Just received this - please help

blue_monkey_2

And of course you feel like this, he is the one that has done wrong yet he swans in as and when he feels like it (suddenly he has an interest? Why is his job no longer 'taking him away from home'. Alarm bells, sorry - maybe he can no longer afford prostitutes, sorry, an affair) and he has cheated and belittled you. If you did not feel like this then you would not be human, this is normal, he has hurt you - not for the first time either and I imagine the 2nd time hurts more that the first as you'll feel humiliated for trusting him. It is GOOD you feel all of these things so you are not dwelling on them and letting them eat you up inside, but go and see the doctor if you cannot eat or sleep and ask for tablets. Do not feel ashamed, I reckon everyone has been on them at one time or another - I know I have when life was getting too much. You CAN do this and you WILL do this on your own.

Did you go to the job centre and sort money out with them. Anything you get from him (bu it for bills etc...) will not be taken into consideration. You need all the financial help you can get, please take it. The kids will get free school dinners as well.

Doorstep_horror

Money all sorted, I have applied for ctb and free school meals.

There's nothing that can be done about his new house because it is another mortgage.

Women's aid said a support worker will get back to me within a few weeks.

I am in the Wales area.

They are still together and she is still moving in with him "but not straight away" and "will go away while LO's are visiting for a while".

He has asked to stay here Christmas eve, so I asked could I stay with him next Christmas when he has them? Yes was his answer. I'm not doing it.

Caroline_a

Good girl!!! No way do you want him spoiling your Christmas! He can just go to his new home and wake up chilly on Christmas Day while you have the kids excited as anything bouncing around your bed!

Mrs.W_2

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Thank you all. I am so grateful to you all

he's coming round to see the children.

Forgot to say he said today that our marriage didn't finish because he had an affair, she's got nothing to do with our break up, it was over a while ago - news to me.

It seems that his own stupidity has swung back to smack him between the eyes. File his daft comment under 'misery loves company'.

Everything crossed for your wellbeing in the coming months. Be thinking of you and your little ones.

blue_monkey_2

Too right you are not. Tell him to find a hotel - they were good enough before. Bloody cheek!! He has made his bed it's time to lie in it.

I also think you need to be firm and tell him he can come 3 or 4 days a week and not every night because all of it is unsettling the kids. He chose to have the affair, he must live with the consequences. Also that he must leave by a certain time as well.

Sorry, I am nowhere near Wales but if anyone is reading, maybe they can help.

Do you have a Children's Centre that can help you find a club or group you can take the kids to, maybe at the weekend, so you can meet other single mums? Maybe have a look on your local councils website, they sometimes have this information on there too.

I am glad the finances are sorting themselves out though, this will be helpful.

blue_monkey_2

Mrs.W wrote: »

It seems that his own stupidity has swung back to smack him between the eyes. File his daft comment under 'misery loves company'.

Everything crossed for your wellbeing in the coming months. Be thinking of you and your little ones.

LOL, yeah, with a big fat fish!! and bloody well deserved too.

princessdreamer

Cut down his visits to your home, he has no right to be there every day. As for his crap about her not breaking up the marriage yeah right and pigs can fly, heard it all before.

Emmzi

"So it's wearing the kids out not having a routine. Let's discuss visitation. I think coming over two evenings a week is more than enough for them, and why don't you take them out Sunday afternoons. So Tuesday and Thursday are best for me, half past five until seven which is bedtime, we have things to do other evenings. Yes or no? "

You get a Tesco home delivery Sunday afternoon, so that's the groceries sorted, and a doze on the sofa with a film or a soak in the bath. And then Tuesday night is laundry night and Thursday is ironing night and when you are finished those chores he goes home, and you avoid having to have conversation.

victory

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

T

Forgot to say he said today that our marriage didn't finish because he had an affair, she's got nothing to do with our break up, it was over a while ago - news to me.

Don't listen to him, hurtful words just so he can feel superior, you are better than that, you are going to be just fine, you have the strength, you will get there, don't listen, be proud of yourself and let him drown in his own resentment and bitterness;)

Caroline_a

Emmzi wrote: »

"So it's wearing the kids out not having a routine. Let's discuss visitation. I think coming over two evenings a week is more than enough for them, and why don't you take them out Sunday afternoons. So Tuesday and Thursday are best for me, half past five until seven which is bedtime, we have things to do other evenings. Yes or no? "

You get a Tesco home delivery Sunday afternoon, so that's the groceries sorted, and a doze on the sofa with a film or a soak in the bath. And then Tuesday night is laundry night and Thursday is ironing night and when you are finished those chores he goes home, and you avoid having to have conversation.

Spot on Emmzi! See DH.... I told you about the support you have here.... that man just don't know what he's up against.... :rotfl: