huge row with husband over leaving wedding early

Person_one

pinkshoes wrote: »

I went to a wedding in France where my (ex) OH was best man, and despite feeling utterly exhausted and having a rotten headache, I stayed until it ended at 5am!

I suppose I could have got a taxi back to the hotel, but I felt it would have been very selfish of me to ruin the evening or make my OH feel bad for having to choose between his best mate and me, so I just got on with it, found some paracetamol, and put on a fake smile all night. It was ONLY one night, and not my night to spoil.

I think you were selfish being so needy on someone's special day. Yes, you felt cr*p, but how hard could it have been to find some pain killers, some ear plugs, and just faked a smile for a few hours?

I completely see why your OH is now p*ssed off with you, because on a night that was nothing to do with you, you made him choose between his best mate and his OH, which was really unfair. I think it's you that owes him an apology.

5am? There was really no need for you to be such a martyr, I doubt that the departure of the best man's wife a few hours earlier than expected would have ruined anybody's evening, even your husband's.

OP certainly didn't make him choose, she asked him to take 5 minutes to call her a taxi then he could have gone right back to having fun at the party.

InNeedofHelp

I can totally feel for you as i've been in the same situation exactly.

First off, i think the drink was talking a bit with him (although none of us know him - so for all we know he may be a hot head regularly).

Secondly, he shouldn't be ordering you what to do. He's no headmaster & you're no child!!

I went to my girlfriends friends wedding recently. We had a great time & she doesn't see her friends much since she moved from the area.

Anyway, time gets on & the music is really really loud. They had a band playing. Before you know it my head is absolutely splitting & the pain is quite unbearable.

I mentioned to my gf, who said we would leave then. She didn't kick up a fuss, we just left. It was quite late, so we'd spent most the day, but she was understanding.

At the very least, your fella should've sorted you a taxi to return on your own. That would be the minimum he should've done. If he wanted to stay then fine, but there was no reason to make you stay when your head was mush. Where's the enjoyment in that??

foreign_correspondent

As a couple of others have said I would have stayed till the end and not let on that I felt rubbish! Sometimes you have to grin and bear it, it's about being socially appropriate and recognising that sometimes your own needs have to be put aside for the sake of others. I find loud music hard going, and a headache is rotten, but it's not life and death.

It was a big day for your OH, and he was taking on an important role for a friend - it's quite an honour to be asked. If it was an evening down the pub, fair enough, I would have been narked too - but a good friends wedding - it's a diferent matter.

RuthnJasper

OP,

There are many wise opinions on here. I think it's important that you try not to dwell on what happened too much and work on putting it behind you. I find that's wise in any episode where alcohol was involved!

Yes - he should have been more understanding and sympathetic. However, as Best Man, he did have a legitimate obligation to be there right until the end in case anything went wrong and the groom and his family needed his support. I guess you could look at it by imagining what would happen if it was your best friend/sister's wedding and you were Chief Bridesmaid and HE started complaining.

I'm not saying you were wrong and he was right. In fact, I've been in this situation myself - I had to go to a family wedding last year the day after I'd had an operation to remove a lump from my breast - I was too porky at the time for a general anaesthetic, so I had to have it under a local (and that was a barrel of laughs, I can assure you ). Anyway, I didn't want to go, but my parents had made it plain that all kinds of hell would be unleashed if I didn't go.

By about 5pm, I'd seriously had enough. Not wanting to cause a scene, I told my family that I was seriously flagging. I went to the bride and groom and congratulated them, apologised for leaving early, and just went back in a taxi to my B&B. Maybe your OH wouldn't have been so hacked off if you'd just done something like this instead of complaining to him?

When the vows say "for better or for worse", you just have to accept that, sometimes, it's going to have to be YOUR worse that you have to put up with when you're supporting him.

Hope you make it up and all turns out well. xx

Person_one

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

As a couple of others have said I would have stayed till the end and not let on that I felt rubbish! Sometimes you have to grin and bear it, it's about being socially appropriate and recognising that sometimes your own needs have to be put aside for the sake of others. I find loud music hard going, and a headache is rotten, but it's not life and death.

It was a big day for your OH, and he was taking on an important role for a friend - it's quite an honour to be asked. If it was an evening down the pub, fair enough, I would have been narked too - but a good friends wedding - it's a diferent matter.

I think some people are massively overestimating how much the presence of the best man's partner matters at a wedding. The OP was happy for her husband to stay after she left.

I do think its polite to stay to the end of a wedding as I always feel sorry for couples who only have about 20 people left by the last song, however, there's no need to be a martyr and stick it out when you feel rotten, who wants guests who are only there out of a sense of obligation and are actually miserable anyway?

Person_one

RuthnJasper wrote: »

OP,


I'm not saying you were wrong and he was right. In fact, I've been in this situation myself - I had to go to a family wedding last year the day after I'd had an operation to remove a lump from my breast - I was too porky at the time for a general anaesthetic, so I had to have it under a local (and that was a barrel of laughs, I can assure you ). Anyway, I didn't want to go, but my parents had made it plain that all kinds of hell would be unleashed if I didn't go.

Shame on your parents, what an awful way to treat your child.

merlin68

I hate weddings, there the most boring thing going and I avoid them at all costs.
Your Oh had no right to speak to you like that. If he was mine he would have been history.

foreign_correspondent

Person_one wrote: »

who wants guests who are only there out of a sense of obligation and are actually miserable anyway?

Isn't that par for the course at a wedding?? I pretty much detest going to them, but I would never let on!

Does anyone actually enjoy them!?! :think:

geri1965_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

I went to a wedding in France where my (ex) OH was best man, and despite feeling utterly exhausted and having a rotten headache, I stayed until it ended at 5am!

I suppose I could have got a taxi back to the hotel, but I felt it would have been very selfish of me to ruin the evening or make my OH feel bad for having to choose between his best mate and me, so I just got on with it, found some paracetamol, and put on a fake smile all night. It was ONLY one night, and not my night to spoil.

How does a guest leaving a wedding at 1am "ruin" a wedding? Utter nonsense.

Snuggles

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

As a couple of others have said I would have stayed till the end and not let on that I felt rubbish! Sometimes you have to grin and bear it, it's about being socially appropriate and recognising that sometimes your own needs have to be put aside for the sake of others. I find loud music hard going, and a headache is rotten, but it's not life and death.

I really don't understand this POV in relation to the OPs situation. How is it not "socially appropriate" to leave a function if you are feeling unwell? She wasn't part of the wedding party herself so why did she need to put aside her own needs for the sake of others? Do you really believe that the wedding would be spoiled by the partner of the best man leaving early? Personally I think it would barely be noticed. If I had a splitting headache and needed to leave, I would leave. If anyone was upset or offended by that, I would think they were rather self centred and lacking in understanding, and I wouldn't lose any sleep over it!