colour, I've been too quiet, too loud, don't dress right, don't interact with people in the right way.

So how do you fix this?
Confidence & demanding to be treated well come from within us. The sooner we like ourselves the sooner others realise they must respect us.
You can change the path your life is on.:)

djdido2

You are judging yourself very harshly because you have met some rubbish men. Are you questioning if there is something about you that attracts these men??? Sounds like you just need some self esteem. I too have met complete t0ssers and am now happily single and cannot be bothered to put in the effort.

System

You don't say how old you are now, and you don't have to lol, but I wouldn't say 'give up and settle for being alone' if you don't enjoy it, equally don't fling yourself into just 'any' relationship just to NOT be alone.

I don't know that anyone is happy with themself entirely, I'm not...too overweight, getting older, greyer, a string of 'failed' relationships( but they weren't because all of them had some value and a fair quantity of love and happy times) ....BUT I have my good points! Make a list of yours, written down if you like...all the things about you that are great ( kindness, compassion, sense of humour, neat ears lol). Then go and do things you want to do, if you meet someone in the course of those then take it slowly but give it a chance...if you don't then at least you've been enjoying yourself