huge row with husband over leaving wedding early

Wickedkitten

pinkshoes wrote: »

I went to a wedding in France where my (ex) OH was best man, and despite feeling utterly exhausted and having a rotten headache, I stayed until it ended at 5am!

I suppose I could have got a taxi back to the hotel, but I felt it would have been very selfish of me to ruin the evening or make my OH feel bad for having to choose between his best mate and me, so I just got on with it, found some paracetamol, and put on a fake smile all night. It was ONLY one night, and not my night to spoil.

I think you were selfish being so needy on someone's special day. Yes, you felt cr*p, but how hard could it have been to find some pain killers, some ear plugs, and just faked a smile for a few hours?

I completely see why your OH is now p*ssed off with you, because on a night that was nothing to do with you, you made him choose between his best mate and his OH, which was really unfair. I think it's you that owes him an apology.

Sorry what? How is she making him choose between his best mate and her? She said herself that she wanted to go back to the hotel, she didn't say she wanted him to go as well at all. If she was really feeling that needy, surely she wouldn't have sat it out faking smiles until 1 in the morning before telling him that she wanted to go back to the hotel.

Caroline73_2

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Sorry what? How is she making him choose between his best mate and her? She said herself that she wanted to go back to the hotel, she didn't say she wanted him to go as well at all. If she was really feeling that needy, surely she wouldn't have sat it out faking smiles until 1 in the morning before telling him that she wanted to go back to the hotel.

It depends on your interpretation though.

If I wanted my husband to come with me rather than stay I would say to him that I wanted to go home, if I wanted him to stay I would tell him I was leaving.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

I'm pretty sure all headaches have an underlying cause.

Also, a migraine is not a 'type of headache' at all, the headache is a symptom. There are some types of headaches that can actually cause worse pain than the ones associated with migraine.

That's irrelevant anyway though, OP was in pain, struggling, wanted to leave a wedding at a perfectly reasonable time (most of the weddings I've been to are done and dusted by midnight anyway) but got berated for it. Not on.

As you say irrelevant, but Migraine in layman's terms is generally used as a term to refer to a type of headache, that it is actually a neurological issue with headache as a usual, but not universal symptom, is by the by. Of course there are some types of headache that cause worse pain, I used it as an example not as part of a dissertation on headaches per se;)

It was used to illustrate that there are some headaches which are more painful than others, the OP seemed to have a simple headache, yet makes no mention of asking for, or taking, a painkiller of whatever sort (lest we stray into the realms of effective analgesics here!!)

A simple headache is easily dealt with, and for the sake of her OH and his best man duties (which to my mind end when the last guest departs) she could have taken a pill and pasted a smile on. That is my opinion, you are entitled to yours.

Wickedkitten

Caroline73 wrote: »

It depends on your interpretation though.

If I wanted my husband to come with me rather than stay I would say to him that I wanted to go home, if I wanted him to stay I would tell him I was leaving.

Depends on the man surely. Unless I said we should go home, that would be taken as me wanting to go on my tod.

Caroline73_2

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Depends on the man surely. Unless I said we should go home, that would be taken as me wanting to go on my tod.

Maybe, I'm not sure as you put it like that.
I wouldn't have let myself get in the same situation as the op anyway.I would have just gone home.

xoxo_2

As others said you should have just done the whole 'grin and bear it' thing rather than attention seeking. It was one night, and probably only a few more hours. You seem quite negative about the whole day to be honest.

Do you get on with the couple getting married or have you given your OH grief over his friendship/things he's done with the groom before? I ask because his reaction seems a bit 'not again...' rather than as if this is a one off thing.

He was best man, presumably the groom is his best friend or a childhood friend and he should have been left to it to fulfill his best man duties and enjoy the night. If it was that important to you to go home a quiet word in his ear saying you were heading back because you have a headache and would see him later would have done. Not the complete OTT reaction you gave.

If you were maid of honor at your best friends wedding and he reacted the same way I expect you would be just as angry/upset about him trying to end your night early.

There_Goes_Trouble

I think this situation has got too many variables to really know what happened without being there, but one thing crossed my mind.

Which country is the OP in? Someone made an assumption about Greece, but we don't actually know. Maybe the husband felt it wasn't safe for the OP to travel alone in a taxi to the hotel, and maybe it was too far/expensive for it to be an option for him to escort her home and then go back.

In that scenario, the OP would effectively be asking her husband to choose between taking her home and staying at the wedding.

I'm not going to speculate any further though...

littlerat

The problem with this is "headache" is like "back ache" or "joint pain" - there's so many degrees. It can range from mildly annoying you notice now and then, to pain so excrutiating you cannot bear light or sound and that it can cause eyesight problems, dizziness etc. And yes, all those symptoms can appear with a headache, not just a migraine. My migraines are often less of an issue then my bad headaches.

How the OP should have acted, and the husband, all depends on severity really.

worried_jim

If I was the best man and I went early I would consider that a poor show and agree that your husband was "obliged" to stay to the end. I wonder how it would have looked if the role was reversed and you had been a bridesmaid at your friends wedding and at 1am he said that he wanted to go home whilst you were still dancing to "I will survive" barefoot with a load of drunken women with their bingo wings out.
However, he could have handled it a bit better and I expect the alcohol didn't help. I hope you make it up.

flutterby_lil

Wow this has certainly got everyone talking!!