Just received this - please help

blue_monkey_2

Ah yes, another 'one poster' who has not bothered to read the entire thread who has picked up on a few of my last threads.

Where have I told the OP to put it on FB? I said I would, bother to read the last 37 pages and go back and see that all through this thread I have told her that her No1 priority is to get a solicitor and get them to deal with it. Or can't you be bothered to do that? You might then find that there are about 20 posts with me saying the same thing, to get a solicitor. Likewise going to the CSA.

I did only catch half the news this morning, however, what I DO know is that my mother was in more or less the same situation as the OP. My dad put the house in his name and paid the mortgage and the bills, he did not put my mothers name on there as she was not working (he was very crafty, my dad). He said 'could not afford' child support either (was probably paying for all of those holidays and the 2nd wife that crippled him financially tbh, got to feel sorry for him), he got another place and 'met his new lady friend' a few weeks after as well. Surprise.

He thought would do the same things to my mother too. Call when in as and when he felt like it 'because he could'. He thought he could screw my mother over too. Wrong. My mother managed to get 100% of the house off him in the divorce settlement and he had to pay the mortgage but he did not pay child support - and he had to put her name on the deeds and mortgage.

Of course, he put controlling clauses into the settlement but my mother sat it out (well, she found a loophole, one of the clauses was that no other man could live in the house and that mum could not remarry before my sisters 18th birthday - there was nothing to say she could not live with someone else elsewhere which is what she did - doh!). He was not allowed to visit without prior arrangement. And so when my sister turned 18 the house went into her name as he paid no child support.

My sister was 6 when the divorce was finalised so mum sat it out for a LONG time to get what she was due for being treated like a piece of crap. Damn right too. A visit to the bank, a piece of paper signed (which he faffed about doing and made excuses about about until I got involved and helped her sort it) and she was able to remortgage in her sole name, dad was off the deeds and the house was 100% hers. he got nothing apart from a big bill. She then continued to pay the mortgage and the house was hers.

The Legal Aid bill from the divorce was put as a charge on the house and she had to pay that before it could be put into her name but because there was so much equity in the house the bank just added it onto the mortgage. A GOOD solicitor will try and do the same thing so do not say it does not happen, because it does and I have seen it happen.

Again - as I have already told her over and over - she needs a solicitor for divorce advice not an internet forum, and that is any internet forum - and she has been advised of this many, many times since she first started posting - by myself and several others. In fact I mentioned it yesterday as well and she said she is just waiting for papers to come back. We can give her all the advice in the world but every solicitor will work his own way and will do things different so it is irrelevant what we think.

However, as I said before - had it been me this happened to then everyone would know by now and hell yes I would have put it on Facebook. Still, we can't all be the same can we? You call it 'blackmail' I call it 'getting my own back'. difference is what?

However, I stand by what I say, she needs to have ground rules and he should only be visiting 2 days a week and one day at the weekend. At a time that suits all of them and not just him.

I can't believe how many of you would let yourselves be treated so disrespectfully though and you not do a single thing about it. Maybe you have not been treated that way before to know just how it feels - because if you had, then you might well change your mind - and I think my way for a reason. I'll only be treated like that just the once, and I have had my time. It'll not happen to me again. And had FB been around back then, it might have been a whole different outcome.

princessdreamer

Facebook is the spawn of the devil, the number of people who start their affairs on there is beyond a joke.

sassyblue

princessdreamer wrote: »

Facebook is the spawn of the devil, the number of people who start their affairs on there is beyond a joke.

Why does Facebook get the blame? The sort of people who wish to start affairs and cause upset for everyone don't need facebook.

blue_monkey_2

princessdreamer wrote: »

Facebook is the spawn of the devil, the number of people who start their affairs on there is beyond a joke.

People had affairs before Facebook. You might as well blame the mobile phone if blaming FB as I am sure it was far more difficult to have affairs before they came along.

If someone is going to cheat they'll do it with anyone, regardless of where they have met them, be that down the pub/club/work/train station etc... FB is just another place for picking someone up. That person was never going to remain faithful, you can't blame FB for it.

Anyway, that is OT and nothing to do with the OP's problems.

Caroline_a

Moving on... DH, hope you're feeling a bit better tonight. Every day is a step forward to you being happy and independent in your new life!

However, we all understand that it's a long and tortuous road. Just let us know how we can help. We're all rooting for you!!

Padstow

blue_monkey wrote: »

Ah yes, another 'one poster' who has not bothered to read the entire thread who has picked up on a few of my last threads.

