Partner hit me...

pearl123

Firstly, when you are with a voilent partner - the voilence excellates. It starts of with slaps until one day your fighting for you life. Four times in one year! You OP have a voilent partner and it won't go away but will get worse if you stay. I know what I'm talking about as I fell in love with a voilent partner who also apologise so profoudly the next day, but alway made it seem like it was my fault. I was very young and at the time the wool was pulled over my eyes. I stayed for 10 years.
If you stay it won't get better it will get wore. Go..... before you learn to accept the voilence as sometime that just happens. Go wilst you you still remember who your are.... because if you stay you will slowly loose your indentity as you'll be trying to please him all the time. Leave him before you are terried out of your wits.
Be sensible.... love really should not hurt. Love is kind. You know that.
Also at the moment he's hitting you whilst drunk. I had that with my ex-partner, but eventually it would happend when he was sober.
I suggest you buy yourself a dometic voilence book. I recommend Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" but any book like that will do. You'll realise there is no real cure for men who raise their hands to women.
I'm still quite tormented at times by being a victum of domestic abuse - even though I'm out of it by 15 years. I can't say it enought.....go early whilst you are still - you and sane, ALIVE, without facial scars and mental scars!

Sambucus_Nigra

DUTR wrote: »

Who is going to invite her round at xmas when she leaves?

Is that all you are concerned about - who will have her at Christmas?

Honestly, that's the sort of thing that people who bash other people about say. Listen to yourself - that's appalling talk.

DUTR

purple.sarah wrote: »

There's no need to be so rude. You might know a few anecdotes about abusive men who've seen the error of their ways but as women's aid (who've had a bit more experience) say:
"It’s possible for abusive people to change their behaviour. However, it’s very difficult to change and so isn’t very common. If your partner has promised to change before and then has resumed his abusive behaviour it’s likely that this pattern will continue to repeat itself. Unfortunately what usually happens in an abusive relationship is that the abuse increases both in frequency and severity...
If your partner is still in any way blaming you for the abuse, then it’s clear that he hasn’t accepted full responsibility for what has happened, and while he’s still saying this, his behaviour is unlikely to change."
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1298#5

I wouldn't say Marker was being rude, just not looking at it from one side , as you mention from your source, some people (as it is not just men) see the errors and adjust, and you do not know if the OP is not with such a person.

DUTR

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Is that all you are concerned about - who will have her at Christmas?

Honestly, that's the sort of thing that people who bash other people about say. Listen to yourself - that's appalling talk.

Well it is you folk that are pretending you care about the Op's concerns, when it is becoming clear you do not at all, as long as she does what you all say then she will be accpeted by you, she has no right to having any feelings towards her current partner does she? She is not allowed to think for herself, whether it is whilst she is out with her pertner or if she posts on the internet, as long as she does as you all say....:p

Marker_2

pearl123 wrote: »

Firstly, when you are with a voilent partner - the voilence excellates. It starts of with slaps until one day your fighting for you life. Four times in one year! You OP have a voilent partner and it won't go away but will get worse if you stay. I know what I'm talking about as I fell in love with a voilent partner who also apologise so profoudly the next day, but alway made it seem like it was my fault. I was very young and at the time the wool was pulled over my eyes. I stayed for 10 years.
If you stay it won't get better it will get wore. Go..... before you learn to accept the voilence as sometime that just happens. Go wilst you you still remember who your are.... because if you stay you will slowly loose your indentity as you'll be trying to please him all the time. Leave him before you are terried out of your wits.
Be sensible.... love really should not hurt. Love is kind. You know that.
Also at the moment he's hitting you whilst drunk. I had that with my ex-partner, but eventually it would happend when he was sober.
I suggest you buy yourself a dometic voilence book. I recommend Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" but any book like that will do. You'll realise there is no real cure for men who raise their hands to women.
I'm still quite tormented at times by being a victum of domestic abuse - even though I'm out of it by 15 years. I can't say it enought.....go early whilst you are still - you and sane!

I sympathise with your situation, I really do, and I am very much against any form of domestic abuse. However you can't state that your life is how it will turn out for the OP or anyone else for that matter.

Every case is different, the individuals, circumstances etc is all different. The OP's OH may never lay a hand on her again, he may never use a closed fist on her. You just dont know.

the best we could do when replying on this thread is to give advice, or state personal examples, and then it is up to the OP on which route she will take.

Sambucus_Nigra

DUTR wrote: »

Well it is you folk that are pretending you care about the Op's concerns, when it is becoming clear you do not at all, as long as she does what you all say then she will be accpeted by you, she has no right to having any feelings towards her current partner does she? She is not allowed to think for herself, whether it is whilst she is out with her pertner or if she posts on the internet, as long as she does as you all say....:p

What are you on about?

System

I think it might be helpful to know if the OP has been with the partner for just the year?, if for example they had been together 5 years and this was a 'new' occurence then there might be some underlying cause for the partner's anger ( who knows...I don't...whether he has reason to be insecure? that doesn't in any way excuse his behavior of course).

DUTR

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

What are you on about?

You know exactly what I'm on about, if the op wanted to base her descision on a vote then she could have applied the vote option, it is clear from the responses that to leave would be the winning vote, thankfully the Op does not appear to be so rash with her choice and is seeking views before making a final choice, naturally you are bright enough to know not everybody's view will agree with your own and the majority is not always correct (ask Noah when he made the ark) .
The Op's partner may change with support, he may not, you or I or anybody else knows the final outcome, but not everybody agrees that the Op's partner is the next Ted Bundy.

Sambucus_Nigra

DUTR wrote: »

You know exactly what I'm on about, if the op wanted to base her descision on a vote then she could have applied the vote option, it is clear from the responses that to leave would be the winning vote, thankfully the Op does not appear to be so rash with her choice and is seeking views before making a final choice, naturally you are bright enough to know not everybody's view will agree with your own and the majority is not always correct (ask Noah when he made the ark) .
The Op's partner may change with support, he may not, you or I or anybody else knows the final outcome, but not everybody agrees that the Op's partner is the next Ted Bundy.

I'm sure the OP will indeed make their own mind up; although how having an opinion means nobody cares about the OP only your very warped sense of logic can tell.


This is all very strange, I've never met anyone who actually advocates Domestic Violence before, and encourages people to just stay for one last bash. So to speak.

dark_lady

Reading DUTRs responses on this thread has made me wonder how he treated his ex wives/girlfriends. Chilling!