Just received this - please help

Flee_2

Just like to say to OP, well done on getting this far. You won't feel like super Mum at the moment, but you are. Your kids need you as a support for them, this you are doing. You are doing an amazing job of keeping it together and you are obviously looking after your children.

You have the support of lots of people on here and lots of shoulders to cry on.

blue_monkey_2

NAR wrote: »

DH just be a little careful about what you do or say about the material you have on them. Don't allow yourself to be put in a situation where you could be accused of blackmail regarding access to the children. I know that is not your intention but solicitors can easily be convinced otherwise.

And that intention would have to be questioned in a Family Court and why the OP did it, not by solicitors. if it goes to solicitors then it'll be going to court for access. This is not a criminal case (blackmail) but a civil one that would be dealt with by Family Courts. Would the husband even want these details paraded in front of a family court judge, as he is one who is going to grant him access to his children. I think not.

A family court is not going to give him 7 day a week access to his children either - what he is doing now is unacceptable and he is going there just to bully and intimidate the OP. I wonder how much 'hands on' he does with the kids while he is there anyway, I can bet it is not a lot. He goes there for one reason, and that is to bully her - hence the comments while he is there. And that is unacceptable.

And whether or not she sends the link to anyone else is up to her, nothing to do with access - it has everything to do with him bullying her and she is putting the boot on the other foot and using what she has on him, to make her stop. And why the hell not. Is he going to admit to bullying her? of course he isn't.

This is why DH needs to set out firm days in the letter and a court will see that as more than reasonable. However, if he insists on bullying and intimidating her in her own home then whatever steps she takes to make him stop, well, that is up to her. Don't start scaring her as nothing will happen at all if she sends them on.

Personally I think she has the patience of a saint and I don't know how she does it, those pictures would have made it onto my facebook page within a week for all the family and friends to see what a bar steward he really is and what he had done to me and with who. If he wanted humiliation then I'd be more than happy to give it. Why should she have to hide away, he has betrayed her - and if he chose to do it in that way he should be prepared to accept the consequences of it.

Of course, he could have just been honest and told her before he started doing it and avoided all of this....... he still wants to bully the OP and that HAS to stop. End of. By whatever way she is able.

Lotus-eater

I would be careful about following advice to let all and sundry see these web pages you have of them.

Once something like that starts, it's very difficult to stop. You've got to be the bigger person here and not stoop to his level.

Hatred can make people do some very silly things, most of which they wish they hadn't done later.

Think ten times before you do something and act once.

blue_monkey_2

Why? No-one needs to see anything if he stops bullying her.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with playing the hand you have been dealt to get someone to leave you alone.

As I said though, they would have been on my facebook page a long time ago. I am not going to sit back and have people think I am the one at fault for chucking him out and ruining the marriage (as he has no doubt been telling everyone for pity - and hence her 'not moving in right away', she will spring up after a few months to make it look like he has met someone new) when I had the ultimate proof of his betrayal and intentions. Absolutely no way on this earth am I sitting back and looking like it is all down to me. And I would not really care how it made me look tbh - vengeful and spiteful, probably - but once people saw the pictures they would totally understand that none of it was my fault.

Money_maker

Spambot?^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (now gone)

crazyguy

I have not read back through the pages of this thread as it is far to long but for all you guys know he maybe monitoring this site and if he is being slated on here he to could use the comments posted as a slander case against the OP so be very carefull what you write on here as you may come unstuck.

Caroline_a

For my pennyworth, I personally wouldnt publish the photos. I might, however, drop into the conversation with friends, colleagues, etc etc... 'you have no idea what he was into... (long pause.. big sigh)...I'm just glad I had a lucky escape'.. Saying nothing often says far more than saying/doing something. I don't think it would hurt for you to mention to him either that you still have copies safely stored away. No threats of publication, let his imagination find that one

I do know how easy it is to get bitter and destructive in these situations, particularly when kids are involved, but if you play the innocent, hurt wife (which of course you are, so no acting necessary), then you'll get far more people helping you than if you go around threatening.

Scenario: Ex (rushing round to parents/friends/work mates) - 'Have you had an email from DH???'

Parent/friend/etc - 'No... I'll have a look now'..

Ex - 'Noooooooo...'

Parent/friend/etc - 'Why, what would she have sent me..?'

and you get the picture... ;);) You meanwhile just sit serenely at home and smile like the Mona Lisa....:rotfl:

sassyblue

You shouldn't send those photos to anyone. Just let him know you have them saved and hidden should be enough to kick him into touch.

BitterAndTwisted

Oh, I dunno. I think I would most particularly relish sending the pics of him in ladies undies to his Mum and Dad at some point....

Padstow

blue_monkey wrote: »

Why? No-one needs to see anything if he stops bullying her.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with playing the hand you have been dealt to get someone to leave you alone.

As I said though, they would have been on my facebook page a long time ago. I am not going to sit back and have people think I am the one at fault for chucking him out and ruining the marriage (as he has no doubt been telling everyone for pity - and hence her 'not moving in right away', she will spring up after a few months to make it look like he has met someone new) when I had the ultimate proof of his betrayal and intentions. Absolutely no way on this earth am I sitting back and looking like it is all down to me. And I would not really care how it made me look tbh - vengeful and spiteful, probably - but once people saw the pictures they would totally understand that none of it was my fault.

Facebook, spawn of the Devil in the wrong hands, and I do feel blue monkey, that for whatever reason, you are now too deeply involved in the thread to give rational advice.

The most important thing is to maintain relations between the absent parent and the children, provided the children want it of course. As far as I understand, one night per week and alternate weekends is the norm, and granted by the court. You do OH, have a right to privacy. So your ex needs to give notice to visit, or collect things.


Blue monkey quoted what they saw on television this morning and reported what was totally inaccurate. See here for the truth. http://www.guardian.co.uk/law/2011/nov/09/court-rules-property-rights-unmarried?newsfeed=true

Besides which, OH is married, so her case has no bearing whatsoever on the landmark ruling, relating only to couples living together.

I agree with NAR and others. Do not attempt to blackmail your husband. By all means collect evidence to be used against him in future child hearings. What he has done though has no bearing on your divorce which is no fault (sadly) in England and Wales.

Be careful OH of divorce advice here, and join http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/