Don't really like myself at all

McKneff

Its the men in your life who have the problem, they have offloaded them onto you.

Shrug them off your shoulders, one at a time, lift your chin up and tell yourself youre well rid of the to££ers.

As a human being, you deserve respect and you gonna get it girl, from this moment on.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself that. Every day.

Get your glad rags on and start living for you.
Good luck

redlight_2

The 2nd is the one I fret the most about. Maybe I should have worked at it.

The 3rd one - been going out with him for 6 months, he was evicted from his house - 'if you love me you'll buy a house with me' - and being 23, wanting things to work out, I did. We got the house, he wouldn't work, just spent every penny he could get hold of on booze, would do nothing in the house. In a panic I ended up with 4 jobs just to be able to pay the bills and put food on the table. I'd come home at 10.30pm after being out from 8.00am and he'd want his dinner, the rubbish needed to go out, the washing needed doing, housework, dogs feeding etc.

He would say 'if you ask me to do it, I won't do it, if you leave me to do it in my own time, I will' - either way, he did nothing.

then I fell pregnant, he asked me how quickly I could go back to work after having it. Then he started physically throwing me around when he came back from the pub and punching walls and doors, really scaring me.

I was terrified of him, walked away, and because I was terrified that I would have to see him regularly because of the baby, rightly or wrongly, I had an abortion.

redlight_2

Inbetween listing the 2nd and the 3rd, some of you posted, I cried when I read your posts.

I just can't see that I have any good points. On the surface I seem confident, underneath I'm just rubbish at everything I do, and now and then, like now, that all creeps out and bites me.

A couple of fortune tellers have told me I'll live till I;m 83.... the thought of all those years stretching before me with all this in my head....just existing....

Lotus-eater

You have to kiss alot of knobs to get a prince. I think that's how it goes.

System

I think in life generally you have to learn not to give yourself too much of a hard time over what has passed, we can all say 'if I'd done this or that, things might have worked', but that's not how life is...you do your best at the particular time.

All you can do is try to learn from what has happened, in terms of what you want (and don't want) for the future.

Just adding because you've posted in between One of your good points is from what you've written above...You're a hard worker, you TRY hard in relationships ( if you didn't you wouldn't be thinking you could have tried harder!). You wanted any baby you had to be born into a good relationship, for both of you

meritaten

OP - you say you attract men who see you as a confident woman - then it all turns sour.
Why is that? is it because underneath you aren't confident?
are you projecting a false image of yourself? are you attracted to men who like confident women - but when you reveal your REAL self they reject you?

Sounds to me like you need to be YOURSELF - then see who you attract! there are lots of knights in shining armour out there - they are NOT attracted to strong confident women!

Dont be afraid of your true self - if you are really a shy retiring person then the confident image is fine for work etc - but, for a soulmate??????????????
the problem is - is that you appear to be something you are not.
be yourself!

marywooyeah

OP I really feel for you, but what struck me is you don't sound like you shouldnt like yourself. You left someone who cheated on you and mocked you about it - thats strong hun! you showed him it wasn't ok to treat you like that and you weren't putting up with it. I don't think you were too sensitive at all - quite the opposite!

I know what you mean about the love of your life. I thought my ex was the love of my life, we ended up being violent to each other, he spoke to me like c**p most of the time and used to hang up on me a lot or tell me leave in the middle of the night, knowing I had nowhere to go and no family around. He bullied me into having an abortion against everything I wanted and believed in, then laughed in my face and told me to leave 2 days later. I was truly heartbroken and became suicidal. he eventually dumped me for good, and when he asked me back I told him see how you like being treated how you treat me and hung up on him, never looked back. No one knew about my abortion and saw me as a strong woman who got out of an abusive relationship, but inside I was an emotional wreck and I've never gotten over it.

I understand how you say that people see you that way but you feel you are not strong, but you have demostrated such strength by breaking out of those relationships. You probably go for controlling men because for a while they make you feel safe, until they start showing their true colours.

I've always been "heavy" too so sympathise. I think the best thing you can too for now is have a look at hairstyles/colours you think you might like, review what you eat/exercise - have you tried weightwatchers or slimming world? You clearly are a nice person as you show so much concern, but it seems to me you did nothing wrong and you were treated badly. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? I found it very helpful, helped me put things in perspective.

sorry for the massive post, and have a massive hug xxx

Sambucus_Nigra

Lotus-eater wrote: »

You have to kiss alot of knobs to get a prince. I think that's how it goes.

Sorta. But that's the gist.

meritaten

I think you should just be yourself hun. be on your own for a while and learn to RESPECT yourself and be comfortable with yourself. know yourself, be yourself and realise you deserve the best.

Deep_In_Debt

djdido2 wrote: »

You are judging yourself very harshly because you have met some rubbish men. Are you questioning if there is something about you that attracts these men??? Sounds like you just need some self esteem. I too have met complete t0ssers and am now happily single and cannot be bothered to put in the effort.

Hear, hear.

It's great being single...I've been with a fair share of complete knobs and I can't be ars*d any more.

There's more to life than all that.