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Partner hit me...

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  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    DUTR wrote: »
    Of course that is best, and chances are that is the way things will be (eg not killed).
    Personally I don't think it will carry on and get worse, the OP should give the final chance 1st, yes it is easy for keyboard warriors to suggest pack your bags and go, it's not as if the OP is coming home to a beating everynight , likewise she could leave and meet somebody even worse, you all know it is not much fun being single and none of you are mentioning the cons , as the OP has already considered some, there is rarely a text book relationship.

    I'm not a keyboard warrior when it comes to domestic violence, as I have both prosecuted and defended a number of cases in both Magistrates' and Crown Courts.

    Love is an action, not a word or a feeling, to my mind. He's hit her 4 times, not once.

    I agree it's possible to do something once (like hit someone) and be so horrified by one's own actions that it never, ever, happens again.

    This isn't that type of case. He's already hit her 4 times. A pound to a penny, it'll end up in broken bones in the next 6 months.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    DUTR wrote: »
    I agree with some of your points, cuckolding is also a sort of control, and some people enjoy the feeling of being jealous and some don't , it depends how we are analysing what having fun is? Perhaps the OP is a flirt (nothing wrong with that) , we don't know the full ins and outs. I do know though that not every case of DV ends up being or near fatal.

    As far as I'm concerned, being hit is all we need to know. It's a black and white issue for me.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    sophieschoice wrote: »
    The first time you suffer domestic violence you're a victim.
    After that you're a volunteer.

    An old, wise and very true saying.

    What she said.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • Valli
    Valli Posts: 25,464 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    That's exactly how my first husband was- couldn't cope with me even TALKING to anyone.

    He was a vicious little !!!!!!!, really and I don't know why I put up with his !!!! for so long.

    Chuck him out.
    Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY
    "I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily Dickinson
    :heart:Janice 1964-2016:heart:

    Thank you Honey Bear
  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    Lotus-eater wrote: »
    Are there? Where are these blokes?

    Permanent guests of Her Majesty?
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    dark_lady wrote: »
    Reading DUTRs responses on this thread has made me wonder how he treated his ex wives/girlfriends. Chilling!

    What do you expect me to type, that I am more innocent than the angels?
    Well for the record, no I am not, but not here to impress you all :p
    The OP could leave the OP could stay, as said I'm sure there are many women who have had a slap and stayed with their partners and lived happily ever after :)
  • anguk
    anguk Posts: 3,412 Forumite
    It doesn't matter if this guy has issues
    It doesn't matter if he has anger management problems
    It doesn't matter if they'd been drinking
    It doesn't matter if he's jealous
    It doesn't matter if she was flirty
    It doesn't matter if the guy feels insecure
    It doesn't matter if he's remorseful afterwards
    It doesn't matter if it means the OP is single again

    What matters is he has hit her 4 times, not once and then never laid a hand on her again but 4 times
    What matters is the OP shouldn't have to wait for the next time he's angry/jealous/insecure
    What matters is the OP needs to be safe, better to be safe and have peace of mind than be in a relationship of fear.
    Dum Spiro Spero
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »
    I'm sure the OP will indeed make their own mind up; although how having an opinion means nobody cares about the OP only your very warped sense of logic can tell.


    This is all very strange, I've never met anyone who actually advocates Domestic Violence before, and encourages people to just stay for one last bash. So to speak.

    Nobody is advocating DV, leaving is one solution, but it is not the only solution or is that line of thought too warped for you?
  • sennypijama
    sennypijama Posts: 124 Forumite
    The most worrying aspect is that his attacks are pre-meditated.

    He's not hitting you in the pub when he thinks you are doing this showing off. He's waiting until he is alone with you, and he has greater power over you and no witnesses, and then he is hitting you.

    He is planning it - thinking about when he will do it. He knows it is wrong, which is why he is not doing it in public. Yet he still does it.

    Does that not worry you in the slightest?
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Lotus-eater wrote: »
    Her Mum, anyone but her OH would be a good start.

    Pretty sure you were arguing that.

    She cannot stop with her Mum as her Mum does not have long left :o
    Quote "Benefit help needed
    I recently had to give up my job to look after my Mum who is dying of breast cancer, there is nobody else to help as I am an only child
    I am claiming JSA, but have a mortgage and am receiving no help at all for this yet."


    The bit that is really confusing is the 'there is nobody else to help as I am an only child'

    Since another thread reads" Pregnant niece, my sister at breaking point:(
    My 19 year old Niece has come back home to my Sisters pregnant, after living away for over a year."

    I was always of the understanding that a niece or nephew is the child of a sibling :o
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