What age to get rid of teddies/comfort blanket?

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

ceebeeby wrote: »

Lol - that's daft ... or neglectful - surely the parents are there to guide kids in whats right or wrong and to do that in the best way. And to let them be the butt of jokes isn't fair imho. I think you're advising much more harm than good.

So its ok to leave a kid with a dummy until they want to give it up. Or in nappies until they're ready, or asking for their beer to be put into their babies bottle cos they don't want to let go of that comfort drinking vessel.

I don't know many guys that don't have one or maybe two leftover teds or comfort items ... that's cool. I don't know many girls who don't still have teddies in their rooms ... but I don't know how many 11/12 years old boys have a heap of them on the end of their bed.


And the message of going to hide them when someone comes round, suggests its a bit like a 'dirty secret' .... today the teddies, tomorrow the !!!!!! mags

Children will grow out of things themselves in time,they don't need to be bullied into anything.
I've looked after enough children to realise this and none of them ever wanted to take their dummy to school or carry their cuddle blanket round with them when they were teenagers.
Theres a lot of difference in letting kids keep comfort items to letting them stay in nappies or learning to use a cup as you have mentioned.
One is an emotional issue the other developmental.
You have to be able to know where to draw the line on things like that and act accordingly.
My youngest daughter is a child psychologist,you should ask her about the problems she comes across and how children can be bruised by the little things that parents might not even remember but have had a lasting effect on their child.

ceebeeby

Mrs Tittlemouse,

I have to say I'm surprised that given your quantative parenting credentials stated above that you think a boy teasing another is bullying. He was teased - nothing more!

Perhaps your views are an initiation into a parenting world whereby a soon to be teenager must be wrapped in cotton wool in case he gets bumped, must not be teased in case he's offended, cannot be parentally guided in case it damages him psychologically? Fantastic if you can keep this going for the individuals whole life, whereby you can keep reality out for his entire existence, but whatabout, just say, that you do want to send him out into a world where there are other people with differing socially accepted norms - surely it's better parenting to furnish them with knowledge about this. Emotional and physical development progression is a very very thin line - I'm sure your daughter will be able to explain this to you.

andrealm

Has anybody ever met someone who asked for their beer to be put in a baby's bottle? If they haven't then it's probably because children grow out of things in their own time. I don't really understand this obsession some people seem to have about what age children stop using dummies, buggies, nappies etc. at. when they are 25, will anyone know or care whether somebody still had a dummy when they were four?

Kids tease/bully each other about all kinds of things, would you expect him to dye his hair or wear different clothes if that was what they were laughing at him for? Or would you want him to develop his own identity and have the confidence to be himself and do his own thing?

keza

Hi OP,

I had my blanket or 'sheet' as i called it, right up until i moved out of my parents house at the age of 22! i was not ashamed of it. i only had it in bed of a night but it was comforting and my parents never took it from me or hid it and nothing bad or weird has come of me i think when hes ready to give it up, let him xx

mavisangelica

My son's range of teddies, including the one he had from birth mysteriously appeared in our bedroom one day when he was 13 or 14. I suspect that it may have been after an incident like the OP described - a friend coming over to play on the XBox. Son has never been a conventional child ('follow the crowd'), neither has he been a particularly emptional child. Son has just turned 17 and I have just remembered that his shelf is still in his bedroom full of nice teddies, Scooby, Po, etc, draped with caps.

milliebear00001

purple.sarah wrote: »

The OP's child was singled out and if he's simply told to "shrug it off" it could persist. As I said, I think dismissing it as just teasing allows it to persist.

Nobody has advocated dismissing the behaviour. The advice was to emphasise that this child's teasing was wrong.

I actually wrote that bullying is a persistent singling out of a particular child - you missed out the first part. The fact that this is a single incident means that, by definition, this cannot be 'persistent'. Should there be repeated incidents, then it should be taken very seriously, as all true cases of bullying should.

'shrugging off' such things is very good advice. Resilient children are the ones who are confident enough to say 'you know what, I don't actually CARE what you think'. It's a hard lesson to learn, but adopting this attitude to other children's nastiness will make him a happier child in the long-term.

YORKSHIRELASS

I have to say I am a bit surprised by some of the reactions on here. My son is 10, a bright happy football loving boy with lots of friends. He also happens to have a favourite teddy that he likes to take to bed with him and sometimes, if he is tired or upset, likes to tuck under his arm while he is watching telly. So what? He is starting to become aware that this is not cool and if someone knocks on the door his teddy gets stuffed down behind the sofa or under his bed. At some point I guess teddy will become redundant and maybe if this hasnt happened in a year or two I might say something. Or I might not.

To be honest I have never even considered this to be a problem. Is there not enough pressure on kids to grow up quickly nowadays? I would rather my 10 year old was cuddling his teddy than mugging old ladies.

Kay_Peel

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

He is starting to become aware that this is not cool and if someone knocks on the door his teddy gets stuffed down behind the sofa or under his bed.

There's the main difference between your son and the OP's.

Your son would prefer that people did not know about his need for a teddy; he recognises that it's uncool. The OP's son hasn't reached that level of insight yet.

The OP's son doesn't want to hide his blanket/teddies but gets bewildered and upset by friends' reaction to them. Your son anticipates the reaction and puts his teddy away.

One of these children has found a happy medium of keeping his teddy and his self-image intact, whereas the other keeps his teddy but opens himself up to ridicule. One is 10 and the other is 11.5 years and at secondary school.

For me, this topic isn't about cuddly toys (I've got an attic full that I retrieved from my childrens' bins over the years) - it's about self-awareness in children. Some get it earlier than others.

YORKSHIRELASS

Kay_Peel wrote: »

There's the main difference between your son and the OP's.

Your son would prefer that people did not know about his need for a teddy; he recognises that it's uncool. The OP's son hasn't reached that level of insight yet.

The OP's son doesn't want to hide his blanket/teddies but gets bewildered and upset by friends' reaction to them. Your son anticipates the reaction and puts his teddy away.

One of these children has found a happy medium of keeping his teddy and his self-image intact, whereas the other keeps his teddy but opens himself up to ridicule. One is 10 and the other is 11.5 years and at secondary school.

For me, this topic isn't about cuddly toys (I've got an attic full that I retrieved from my childrens' bins over the years) - it's about self-awareness in children. Some get it earlier than others.

Actually I hadnt thought of it that way and you make a very good point. I suppose the issue here is that all children develop differently and so long as their need for teddies and comforters isnt causing them any embarrassment then its not a problem. As the OP said her son has had comments more than once and been upset about it so this is something she needs to deal with.

I would still go very gently though and maybe find a compromise such as the suggestion of hiding them away. In time I am sure he will be ready to get rid of them altogether.

MarilynMonroe_2

andrealm wrote: »

Has anybody ever met someone who asked for their beer to be put in a baby's bottle? If they haven't then it's probably because children grow out of things in their own time. I don't really understand this obsession some people seem to have about what age children stop using dummies, buggies, nappies etc. at. when they are 25, will anyone know or care whether somebody still had a dummy when they were four?

Kids tease/bully each other about all kinds of things, would you expect him to dye his hair or wear different clothes if that was what they were laughing at him for? Or would you want him to develop his own identity and have the confidence to be himself and do his own thing?

They say teeth can be mis shaped if they have bottles and dummies after a certain age.. buggies only hold up to a certain weight, nappies only fit up to a certain sized bum et etc... so there are reasons why babies are weaned off things by a certain time. x