Just received this - please help

gratefulforhelp_2

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Child Maintenance is no longer taken into account for any means tested benefits such as Income Support, Jobseekers Allowance, Housing & Council Tax Benefit etc so no need to worry about this.

EE

EE is right and the CSA are talking boswelox which is not unusual.

lemonpopcorn

hi OP, I've been reading and can't add anything other than follow the excellent advice that you've already been given on here.
I hope you've managed to get a new solicitor sorted and I hope you believe in yourself cos you've already come a long way in a short space of time

youngmummy

just read the thread, hope your Ok hunni, stay strong, you have handled it all very well. well done!! i cant offer much advice really as i don't really know how all this works, but wanted too show my support, hope yourself and your children are well, take care. you have came such a long way and should be proud of yourself the way you have dealt with it all, (((huggsss))) xxx

busiscoming2

DH I hope things are getting sorted for you. Thinking of you.

jkennedy86

Oh my god that is scary. But if it's a joke, it's not funny. Just threaten him or her. That you'll call the police if it's a joke. If it's not he'll still call or text you anyway if there is really an affair betweek your husband and his wife.

willow_loulou

My best advice is after years and years of the same sort of crap

1. He will not get custody of your daughter - have faith in your ability as a parent and there will be no question.

2. He will rip you off and leave you in poverty until you get the CSA to sort payments. Under no circumstances allow him a private agreement because at any time he fancies he can and will stop payments. It take 12 weeks for the CSA to sort payments and they will take direct from him and pay direct to you. It IS worth the argument and guilt trips he will offer. Please believe me, no matter how scared and worried you are it is the single most important thing you can do for your own self worth. Its taken me years to finally get payments sorted - I havent had the last 3 payments ..... He has till Thursday or the CSA will take from his wages. His choice!

3. Stop trying to make up for his inadequacies as a parent, you can encourage him to want them all you like but in the end it wont be him thats hurting when he breaks his promises and lets everyone down time after time. He needs to get it out of his system, it might take years for him to realise what he is missing though! The important thing is you re -enforcing your unconditional love and providing the best stable and loving environment you can for a child.

I send you much love and many hugs, divorcing was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I hope you soon find some strength and good legal advice xxxxx

RacyRed

Thinking of you DH, I hope you are staying strong.
xxx

GemJar_2

Thinking of you, just read this whole thing and I am shocked and appalled! Can't really offer any advice, but what I can do is help you with your theory test bit! I passed mine about 3 weeks ago and theres an app that has lots of mock theory questions on it for your iphone, a lot of the questions on there came up on my theory test so were a big help, think the app is just called theory test, search it, its the one with the white and red logo. Also http://www.driving-test-success.com/haz001/haz001.htm this website with free hazard perception clips was really useful and I found it the closest to the real thing I could find. Also the gov website http://www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/documents/digitalasset/dg_187178.htm is in the exact format of the theory exam itself and also has lots of useful questions. Another hint is to find out which way you'd expect a horse rider to go on a roundabout. I still have no idea what the answer to that was but i'm pretty sure I got it wrong! haha

So much love going to you and good luck xxx

zzzLazyDaisy

GemJar wrote: »

Another hint is to find out which way you'd expect a horse rider to go on a roundabout. I still have no idea what the answer to that was but i'm pretty sure I got it wrong! haha

Thanks GemJar for making me laugh :-)

A horse rider goes round a roundabout in the same direction as motor vehicles, but they may stay in the left hand lane all the way round - so as a driver you need to be aware that the horse rider may be turning right even though they remain in the left hand lane (of course this is especially important if you are leaving a roundabout into the path of a horse rider!).

Perhaps of more day-to-day importance is that the same applies to cyclists.

http://www.2pass.co.uk/roundabout.htm

Mupette

DH

I remember when i was going through my divorce... 1999 what a year.

first he wouldn't move out as he thought i was just all talk,
until he got a letter from my solicitor telling him to get a solicitor...

The day he moved out, i took our son to visit my mum and dad, so that we were out the way of all the moving stuff.

then the fun began.

The man that would come home from work, and be asleep on the sofa by 8 was out pubbing and clubbing... and saying he had no money to give as maintance to our son, the 2am drunken banging on the door demanding to see his son, and check my bed was empty as apparently he heard i was sleeping with anything with a pulse.. ( i laugh now at how childish he was, but at the time it was very upsetting)

he was generous on the money to our son, as long as he looked after him each night whilst i worked... then he would insit he stayed the night, which i wasn't happy with at all, the threat of being raped again by him was not somthing i was going to have.

and so i had to give up my job, and be a sahm for a while, csa we involved and he left his job so that he wouldnt need to pay me much money.. £5 a week.

It's barely £17 a week now (11 years down the line), but i am not scared of him anymore, and had the guts to tell him that to his face a few months back, our son was in hospital having his appendix removed and i offered him a lift home, he is having the same problems we had with the mother of his almost 2 year old daughter..

he claims she is lazy etc, he was told by her parents he was controlling, and i said i agreed that he was a control freak, and suggested he just doesnt do long term relationships as each one he has tried has always failed based on his behaviour.

he lied in court when i had to get an injunction out on him, said he HAD to walk down my street to get to work, my street was one of many routes, he was just a stalker.. he was told not to enter the block of flats i was living in at the time, and he stuck to it for the next 10 years..

he is just a silly little man, i've told him that and much more, and he did nothing..... he could see that i had grown in strengh and nothing he could do would hurt me anymore, i had moved on, got my self respect, self esteem back, everything he had taken from me.

11 years ago this man was a huge scarey monster... and now.. he is nothing.

OP your ex is just full of hot air, desperately trying to take back control, but is loosing his grip, keep holding on tight..