Just received this - please help

Doorstep_horror

He does take them out for a couple of hours on one day at the weekend, but just turns up through the week. Or he tells ds of his arrangements, I try to get him to discus things with me, but all I get is the same reply of "when I get a house". Apparently there's no point in discussing things at the moment because he's not settled, and he's got too much stress.

He's buying a 3/4 bedroom house but yet kids still have to share a bedroom.

Doorstep_horror

Emmzi - I wish I could be so practical, I can just about get out of bed and take the kids to school at the moment, but I did get some indoor fireworks last weekend. Then decided at 6.55 we would go to a free display which started at 7.00 (luckily I only live 10 mins away).

Sagz_2

Doorstep horror - you rock!

Your kids are so lucky to have a mum who will fight for their rights and not let some scumbag husband/dad walk all over you.

Keep strong xxx


Oh, and MSE'ers - you rock too!

blue_monkey_2

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

He does take them out for a couple of hours on one day at the weekend, but just turns up through the week. Or he tells ds of his arrangements, I try to get him to discus things with me, but all I get is the same reply of "when I get a house". Apparently there's no point in discussing things at the moment because he's not settled, and he's got too much stress.

He's buying a 3/4 bedroom house but yet kids still have to share a bedroom.

Stop, stop, you'll have me in tears for him in a minute.

Tough luck IMO. Just tell him no, he is not coming. If he wants to fight about it, get a solicitor!! You'll get Legal Aid, he won't.

This is why you need a solicitor so you can have things set out legally. Tell him if he just keeps on turning up then you'll go to court and get contact set out on paper by the judge.

Can I ask what is happening about a solicitor? Do you have one? What is he/she doing? Because you should be telling them about this and him/her making suggestions.

Time to turn the stress levels up a notch. With him in your face 7 days a week you are going to feel crap. Tell him it stops now, 2 days a week or nothing. Because he owns half the house you really do need a solicitor ASAP else he is going to screw you over and use equity that is in the house. Please do get it sorted and do not put it off any longer. Please, please, please.

Of course, you could just go and see the council about getting a deposit off them to rent and then you can have your own front door and can close it on him whenever you want. He would not be able to sell the house without your permission, but at least he is not going to be the one calling the shots.

I believe he can come and go when he feels like it but you NEED to be firm with him and a court order will be the only way you can do this, the judge will tell him he can only visit on x amount of days.

Emmzi

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Apparently there's no point in discussing things at the moment because he's not settled, and he's got too much stress.

Poor ickle him! Frankly I'd go for evil mickey taking but then I am not classy.

Chain on the door for when you open it so he can't get in. Make him talk through the gap.

"Poor ickle you! All stressy wessed are you? Awwwww. You let me know when you aren't stressy wessed and you can see the kids then because they don't like stress either.

Now !!!! off. The kids are having their dinner and I don't want them all upset or they won't sleep, you selfish !!!!!!!. It isn't all about you, y'know. Call and ask if you can come round next time."

Emmzi

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Emmzi - I wish I could be so practical, I can just about get out of bed and take the kids to school at the moment, but I did get some indoor fireworks last weekend. Then decided at 6.55 we would go to a free display which started at 7.00 (luckily I only live 10 mins away).

Aww hon, bet they liked it though.

You don't have to feel great right now, you just have to keep going. Sleep A LOT, walk and get fresh air, and seriously online shopping, you can get the healthier easy to cook things and fruit for the kids and it's no effort at all.

I echo everything said about soliticitors. You NEED a rottwellier, and you need them now. If there is only one extra thing you do this week, make it that.

Doorstep_horror

I'm on all the waiting lists, council, lha etc, there's nothing in this area. I've also registered with a local letting agent that takes benefit, I'm stuck in a catch 22 situation most places won't take benefits if you haven't had them before.

Re solicitors - I'm just waiting on letters so I can take them in with me to start getting legal aid.

I feel like he's got me over a barrel, I'm just so scared of doing anything, I know that sounds crap but I think I'm just trying to avoid confrontation, maybe I'm a doormat, I just haven't found that inner strength to stand up to him just yet, I've always backed down not just with him, but any situation.

Emmzi

start by fitting a good, solid door chain.

you don't have to use it at first.

just know it is there.

Doorstep_horror

Emmzi wrote: »

start by fitting a good, solid door chain.

you don't have to use it at first.

just know it is there.

I wish I could but as he owns the house I can't stop him getting entry.

Doorstep_horror

Good night all many thanks for being there for me, I really do feel better after a rant on here it really is like therapy.

Good night, sweet dreams all x