Partner hit me...

barbiedoll

Yes, you do know the answer to this.

No he won't change, if he was serious about anger management, he would have seen someone after the first time he hit you.

Yes, he will do you serious harm if you stay.

My ex-husband was a violent drunk. His current wife has just left him, she will be the third woman to try to "change" him, and the third one to give up after wasting years of her life on him. These men rarely change, why should they when so many women are happy to put up with their behaviour?


If you want my advice, get out now and find someone normal, no-one should be stuck with a wife-beater.

System

Leave...or insist he does. If he then gets anger management help then 'perhaps' you can save the relationship...and quit drinking yourself if you behave badly when drunk.

McKneff

I have no comprehension of why you would hit or even mentallyabuse someone you love.

If my OH even raised his hand to me with the intention and then stopped, that would be it Im afraid,
high road for one of us.

Tell him to get help or get lost

anguk

DUTR wrote: »

Well sort that 1st, perhaps he is insecure, partners always seem to look nicer when they are going out with their friends and not their partner. I'd say give him a final chance, better to be murdered by the one you love than a stranger

Seriously?? I'd say better to not be murdered at all!

Hazey this is the 4th time now that he's done this, it doesn't matter if it's the 4th time in a year or the 4th time in 10 years, the fact is it's not the first time and you know in your heart it won't be the last.

If he truly felt he needed help with his anger he would have sought that help the very first time he hurt you. He's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear, "I'm sorry", "it's because I love you", "I'll get help" it's because I'm frightened of losing you" etc. Do any of those phrases sound familiar?

He won't change because you want him to and he can't use you drinking as an excuse, you should be able to drink or talk to who you want without him getting angry and hitting you. It's not normal behaviour and you shouldn't be expected to change yourself to stop him hitting you.

I know it's hard because you love him but the truth is he is hitting you and he wouldn't do that if he truly loved you. I feel awful saying this because it probably sounds harsh but you seem like a bright woman and I think you already know this in your heart. You know that this will carry on and it will only get worse, it could even be the very next time he loses his temper. Do you have family or friends that can help you?

dancing_star

It is NOT an anger management issue. If it was about him being unable to control his anger he would go round slapping people right left and centre. Let me guess, he doesn't do that.

It is about control not anger.

You need to leave. Good luck.

DUTR

anguk wrote: »

Seriously?? I'd say better to not be murdered at all!

Hazey this is the 4th time now that he's done this, it doesn't matter if it's the 4th time in a year or the 4th time in 10 years, the fact is it's not the first time and you know in your heart it won't be the last.

If he truly felt he needed help with his anger he would have sought that help the very first time he hurt you. He's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear, "I'm sorry", "it's because I love you", "I'll get help" it's because I'm frightened of losing you" etc. Do any of those phrases sound familiar?

He won't change because you want him to and he can't use you drinking as an excuse, you should be able to drink or talk to who you want without him getting angry and hitting you. It's not normal behaviour and you shouldn't be expected to change yourself to stop him hitting you.

I know it's hard because you love him but the truth is he is hitting you and he wouldn't do that if he truly loved you. I feel awful saying this because it probably sounds harsh but you seem like a bright woman and I think you already know this in your heart. You know that this will carry on and it will only get worse, it could even be the very next time he loses his temper. Do you have family or friends that can help you?

Of course that is best, and chances are that is the way things will be (eg not killed).
Personally I don't think it will carry on and get worse, the OP should give the final chance 1st, yes it is easy for keyboard warriors to suggest pack your bags and go, it's not as if the OP is coming home to a beating everynight , likewise she could leave and meet somebody even worse, you all know it is not much fun being single and none of you are mentioning the cons , as the OP has already considered some, there is rarely a text book relationship.

Ravenlady_2

You gave him 3 chances already, he isn't going to stop unless you quit drinking and become a recluse.

System

I have to take a bit of issue here DUTR, only because it doesn't HAVE to be a beating everynight to lead to murder... not my story to tell, but an occasional slapping, led to beatings ( even in front of people) led to what would have been murder,but for 'luck'.( Not me or anyone close to me I should say).

Mentioning being 'single' ? yes I am, lol, and I know how hard that can be, relying on no one but yourself, getting support, comfort, conversation at night with no one but 'yourself' ..BUT it's MUCH better than wondering when the next slap will come and whether this time it might put you in hospital I feel.

There are always 2 sides to every story of course but no one should stay where they are being abused/hurt... and that is NOT dependant on gender, I would say the same to a man being slapped or hit as to a woman.

VestanPance

dancing_star wrote: »

It is NOT an anger management issue. If it was about him being unable to control his anger he would go round slapping people right left and centre. Let me guess, he doesn't do that.

It is about control not anger.

You need to leave. Good luck.

From her story it sounds like it's triggered by jealousy, like her idea of having fun talking to people (strangers I assume) is viewed as flirting which triggers the anger/insecurity. I guess not help at all by there being drink involved.

I think most folk have already told you what you want already know that you should walk away.

FagAshLil

pinkduvetdiva wrote: »

My take on it is this: on the best days he should treat you like a queen. On the very worst days he should treat you like a princess. Good luck for the future. xx

Absolutely right!

OP - you know you have to love yourself more than anyone else. This is completely unacceptable and will continue unless he has a reason to stop. Give him that reason by leaving him. Let him get anger management classes if you wish but don't be around him while he's still in this mindset.