huge row with husband over leaving wedding early

Caroline73_2

basscadette wrote: »

I see your user name is Athina - your husband is not Greek is he?

My Greek ex was totally like this and because I am very independent, we blew up loads over this kind of behaviour. He thought he was the man in the relationship holding all the orders, just like his dad, and I was there to do as I am expected to do as a 'good girl'. We 're not together anymore obviously, but your OH's attitude honks of Greek Man Syndrome.

That is as much to do with you as it is with him. I married my husband (obviously aside from the fact I love him) as we come from the same cultural / socioeconomic backgrounds. Neither of us had to conform to fit in with the others expectations. Therefore no resentment.

victory

I honestly think that the op put him in an awkward position, he had best man duties to fulfil, he was obliged to stay, he wanted to stay, as the evening progressed he never envisaged having to deal with all the guests, making sure they were having fun, the groom, the bride etc and also his wife who was being demanding

Person_one

Caroline73 wrote: »

That is as much to do with you as it is with him. I married my husband (obviously aside from the fact I love him) as we come from the same cultural / socioeconomic backgrounds. Neither of us had to conform to fit in with the others expectations. Therefore no resentment.

Surely you're not suggesting that people should only marry within their own culture and class! :eek:

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Why does that apply to the OP more than to her OH though? Why can't he 'grin and bear' a few minutes worry until the OP gets back to the hotel and texts to let him know? Why can't he 'grin and bear' missing half an hour of the wedding to take her and come back?

Neither of those will cause him physical pain or suffering, but the OP grinning and bearing it through a nasty headache is much harder and more unpleasant.

Unless it was a Migraine (which I get) a headache is easily treatable with paracetamol, it is not a huge deal unless you choose to make it one.

The OP's husband was best man,the wedding was abroad, it sounds as if it was a family reunion type of thing, surely the OP could have borne the headache with more grace and stuck it out? In happy marriages and relationships there is give and take, time and situation dependent, to me this was one time when the OP should have shown a bit more fortitude.

victory

I would say now today the headache would have gone? Says it all really

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Unless it was a Migraine (which I get) a headache is easily treatable with paracetamol, it is not a huge deal unless you choose to make it one.

The OP's husband was best man,the wedding was abroad, it sounds as if it was a family reunion type of thing, surely the OP could have borne the headache with more grace and stuck it out? In happy marriages and relationships there is give and take, time and situation dependent, to me this was one time when the OP should have shown a bit more fortitude.

I get migraines too, not really sure why that's relevant.

Paracetamol is great, but its not a cure-all. I've taken it several times where its barely made a difference. This is assuming she even had any with her.

In my opinion, at 1am, even if she'd just said she was exhausted and couldn't keep her eyes open for another hour, or her feet hurt because of her wedding outfit shoes, she should be able to graciously leave without getting a load of abuse from her husband for it. She's probably been 'celebrating' for at least 12 hours by then, she's done her duty and she isn't preventing her husband from doing his.

I wonder what the responses would have been if the genders were reversed...

FBaby

I have to go to functions with my partner for his work and they are all party animals and will stay up and drink until 2-3 am. I am a full-time working mum, travelling almost 2 hours every day to a demanding job and I am shattered most of the time. I am lucky if I make it to 10pm! My effort staying up is until 11-12pm at most. That's just the way it is. My partner will feel as tired, but spurred on the drinks, he will pick up. I don't, mainly because I don't drink as don't want to feel like crap the following day (and after). In any case, my partner knows how I feel and has never told me off for leaving the function to go to sleep. I make all the efforts before, but after 11:30, that's it for me. He understand perfectly. Saying that, I would never expect him to come back with me because I have enough of the party.

I hope you woke him up at 7am the following day, telling him you were expecting the housework to be done and that he ruined the morning if he refused!!!

Person_one

victory wrote: »

I would say now today the headache would have gone? Says it all really

Erm, what? I don't understand!

Caroline73_2

Person_one wrote: »

Surely you're not suggesting that people should only marry within their own culture and class! :eek:

No! But if you have a problem fitting in with your partners cultural or religion then maybe you should consider that first.

I'm not religious at all so I don't think I could marry someone who went to church regularly and it was part of their lifestyle. Neither could I marry someone whose culture expected women to be subservient to men.

I come from a working class background so I doubt I could have married a man who came from a family of inherited great wealth.

It's about making sure lifestyles and expectations are compatible. But we are off topic.

CFC

BugglyB wrote: »

I guess really what it boils down to is we can't judge because we weren't there.

Theres a huge difference between OPs husband saying to her 'I really want you to stay til the end, can't you just hang on a few more hours, I'd really appreciate it' and 'you selfish cow, can't believe you're causing such a fuss, I forbid you to leave'

Equally theres a huge difference between op saying 'I'm really tired, you look like you're having a wonderful time how about I just leave you to it' and 'you're so selfish i can't believe you've chosen him over me' etc.

Totally agree with this. On the comments you've put Athina, I would have just asked him to call a taxi and gone. If he resisted there would be serious trouble. I am no man's to direct.