Where have I told the OP to put it on FB? I said I would, bother to read the last 37 pages and go back and see that all through this thread I have told her that her No1 priority is to get a solicitor and get them to deal with it. Or can't you be bothered to do that? You might then find that there are about 20 posts with me saying the same thing, to get a solicitor. Likewise going to the CSA.

I did only catch half the news this morning, however, what I DO know is that my mother was in more or less the same situation as the OP. My dad put the house in his name and paid the mortgage and the bills, he did not put my mothers name on there as she was not working (he was very crafty, my dad). He said 'could not afford' child support either (was probably paying for all of those holidays and the 2nd wife that crippled him financially tbh, got to feel sorry for him), he got another place and 'met his new lady friend' a few weeks after as well. Surprise.

He thought would do the same things to my mother too. Call when in as and when he felt like it 'because he could'. He thought he could screw my mother over too. Wrong. My mother managed to get 100% of the house off him in the divorce settlement and he had to pay the mortgage but he did not pay child support - and he had to put her name on the deeds and mortgage.

Of course, he put controlling clauses into the settlement but my mother sat it out (well, she found a loophole, one of the clauses was that no other man could live in the house and that mum could not remarry before my sisters 18th birthday - there was nothing to say she could not live with someone else elsewhere which is what she did - doh!). He was not allowed to visit without prior arrangement. And so when my sister turned 18 the house went into her name as he paid no child support.

My sister was 6 when the divorce was finalised so mum sat it out for a LONG time to get what she was due for being treated like a piece of crap. Damn right too. A visit to the bank, a piece of paper signed (which he faffed about doing and made excuses about about until I got involved and helped her sort it) and she was able to remortgage in her sole name, dad was off the deeds and the house was 100% hers. he got nothing apart from a big bill. She then continued to pay the mortgage and the house was hers.

The Legal Aid bill from the divorce was put as a charge on the house and she had to pay that before it could be put into her name but because there was so much equity in the house the bank just added it onto the mortgage. A GOOD solicitor will try and do the same thing so do not say it does not happen, because it does and I have seen it happen.

Again - as I have already told her over and over - she needs a solicitor for divorce advice not an internet forum, and that is any internet forum - and she has been advised of this many, many times since she first started posting - by myself and several others. In fact I mentioned it yesterday as well and she said she is just waiting for papers to come back. We can give her all the advice in the world but every solicitor will work his own way and will do things different so it is irrelevant what we think.

However, as I said before - had it been me this happened to then everyone would know by now and hell yes I would have put it on Facebook. Still, we can't all be the same can we? You call it 'blackmail' I call it 'getting my own back'. difference is what?

However, I stand by what I say, she needs to have ground rules and he should only be visiting 2 days a week and one day at the weekend. At a time that suits all of them and not just him.

I can't believe how many of you would let yourselves be treated so disrespectfully though and you not do a single thing about it. Maybe you have not been treated that way before to know just how it feels - because if you had, then you might well change your mind - and I think my way for a reason. I'll only be treated like that just the once, and I have had my time. It'll not happen to me again. And had FB been around back then, it might have been a whole different outcome.

Oh I've read the thread. I said that facebook is the spawn of the Devil IN THE WRONG HANDS.
I didn't accuse you of suggesting OH put the pics on FB. You have tried to manipulate my post to meet your ends.
You also totally misunderstood the landmark ruling for couples co-habiting so it doesn't apply here anyway.

As for my link to wikivorce, which is manned by solicitors and barristers, I suggest they would be of far greater, legal help than we can be.

For all who leapt to the defence of Facebook, I said it is the spawn of the Devil IN THE WRONG HANDS.

As for the difference between blackmail and getting your own back? A police charge I would imagine.

I wish you well OH. Keep calm, you've done the hardest bit, and just a note on the ex entering whenever he feels like it.
You will soon have lots of paperwork pertaining to the divorce, which you'll not wish him to see. Please make your privacy a priority and if you haven't already done so, get a password on your computer. Sols often send Emails.

millym

I've just read the entire thread :eek: and I have to say, if it was me, I would be very suspicious as to why the ex is coming round all the time:cool:

Sounds like things aren't going quite like he planned, and wonder if he's trying to get his feet back under the table?

Maybe he can't get another mortgage after all and the new woman has had a change of heart?

Maybe his parents are breathing down his neck about getting back together? He's living there just now, right? And there's talk of them helping with a deposit?

Something is definitely not right...

Usually men in this situation are too busy with their new lives to see their children EVERY DAY!

If I were DH, I would get down to the DWP and get something in writing and get to a solicitor ASAP!

Chrisca50

...................bump How are things going DH, well I hope