Partner hit me...

FagAshLil

DUTR wrote: »

Of course that is best, and chances are that is the way things will be (eg not killed).
Personally I don't think it will carry on and get worse, the OP should give the final chance 1st, yes it is easy for keyboard warriors to suggest pack your bags and go, it's not as if the OP is coming home to a beating everynight , likewise she could leave and meet somebody even worse, you all know it is not much fun being single and none of you are mentioning the cons , as the OP has already considered some, there is rarely a text book relationship.

You are kidding, right?

It's better to be a with a man who uses violence to control you than for you to be single?

Not in this century, it isn't!

Sambucus_Nigra

It's got nothing to do with anger; as he waited until you were home before he hit you.

You know what to do, and that's to get out of this any way you can.

DUTR

Purbeck wrote: »

I have to take a bit of issue here DUTR, only because it doesn't HAVE to be a beating everynight to lead to murder... not my story to tell, but an occasional slapping, led to beatings ( even in front of people) led to what would have been murder,but for 'luck'.( Not me or anyone close to me I should say).

Mentioning being 'single' ? yes I am, lol, and I know how hard that can be, relying on no one but yourself, getting support, comfort, conversation at night with no one but 'yourself' ..BUT it's MUCH better than wondering when the next slap will come and whether this time it might put you in hospital I feel.

There are always 2 sides to every story of course but no one should stay where they are being abused/hurt... and that is NOT dependant on gender, I would say the same to a man being slapped or hit as to a woman.

Indeed, I have been hit by women and perhaps may have slapped one in my time , the easiest option is for the OP to run to the hills, but in practice (and that is the life we are all living) it is not the better option right now, especially as the defendant has recognised his errors, ideally we would like to see the OP's 4 episodes as bad blips from the past, mental bullying is much worse and as a bloke I would have to say women are worse for doing this (does not make all women bad though) and it seems to be socially acceptable. Unless I have read the OP incorrectly, she had been on on evening out and her partner got jealous and reacted badly, it does not make it accpetable I agree, but leaving will perhaps leave much more pain for many years to follow than the temporary sting of a slap

Just_Plain_Jane

DUTR wrote: »

Of course that is best, and chances are that is the way things will be (eg not killed).
Personally I don't think it will carry on and get worse, the OP should give the final chance 1st, yes it is easy for keyboard warriors to suggest pack your bags and go, it's not as if the OP is coming home to a beating everynight , likewise she could leave and meet somebody even worse, you all know it is not much fun being single and none of you are mentioning the cons , as the OP has already considered some, there is rarely a text book relationship.

Why don't you think it will carry on or get worse?

You seem to be suggesting that putting up with being hit is better than finding yourself single, personally I know which I'd rather.

OP This is almost certainly centred around jealousy. Once he's stopped you drinking and going out with friends, what next?

cavework

Go.. leave now .. wave goodbye and never ever look back with regret.

DUTR

FagAshLil wrote: »

You are kidding, right?

It's better to be a with a man who uses violence to control you than for you to be single?

Not in this century, it isn't!

I never said that though did I?
The OP never mentioned control, which seems to be a phrase banded about all too often on here.
Ok, so you would leave in a similar situation, but you have to accept not everyone will follow that path and I'm sure there are a greater amount of episodes that work out all happy in the end.

VestanPance

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

It's got nothing to do with anger; as he waited until you were home before he hit you.

As much as I agree that she should ditch the guy, this part isn't true.

Anger is an emotion and isn't only there at the point that triggers the emotion. In fact studies show the classic 'bottling up' of anger tends to lead to the problem becoming worse and manifesting itself in violence. It may be he sat and built up the anger over something that happened much earlier in the night, thus the anger is higher at the point of the assault. The obvious way to defuse that is to talk the issue over at the point the emotion is triggered, not allowing the anger to build.

Lotus-eater

DUTR wrote: »

I never said that though did I?
The OP never mentioned control, which seems to be a phrase banded about all too often on here.
Ok, so you would leave in a similar situation, but you have to accept not everyone will follow that path and I'm sure there are a greater amount of episodes that work out all happy in the end.

Oh, there's definitely control there, he wants her to be all over him and not with anyone else enjoying herself.
He's teaching her to do what she's told.

DUTR

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

Why don't you think it will carry on or get worse?

You seem to be suggesting that putting up with being hit is better than finding yourself single, personally I know which I'd rather.

OP This is almost certainly centred around jealousy. Once he's stopped you drinking and going out with friends, what next?

For the same reason, you think it will carry on, who is to say the resolve is around the OP never going out without her partner? I'm sure there are female readers on here that have been in a similar situation that have come to a positive resolve without having to run to a refuge.

System

DUTR wrote: »

Indeed, I have been hit by women and perhaps may have slapped one in my time , the easiest option is for the OP to run to the hills, but in practice (and that is the life we are all living) it is not the better option right now, especially as the defendant has recognised his errors, ideally we would like to see the OP's 4 episodes as bad blips from the past, mental bullying is much worse and as a bloke I would have to say women are worse for doing this (does not make all women bad though) and it seems to be socially acceptable. Unless I have read the OP incorrectly, she had been on on evening out and her partner got jealous and reacted badly, it does not make it accpetable I agree, but leaving will perhaps leave much more pain for many years to follow than the temporary sting of a slap

Ideally, I'd also like to see the behaviour as 'bad blips' also, but I'm doubtful... given that the OP said "hit/slapped'... Once, I might write off (imo) as a really bad mistake...but not 4 times. A slap , provoked by behaviour, is 'sometimes' understandable, though not 'right', The word 'hit' denotes ( to me ) something much harder.

I don't find mental bullying by women 'socially acceptable'... though I have to agree that 'some' women are very inclined to do it. I don't like them either!