Partner hit me...

Lotus-eater

VestanPance wrote: »

I think this is reading in to this too far. Control type personalities even in the male of the species more often than not do this through emotional methods. If he has control issues it would manifest in more than one area.

How do you know he doesn't? I'm guessing he does.

WastingMyTime

You know you need to leave. Recognising that you are being abused is an important step. Where you go from here is up to you. You may feel you need time to think about your situation. Or perhaps you have already made up your mind to leave. Whatever you decide, your safety is always the priority.

Call Refuge: 0808 2000 247 they will help you keep safe whilst living with your abuser and also provide support when you leave but still you think that you may still be in danger.

Good luck and seriously, keep safe.

thistledome

DUTR wrote: »

For the same reason, you think it will carry on, who is to say the resolve is around the OP never going out without her partner? I'm sure there are female readers on here that have been in a similar situation that have come to a positive resolve without having to run to a refuge.

OP said they were out together, so why are you assuming she went out alone or with friends?

This isn't about you and your Exes.

OP, you need to realise that your choices are either stay with him and accept being assaulted or separate from him. It's entirely normal for these types to apologise afterwards. It doesn't mean they've changed. He needs help for sure, but not at your expense.

VestanPance

Lotus-eater wrote: »

How do you know he doesn't? I'm guessing he does.

Neither of use knows, we're both guessing. You're guessing he does as he's hit her. I'm guesssing he hasn't as she doesn't make mention of any emotional abuse.

Only the OP knows.

ItchyFeet

He's not a "gentle giant" - he's a large man that displays violent behaviour and is capable of doing you great harm.

DUTR

thistledome wrote: »

OP said they were out together, so why are you assuming she went out alone or with friends?

This isn't about you and your Exes.

OP, you need to realise that your choices are either stay with him and accept being assaulted or separate from him. It's entirely normal for these types to apologise afterwards. It doesn't mean they've changed. He needs help for sure, but not at your expense.

Never said it's about me and my ex's the OP has summarised her thoughts in the original post .

purple.sarah

DUTR wrote: »

I agree with some of your points, cuckolding is also a sort of control, and some people enjoy the feeling of being jealous and some don't , it depends how we are analysing what having fun is? Perhaps the OP is a flirt (nothing wrong with that) , we don't know the full ins and outs. I do know though that not every case of DV ends up being or near fatal.

Even if she was flirting (and there's no reason to believe that!) she didn't deserve to be hit. Even if domestic violence isn't fatal no one should have to live with it! Why are you making excuses for this guy?

sophieschoice

The first time you suffer domestic violence you're a victim.
After that you're a volunteer.

An old, wise and very true saying.

DUTR

purple.sarah wrote: »

Even if she was flirting (and there's no reason to believe that!) she didn't deserve to be hit. Even if domestic violence isn't fatal no one should have to live with it! Why are you making excuses for this guy?

I'm not making excuses for the guy, as none of us were there then we don't know the circumstances that led up to the event. Some couples get jealous and make up for it when they tuck into bed
I wonder if RM's ex followed the one liner advise we see banded about on here and decided to end her relationship with him in the manner that she did, of course none of what followed was right, but with hindsight .....

Bumpmakesfour

Do you have kids together?
Just wondering what it is that's made you stick around for him to do it 4 times.Been there done that with a jealous controlling ex who had the same triggers.
We'd go out and he'd see me having a laugh with our friends as me flirting or not caring about him.It got to the point where he got worse after each pint.. he'd accompany me to the loo and wait outside,I wasn't allowed to talk to another man(even his own brother!) etc.It got too much hassle to go out on my own and face the endless texts and calls whilst I was out followed by the relentless questions and accusations afterwards.I saw it at the time as him obviously really loving me
The first slap came after a works do where we ended up leaving early after he flipped at me kissing my male (much older and very happily married) male boss after getting an award for my branch.He sat fuming on the way home in the taxi,lasted till we got in the front door and then when I dared tell him he was paranoid and jealous..smack .The next day came the remorse,the flowers,the sorries,the kisses and I stupidly believed he meant it.Till about 4 months later when I got the second hit..that time a hard back hander that left a big bruise on my cheek after a christmas night out and that was that.Like your boyfriend mine was a strong guy,kickboxed and was at the gym most days.
I phoned my best friend,packed a bag and was out of there that night.We had to sort the flat leases out as we'd just renewed,sort bills out etc but I could see that I couldn't stay however much I loved him.Once was a "mistake" that I maybe could forgive, twice just proved he'd keep doing it.There was no way I could see myself doing the things we'd talked about...marriage,kids etc so as hard as it was it was definately easier to go BEFORE any of that happened.
Sorry,I'm rambling.I just remember being where you are,the desperately wanting to believe his apologies.I remember thinking maybe he'd "change" but now years later I'm in a fab marriage with my very best friend who'd never ever raise his hand to me with three beautiful kids and a bump on the way that will never have to grow up seeing mummy hurt by daddy.Best thing I ever did in hindsight after hearing the woman he married 4 years later and had 2 boys with left him recently and moved over 300 miles away to get away from his "temper" and violence.That could have been me :eek:
I know this is just my experience..sorry if you feel it's not relevant.
I think deep down you know you need to leave,you don't deserve to be hit.Sending you lots of love,strength and hugs xx